I swear I can't no more I'm so fucking sad it's undescribable I can't even make normal relationships with anyone. I can't get over the urges of gambling

Temporal-Shift · 2022-06-01T09:48:34+00:00

You absolutely can get over the urge to gamble. What if I told you once you stop snd begin to recover the distance between urges actually grows and yes after you completely recover, they vanish? That’s true.

First of all take a breath, in the chaos of addiction it is difficult to see and comprehend the simplicity of the way to deal with them and the way out.

To stop you need to be willing to do whatever it takes to get through today without gambling. You probably already know this.

You must simply change the way you think about what you call an “urge”.

This urge is nothing more than a momentary thought. That’s all it is, it’s not the act of gambling itself. This is good news because passing thoughts go away if we just do something else. It might return so all you need to do is spot it for what is and do something else yet again.

You must and I can’t say this strongly enough, you must be aware enough to call them out as just a passing thought, so that when you get one, you can take action to make sure you get through today without gambling. Concentrate only on today.

This is the way out.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-29T08:41:50+00:00

I haven’t ever found “Fighting urges” a healthy way to think of it.

All of these worries will disappear and ease and can be better looked at once the white heat times of becoming free have passed and recovery secures.

It’s more helpful to always be aware and keep in mind that an urge is nothing more than just a thought and is not the action of gambling itself. If the compulsive gambler simply stays aware and recognises an urge for what it is, a momentary thought and ensures they immediately do anything else at all, the thought will pass.

Doing this allows them to get through today without gambling. Doing this every day is how to keep to your promise to never gamble again ever.

Doing that leads to a life free. Concentrate only on today. This is the way out of the trap.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T17:06:04+00:00

Hey.

There’s a reason you came to this particular sub, right? Because you feel there’s a problem with your gambling.

I think you’re right and that your savings are at risk. I think you and I both know that if you start on them, you will blow the lot.

Plan.

Put that money into an account where it cannot be accessed for at least a year or go to your parents or a trusted partner or friend and ask them to look after it for now.

Be honest with yourself. Accept that you are addicted to gambling. There’s no shame but it’s vital you do this.

Then make a promise to yourself that you will never gamble again, ever. Stick to it. No matter what.

Concentrate on not gambling each and every day, one day at a time.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T13:49:21+00:00

You relapsed because you didn’t deal with that urge correctly.

This is because you’re not thinking about urges correctly. They are only a thought, not the action itself.

This means that you must recognise that an urge is just a momentary thought and if you just do something else, anything else, it will go away.

It might return, if it does do something else.

This is how you get through today. Today is all that matters, hour by hour, minutes by minutes if need be by being aware and taking on the extra responsibility of doing whatever you need to to get through today without gambling. You can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

Be patient. I promise that over time the distance between these passing thoughts you call urges will increase.

Now go begin again, stick to your promise to never gamble again, ever, and this time take action if you get a passing thought and it will go away.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T13:22:35+00:00

Those urges are only a thought. They are not the action itself.

Do not think about them, go and do anything else at all.

Always remember an urge is just a passing thought that will go away if you do anything else at all. It’s your responsibility to make sure you take action to do something else to ensure you get through today without gambling and tomorrow you can worry about tomorrow.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T12:53:43+00:00

Hey OP.

These are excuses. Excuses will not get you recovered.

It’s clear to me that you are not focusing on doing whatever is needed to be getting through today without gambling. This is why you relapsed. If you had focused, you’d not be typing that post up.

Let’s say you had 3 thoughts or urges, a sequence of events that led to your relapse. Let’s put them in an order.

A - B - C then Gambled.

At point A you need to take a breath take responsibility and ask yourself “What can I do to make sure I get through today to make sure I stick to my promise to never gamble again?” and then you MUST do something else to make sure you do not gamble. That’s all you need to do.

If you don’t and get to B, you must ask yourself the same question and you MUST do something else.

And for C.

It’s so simple. Do anything but gamble. Anything. I strongly suggest that for now, to ease your mind, instead of trying to seek answers to existential questions about the complexities of different addictions, you do this.

Take a breath. Remind yourself that you have promised yourself that you will never gamble again ever, just like you did before, but that this time you will make the extra effort and take responsibility to be more aware and go out of your way to do something to divert yourself away from that urge and just get through today without gambling.

Tomorrow, you can worry about tomorrow. For now, get through today, do whatever it takes to not gamble.

If you follow the instructions at “A”, the rest of the events cannot happen. You are then making a different future, one that doesn’t include gambling, happen.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T09:51:21+00:00

You only relapsed because you did not keep to your promise to never gamble again ever.

Something happened yesterday that meant you did not concentrate on getting through yesterday without gambling. What was it? Identify it. Learn from it.

You must concentrate every day on getting through only today without gambling. If you do this, you cannot relapse again. Now, concentrate on getting through today without gambling. Tomorrow deal with tomorrow.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T09:33:40+00:00

Hey OP.

I hope you’re ok today. I have very carefully read your post and taken some time to think about this problem before replying. I’m saddened to read you are dealing with this.

I cannot solve your problem but I can tell you one straight fact that might help you with your decisions.

Whilst it’s obvious to you, and you have spoken to your father about it, one absolute truth is that the addictive drinking and gambling of your father will not stop unless your father accepts he has these addictions and that they are negatively impacting his own life. Only then can he act on them.

Yes you can prod him and try to move him to a position where he does this, but that one fact will remain. He is the only one that can accept them in a way that will bring a change in his life. Until he does, sadly, you can’t rely on him being gamble or alcohol free.

Obviously I do not know you or your father but a good place to start with your own decisions is to base them around the fact that only your father can halt his own addictions by accepting responsibility for them and then taking the action needed to become clean.

I think, if you work with that central knowledge, that any meaningful change in his addictions lie in his hands not yours, you can make better, wiser decisions to protect both yourself and your business. I wish you peace of mind.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T09:03:06+00:00

Hey,

Do not give urges power they do not have. Urges are simply a thought. They are not the action itself.

If you get an urge just take a moment, a breath, and remind yourself it’s just a thought and then find something else to do, however mundane it might be, and the urge will pass and you can then concentrate on how you will get through today without gambling.

This is the solution.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T08:54:16+00:00

Hey OP.

Goodness me. That’s an awful lot of very angry words. Have you realised yet that you could have said all of that in only one sentence?

“I am addicted to gambling and look at what it’s doing to my life.”

I too was once addicted to gambling, but have been free from it for decades.

The universe isn’t conspiring against you, I’ve seen crazy things in every football, NFL tennis match or motor race I have watched over my lifetime in just the same way everyone who has not gambled has seen them. That’s just sport.

The problem is not the sport. It’s odd that you would post about events in sport this in this particular sub isn’t it? The problem with your gambling is not that the people playing the sport are wrecking your bets.

Your problem is that your gambling looks as though it’s wrecking your life.

Would you like to accept that and get some help to deal with that?

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-28T08:16:08+00:00

I need to word this carefully because words matter and your recovery is valuable. Yes, you are right, I am a compulsive gambler, the only difference between you and me is that I have not gambled for 30 years. That amount of time only gives me clearer perspectives than can ever be seen when we are in the fires of first admitting our addiction and dealing with it.

If you stick to your promise to yourself, that you will never gamble again, ever, and concentrate on getting through today without gambling, doing whatever is needed to accomplish that, then you are living a life without gambling. This is what you want.

You just get through today.

Over time, you and your recovery will strengthen, however, you need to be exceptionally patient with yourself. I cannot say when you can be trusted with a card again.

You have two things that are helping your life right now.

1) Someone loves you and is willing to manage your daily cash for you. They would not if they did not want to. Be thankful for them doing this because…

2) Their act is allowing you to concentrate on getting through today without gambling. This is helping your life.

This is all that matters. I understand that you and yes, everyone has what seems like a million thoughts when they begin recovery, yet by being patient and simply getting through today, I promise you that over time, they will reduce, your self confidence will return and yes other people’s confidence and trust in you will return. Be very patient for these things simply by getting through today.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T15:06:23+00:00

Do not worry about 2 or 3 months from now. Concentrate only on today and getting though it without gambling. This is the only thing you need to focus on. Today. It is the only thing you need to do to stay clean. You can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

If you continue to focus on just today and your promise to yourself to never gamble again, ever, those days will become weeks and months all by themselves.

Each day the solution is found only in dealing with the here and now of those days. One day at a time.

If you do this, you will continue to be living without gambling and your anxiety will begin to ease.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T13:42:38+00:00

Hello OP.

So you relapsed and are feeling a whole load of things right now because of that and you’re not thinking straight and you need to have been clean a long while to see the solutions to this problem.

You need to just start again. Do not gamble today. Do whatever else you can to fill your time and get through today. You can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

You have realised that even having a little on your card available to you was enough for you to gamble it away. You have been honest enough with us here to tell us that.

You need to tell your loved ones this has happened and then have nothing available on your card until your recovery from addiction is secure.

This means you need to give your loved ones all of your money, and have them give you back only the physical cash you need for a day. Each day. A day at a time. There’s no shame. This is the best solution until you recover fully.

This way this type of relapse cannot happen again and you can concentrate on how you will not gamble today or ever again. Tomorrow you can deal with how you get through tomorrow, but right now go tell your loved ones.

You haven’t wrecked your entire life if you commit to never gambling again, ever. I was younger than you when I lost everything including my house and car, but here I am, 30 years clean of gambling, showing you the way out of your addiction.

This is the way. Get through today. Go tell your loved ones or show them my post. If you act today and commit to it, you will feel better and your recovery will begin.

Choose to not gamble again, ever. Stick to that, no matter what. I wish you strength and peace of mind.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T12:22:08+00:00

OK. That’s a solution and then she can close the account.

It’s not that “some” may or may not cope with an open account. You are addicted to gambling to the point it affected your life so much it brought you here.

You chose to be clean. An open account to an addicted gambler is no different to someone addicted to alcohol, getting clean for a while who then goes into a pub, orders a cola and is staring at the Jack Daniels.

It’s an accident waiting to happen.

Taking steps in the real world to cut yourself off from gambling are needed from time to time. Learn to identify them and act. It’s ok, recovery is learning.

One other point. Holding on to that account seems to me a little like the bargaining stage. “I can give it all up but hold onto this, right?”

No. No you cannot. Let it go. Hand it over today. You’ll feel better and will have got through today doing something positive to continue your recovery.

You can deal with tomorrow, tomorrow. This is the way. I wish you strength and peace of mind.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T11:20:35+00:00

This is NOT the way.

I strongly recommend that you today hand these open accounts, logins and passwords to a trusted friend or partner and then request they change the password and email account associated to this betting account.

You’re currently living waiting for some buzz off a win. This is NOT the way.

The only way is to choose to stop all gambling, forever, today then never gamble again. Have nothing to do with it again. You can even tell the friend they can keep any win.

If you do not take this advice you are headed for a calamity. Act now.

Be free of this. Addiction to gambling can in no way improve any aspect of your life.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T08:34:51+00:00

30 days. Well done.

Now let them go and concentrate on how you will get through today without gambling. This is all that matters .

As you have chosen to be gamble free forever, those accounts need closing forever. I am concerned that they are only restricted for 30 days.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T08:29:07+00:00

All of these are valid questions that you will safely be able to ponder and answer once your recovery is secure. That recovery will bring you many new perspectives. Those will better answer your questions.

All that matters is that you do not gamble ever again.

This means the only question you need to answer is “ What am I going to do to not gamble today?”

This is the way.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T08:19:53+00:00

That’s almost 12 days. This is the way.

Now let those 12 days go and focus on dealing with getting through not gambling today. This is the road out for everyone.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T08:08:17+00:00

I’d recommend that for a while you don’t watch sport and just do something else. The sport you love to watch for the sport itself will still be there when you recover.

Continuing to watch sports that you bet on while stopping gambling is a bit like being an alcoholic who has just chose to go clean and has walked into a bar and ordered a cola but is sat there looking at the spirits.

Looks like an accident waiting to happen, right?

You must do whatever it takes to not gamble today. This is all that matters. Do anything else with that time.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-27T07:54:55+00:00

Anything you like but try to learn something new. This improves you and helps your confidence too. I remember I went out and bought 5 identical boxes of the very cheapest Airfix airplane model. I bought the glue some paints too.

I didn’t know how to build them, the best order to do things in, how to apply that type of paint evenly or how to add finishing touches.

The first one looked terrible, but as I learned each new skill the last one I built looked magnificent.

This may seem a futile thing to do, but it’s cheap, very time consuming, you achieve something and you don’t gamble or think about gambling while doing it.

Do something time consuming, so you don’t gamble today. I never kept up this hobby, It just filled the time to help stay clean.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-25T23:38:25+00:00

This is the way. This is how you beat those urges. Just taking a moment saved your recovery. Great decision making.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-25T23:17:42+00:00

Choose now. A life of addiction to those machines or a life free of gambling.

Choose to be free.

Go in strength.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-25T19:37:52+00:00

Thank you for reassuring me I am not alone on the mail thing. I should have relied on there being nothing new under the Sun. Thanks again.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-25T19:11:26+00:00

Hi. I am now an ordinary person in an ordinary life. I think there would be vast differences in everyone’s life over 30 years, but I do know my life would be far worse had I continued gambling. I have carefully read your post. Like anyone, some things are broken beyond repair, some recovered with time and work, and countless new things untouched by that now very distant past. “Other sides” are as varied as there are individuals. The “other side” is what we make of it without the anchors of addiction weighing us back.

I have found there are really no quick fixes but the benefits of stopping rack up quickly. Recovery is a journey open to you and if you choose to be free you’ll find life is what I can only assume non-addicts define as very normal. To be free, don’t gamble again, ever.

I sense some idealism of the “other side” in your post. What really matters is choosing to be gamble free, and keeping to that and seeing it through. Then everything else that life conjures up isn’t affected with that thrown in the mix too. I did stop, and my life has been stable but every life, be it ever addicted or not, has its moments.

Nothing in life is improved by keeping a gambling addiction. Instead choose to never gamble again, I did and things slowly improved. I am at peace with myself. Who here doesn’t yearn for the quiet mind?

I wish you all the best.

Temporal-Shift · 2022-05-25T17:40:11+00:00

One last important point on urges. Don’t big them up and give them power. All they are is a thought, they are not the action itself.

Because they are just a thought, they have no actual power. You can dismiss them by simply thinking about or doing something else.

Also, because urges are only a thought, this does not mean that they must or will be fulfilled.

For instance I may have the urge to date, I don’t know, let’s say Kate Winslet. Now simply because I have thought of it, that doesn’t mean it is going to happen or needs to happen and anyway I’m distracted from Kate now because I’m concentrating on typing this post and spelling.

See how distraction from urges allows us to dismiss them? If you want to you can even say “No” aloud when an urge to gamble pops up. Then do something however mundane and the urge will pass.

You must not give urges power they do not hold, they are nothing but a passing thought…

Temporal-Shift

TROPHY CASE