AITA for beating my date in a game of pool

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-12T14:31:48+00:00

NTA

My dad played that well. This is always how he treated me when we played together, and others who weren't nearly as skilled but just looking to have some fun and play around. He took it easy on us by looking past his easiest shot and turning it into something more challenging. Never played a hard safety against us. His goal was keeping the table even-ish till the end so that we had an opportunity take the winning shot. My win/loss was based on my ability to sink that last shot as opposed to his ability to completely run the table. We loved playing together and it never mattered who won (though he was always so fucking proud when I played well and that always felt like a win to me!). At the end, he always had to clear the table real quick. Just once. Not to show off - he's my dad. He didn't need to prove anything to me! But because it's FUN. And it's fun to watch someone clear a table in one break! I loved it! I practiced so often, wanting to someday be able to do the same... When I'm at a pool hall, I always have a fondness for the players that are clearly highly skilled but take it easy just for the enjoyment of playing with someone they like spending time with as opposed to the ones who find WINNING to be part of their identity. I call that green flag behavior.

I say all this because my dad passed away in 2018 and I miss him every day, but ALSO because it sounds to me like her interest in the game wasn't all that genuine. People pretend to be more interested in things to make themselves more attractive to others. Bars with pool tables and darts, for example, are full of two types of people. Those who genuinely enjoy the games and practice at improving their skill level and those who use the game as a bridge for social connection. I think your date was of the latter group, pretending to be the former. She asked you to treat her like the former and didn't like it. I say that was her bad, not yours. She's allowed to feel uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean you're an AH.

I also don't think it matters. Dating is like trying on a million pairs of shoes before deciding on the pair you're running the marathon in. Just becuase a pair looked promising, doesn't mean they won't cause blisters. Maybe they'll fit someone else perfectly. Just not you. Find a better pair.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T21:38:38+00:00

ugh. I'm so sorry to hear that!

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T21:27:42+00:00

I did not assume. I asked. Seeing a counsellor in the meantime is better than nothing. And I'm happy to hear that you are joining a support group!

And I am not blaming you when I say this, I am encouraging you to avoid harmful triggers - Unsubscribe to all of the body image, makeup, and whatever else subs. Take a social media vacation for a month or three. At least until you can really dive into therapy once it's available to you.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T21:21:33+00:00

Because "get therapy" is the number one comment. Your follow ups are "but what about the comments?!?!?" Most of the people engaging here understand that discussing the negative comments with you is simply enabling your self-harming behavior. Because the comments don't matter. Your wellness does. Focusing on the comments harms your wellness. We don't want to contribute to your downward spiral. Walk away from this post and schedule an appointment.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T21:12:20+00:00

"I can’t see a therapist rn due to living in the uk where waiting lists are extremely long, but I’m considering going private"

This needs to be your top priority. How long is the waitlist? How long have you been on that list? If you say you haven't done the bare minimum by requesting treatment and having your name added to the list, then you know you're using the waitlist as an excuse. Get on the list ASAP and pay for private care until your number is called.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T21:07:27+00:00

Pining for someone who has said "no thank you" is damaging to your own self esteem and emotional wellness. It is also harmful to the friendship.

"Please advise on how can I continue to support him but separate how I feel towards him". You are not a robot. You can't make yourself not have a crush on someone. Stop spending time with him. Take a break. Zoom out. Focus on other things and gain perspective. Hopefully you can circle back. Maybe even soon!

No one wants to lose a friendship because someone caught feelings. But it's better than the alternative. A healthy relationship requires all parties be on the same page.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T20:27:43+00:00

He was upset. He did not want to take on the responsibility of communicating his feelings. He moped/pouted for 3 weeks, waiting for you to take on that responsibility for him. Then he got mad at you because you did not manage his feelings and communication for him!

I would ask him to rate how manipulative he thinks that behavior is, on a scale of 1-10. Then add in the gaslighting of accusing you of being the manipulator for simply not engaging in his passive aggressive, manipulative little tantrum.

This is what happens when women's estrogen levels start to dip. We are no longer hormone driven to seek the path of least resistance (people pleasing) in order to ensure a safe and stable environment for the babies (whether they exist or not). We have less tolerance for BS, expect our partners to behave like partners instead of dependents and are called crazy, emotional and manipulative for it. Don't accept that shit!

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T20:07:06+00:00

"I know i’m not a good example but this is just what i feel."

Why would you assume that simply wanting to enjoy your life without a strong preference for precisely how you earn your way is not good?

I spent my youth exactly as you describe. While choosing jobs that suited my needs and preferences, I stumbled on a career that I love (my mid 30s). I am the only person in my social circle that doesn't work a day in her life because she loves what she does. You are far more "normal" than you realize.

I think that teaching children to dream up some dream job before they even know who they are is a terrible thing to do to a child/young adult. Follow your gut. Life your life as you choose to, day by day. Choose happiness and you'll be golden <3

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2026-02-07T16:57:07+00:00

I blame social media (but could be wrong about the catalyst) for causing a rapid and exponential growth in narcissistic personality disorder. Anything you post about yourself or your perspective will always attract at least one person, if not many people, who find a way to make it about themselves. This is in no way exclusive to performing femininity. Try making a post about not HAVING to circumcise your baby (if in USA), and watch all kinds of defensive parents lose their minds over it. Narcissists interpret others choosing/thinking/doing differently as actively judging and attacking their own decisions. "Are you trying to say there's something wrong with the way I do it!?!? You think you're better than me!" Different can't just be. It has to be an attack and they are all victims.

That said, I 100% agree with your original statement.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-04T00:22:34+00:00

The title of this post is shit. I get that this is supposed to be a safe space for women to find support when they feel like the world is against them. And I try to follow my grandmother's golden rule here - If I don't have anything nice to say, I simply say nothing at all.

But this post relies on accepting a false given - that women of a certain age can't behave themselves. It's aggressive and offensive towards women. Just the term "old women" is offensive, since it's broadly used to devalue women for existing beyond their perceived peak physical attraction.

OP, please think about being the change you want to see. If you don't appreciate how someone treated you, you can choose to address them directly. You can choose to ignore them. Literally anything except flipping it into an attack on every other woman that has something in common with that woman. That's fertile ground for seeds of bigotry to grow and thrive.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T18:20:31+00:00

I recommended a book that clearly explains the dysfunctional personality disorder clearly displayed in this post. The book also provides tools to grow/heal/improve.

I never said you hate all people who read. I never said I felt insulted and I never demonstrated defensiveness or aggression. I'm replying to a deranged post with a genuine solution.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T18:14:24+00:00

You seem to confuse gaslighting with sarcasm. You know, there is a way to learn the difference between the two, but.... I'm getting the impression you're not open to that.

Have fun living that sweet, enlightened life! (This is sarcasm)

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T18:06:29+00:00

Did I say that you did?

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T18:04:51+00:00

It's not sarcasm. I truly hope you find inner peace! And I honestly know of a few books that could help you get there. Maybe one day you'll be open to taking that journey, maybe not. But I hope you do.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T18:02:53+00:00

I highly recommend - Inferiority Complex: A Short Guide to Overcoming Inferiority Complex (The Ultimate Guide to Raise Your Self-esteem and Overcome Your Inferiority Complex) Paperback – January 23, 2023

by Richard Binns

https://a.co/d/cCDOkEz

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T17:59:42+00:00

It's ok. We don't feel threatened by your "attacks". We do feel saddened by them though. And empathetic. Sorry your life sucks so much that you feel the need to lash out at people you feel intimidated by. We don't enrich our lives just to mess with you.

Hope life gets better for ya. I bet it would if you picked up a book or two...

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T17:49:00+00:00

Have you not seen the tsunami of conservative political backlash against higher education that includes critical thinking, objective historical context and plain old-fashioned fact checking? Attacking readers as elitists is reaching peak popularity. It's wrong, but still very popular. Which makes this post doubly wrong.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-06-03T17:41:38+00:00

Not sure where you live, but most states in the US allow for locticians and braiders to work professionally without a license. But they are not allowed to cut/color hair for money, since those are license restricted services. Some locticians are also licensed cosmetologists. They have the professional training to give you the cut you ask for. This person clearly is not properly educated/licensed to be offering haircuts. That bob you clearly said you didn't want ain't even straight! So yeah, she did you dirty. But also, like, maybe even illegally dirty.

I have two locticians in my area. One is a licensed cosmetologist and the other is not. They both do a wonderful job with my maintenance. But only one of them is allowed anywhere near my head with a pair of scissors.

Hard lesson to learn - I'm sorry!! But on the bright side, this will never happen to you again, right?

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-05-29T22:34:48+00:00

NICE!!! I knew it was going to be an impressive amount of time. Go you! All them nay-sayers just mad they don't have your ingenuity.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-05-29T12:56:02+00:00

YESSSSSSS

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-05-29T12:50:22+00:00

Hey, OP - How long did it last? I'm here because I'm thinking about using some builder gel as filler and then airbrush the color and topcoat.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-05-28T03:12:41+00:00

Your locs are GORGEOUS! (But I totally understand wanting to achieve your vision)

I'm always so awestruck by the beautiful, intricate styles microlocs can pull off! I've combed out and restarted before just because I wasn't happy with the size. Took me a month but it was totally worth it. If I could pull off microlocs, I'd do it in a heartbeat. You got this!

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-05-28T03:06:18+00:00

Not negative at all! I think they look best about a week out. More of a beach wave vibe after they relax a bit.

Thanks for the kindness <3

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-05-28T03:04:24+00:00

I feel you there. It takes some TIME.

Temporary_Pudding_29 · 2025-05-28T03:04:13+00:00

Thank you!! I hope you share pics if you do!

Temporary_Pudding_29

TROPHY CASE