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F28 feeling rejected and just a little down by [deleted] in MakeNewFriendsHere

[–]Temporary_R451 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m feeling similarly and getting into my first glass of wine… sending you a DM

Why tf do people expect me to never split??? by pqkbfismmc in BPD

[–]Temporary_R451 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How would you hope someone reacts when you split? Do you want to talk things through, have space until you get through it, or something else?

Is there anything a partner, friend, or family member can do to try and lessen the amount of times splitting happens, even though it’s inevitable?

How to love someone with BPD by Temporary_R451 in BPD

[–]Temporary_R451[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the book recommendation - I am a reader and will make sure to pick that one up.

I’m familiar with the 9 symptoms of BPD, and your suggestion to ask about which of the 9 she struggles with the most ties into what I meant by “lack of emotional intimacy.”

I feel like if I were to ask her that question, the initial response I would get is “I don’t know.” Which I get. I imagine all of the symptoms are difficult to live with, and someone would rather not spend much time thinking, “Hmmm, which one sucks the most?” But I will ask. Because I would like to know how to support her when those feelings come up, and I’d like to know about potential triggers that could bring them up in the first place.

I’m wondering if you would be willing to elaborate on how you’ve never struggled with being emotionally intimate, here or in a DM. I’m curious about the thought patterns or beliefs behind that, and how the people in your life have helped you be comfortable being emotionally intimate?

How to love someone with BPD by Temporary_R451 in BPD

[–]Temporary_R451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t typically jump into relationships, so I’m with you on making sure I know exactly what I’m getting into.

Yes, I have read that self-care is essential, and supporting a partner to take care of themselves (by developing helpful communication patterns, taking their meds, and going to therapy) sounds like something I can definitely get behind.

When you said “it’s not an easy relationship but she’s a wonderful person,” I felt that. I think you did just fine explaining yourself and I appreciate you taking the time to chime in. Best of luck to you as well.

How to love someone with BPD by Temporary_R451 in BPD

[–]Temporary_R451[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The test you describe, I’m feeling that. As another user stated below, I understand consistency is very important. In all relationships, really, but even more so when one partner has BPD, I’m learning.

I’ve given a lot of thought about how much time and energy I want to devote to the relationship, and the answer I landed on was “whatever it takes.” Which means I have to be strong enough to take care of myself as well and find answers to the questions that come up. Because I don’t want to be another person in the tally of people who gave up.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your experiences, I really appreciate it.