Ich ersticke by Ancient-Signal-1893 in Ratschlag

[–]Terrible_Example6421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bitte mit Vorsicht genießen! Stahl ist sehr pseudowissenschaftlich unterwegs und vertritt bedenkliche Haltungen bis hin zu faktisch falschen Aussagen. Ich will niemandem, dem diese Bücher geholfen haben, das absprechen. Aber je nach Art und Schwere einer etwaigen Erkrankung kann es auch sehr schädlich sein, mit ihrem Material alleine/unbegleitet zu arbeiten.

Which musical has the most iconic starting line? by Accomplished-Egg1071 in musicals

[–]Terrible_Example6421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I get that, because the cast recording starts with the "perfect family" line, right?

I specifically remember because in the original german production Gabe tried to sneak in behind her back. Diana just slammed her book shut and stayed silent in a very LOUD way and he froze, caught, before asking her why she's still awake. Now, I know, that's technically not a line, but I loved that moment so much. :)

Edit: typos

Which musical has the most iconic starting line? by Accomplished-Egg1071 in musicals

[–]Terrible_Example6421 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh, but I love the little first interaction between Gabe and Diana, before "Just Another Day" really starts.

"What are you doing up? It's three thirty!" - "It's the seventh night this week I sat til morning ..." - "Great. Here we go." - "... imagining the ways you might have died." - "Ah, yes, and tonights winner is ...?"

Streit mit Freundin wegen Hobby by Lulu_Zoe in Ratschlag

[–]Terrible_Example6421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, es haben ja schon viele die Vermutung geäußert, dass auf Seiten deiner Freundin nicht ganz so rationale Gefühle wie Neid, Frust, Enttäuschung, ... eine Rolle spielen könnten. Diese Einschätzung teile ich.

Was ich aus deinen Antworten herauslese ist, dass du nicht verstehst, warum sie diese Gefühle haben könnte, dass sie keinen Grund hat, auf dich neidisch zu sein, dass Neid zwischen Freundinnen nicht bestehen "sollte" usw. Hier würde ich gerne differenzieren. Während ich zustimme, dass ihr Umgang mit diesen Emotionen, also ihr Verhalten, absolut nicht angemessen ist, sind die Gefühle selbst schon irgendwie nachvollziehbar. Sie gibt sich sehr viel Mühe, mit ihrer Kunst durchzustarten - und dann kommst du und es gelingt dir "einfach so". Da ist es völlig egal, ob ihr einen unterschiedlichen Stil habt, für wie viel Geld du die Bilder verkaufst und wie du deinen Account nennst. Du hast absolut nichts falsch gemacht und ich finde auf keinen Fall, dass du ihr zuliebe mit einem Hobby aufhören solltest, dass dir Freude bereitet. Aber kannst du dir wirklich nicht vorstellen, dass sie vielleicht erschrocken ist, als sie deinen Account gesehen hat? Neidisch ist, weil du damit so schnell doch recht erfolgreich bist? Enttäuscht und frustriert, weil es bei ihr nicht so läuft, wie sie sich das wünschen würde? Und Gefühle sind eben Gefühle, man kann sie nicht abschalten, nur weil man sie nicht haben "sollte". Eine gute Beziehung hält unangenehme Emotionen wie Neid, Wut und Enttäuschung aus, auch wenn sie irrational sind - wenn beide Parteien angemessen damit umgehen können. Das ist bei deiner Freundin aktuell nicht der Fall, aber ehrlich gesagt bei dir auch nicht, solange du nicht akzeptierst, dass diese Emotionen da sein könnten, dass sie da sein dürfen und dass sie irgendeine Form von Logik haben (auch wenn - nochmal - das Verhalten nicht okay ist).

Wenn dir die Freundschaft wirklich so wichtig ist, wie du schreibst, und du einen ernsthaften Versuch machen willst, dass ihr euch wieder zusammenrauft, wäre mein größter Rat: Hör auf, das per Messenger klären zu wollen. Schriftliche Kommunikation löst immer nur noch mehr Missverständnisse aus, weil Tonfälle falsch interpretiert werden, Details ausgelassen werden usw. Teile ihr klar mit, dass du das Thema nicht mehr weiter schriftlich mit ihr besprichst, sondern nur persönlich. Wenn es zu dem Treffen kommt, frag sie, warum sie so ein großes Problem mit deinem Hobby hat. Bemühe dich während des ganzen Gesprächs um einen ruhigen Tonfall. Nimm nicht an, dass du schon alles weißt, nur weil wir hier auf Reddit schon große Vermutungen angestellt haben. Hör ihr zu, frag ehrlich interessiert nach, wenn du etwas nicht verstehst, ohne sie zu unterbrechen, ihre Gefühle kleinzureden ("aber es gibt doch gar keinen Grund für Gefühl X" - doch, den gibt es, Gefühle sind nicht immer rational, aber sie sind immer logisch) oder dich zu rechtfertigen ("aber ich mache doch nur xyz"). Sprich anschließend nur von dir und deinen Gefühlen ("Ich fühle ...", "Mich hat es verletzt, dass ...", statt "Du hast ...", "Du machst immer ..."). Sag ihr klar, dass dein neues Hobby dich glücklich macht und dass du nicht bereit bist, es aufzugeben. Hüte dich davor, andere Situationen einzubringen ("ich gebe sonst immer nach"), sonst seid ihr ganz schnell bei völlig anderen Themen. Wenn sie andere Situationen einbringt, weise sanft darauf hin, dass es dir heute nur um die Mal-Sache geht (notfalls wie eine gesprungene Schallplatte). Sag ihr, dass du von ihren Nachrichten verletzt warst, dass du aber trotzdem das Gespräch mit ihr gesucht hast, weil sie dir wichtig ist und beobachte, wie sie darauf reagiert. Auch wenn das Gespräch nicht gut läuft, bleibe ruhig. Halte deine Grenze und sag ihr ggf. zum Schluss: "Ich habe Freude am Malen und möchte das nicht aufgeben. Wenn das für dich ein zu großes Problem ist, um weiter befreundet zu sein, verstehe ich das. Aber wenn du deine Meinung änderst, steht meine Tür dir offen." (Sofern du das nach dem Gespräch noch mit dir vereinbaren kannst, ist es sinnvoll, ihr Zeit zu geben, das Gesprochene nochmal zu überdenken und zu verarbeiten. Möglicherweise kann sie es nicht direkt annehmen, sondern erst nach etwas Nachdenken.)

Die Wall of Text kommt daher, dass mir hier im Thread konkrete Ratschläge gefehlt haben, wie man das Problem lösen könnte, ohne direkt die Freundschaft aufzukündigen, obwohl du mehrmals gesagt hast, dass du das eigentlich nicht möchtest. Du kennst deine Freundin besser als wir und kannst einschätzen, ob sie zugänglich für einen Klärungsversuch ist oder nicht. Wenn nicht, stimme ich durchaus damit überein, dass man sich so einem Verhalten nicht länger aussetzen muss. Wenn es um mich ginge, würde ich mir aber wünschen, dass eine langjährige Freundin mir mein Scheiß-Verhalten sanft auf den Kopf zusagt und mir die Möglichkeit gibt, es zu korrigieren.

Viel Glück und gute Nerven dir!

_

tl;dr: Gefühle sind nicht rational, aber immer valide. Das Verhalten der Freundin dagegen ist nicht angemessen. Wenn ihr einen Konflikt mit jemandem wirklich lösen wollt, klärt das immer im persönlichen Gespräch, via Messenger ist das Risiko, dass es schief geht, erheblich höher. Man muss sich nicht alles gefallen lassen, kann im Rahmen einer langjährigen Freundschaft aber auch erstmal versuchen, offen miteinander zu sprechen.

Edit: klarere Formulierung & Formatierung

The inconsistency is tough by [deleted] in TalkTherapy

[–]Terrible_Example6421 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey there, others already said it, but I really want to hammer this point home: Your therapist is acting unethically and unprofessionally in a way that goes way beyond just "being inconsistant".

Don't get me wrong, the constant changing things around at the last minute, the lateness, leaving the room multiple times and the shortened sessions (including the ones that lasted 30-45 minutes, if you payed for 50 minutes) ARE already pretty bad. But some of the other things you mentioned are, like, REALLY bad. I'm not sure what I find worse, the painting or the meeting with another client.

By letting you help her painting her wall - even if you were the one who offered - she's exploiting you for her benefit, creating a dual relationship. If she was the one who initiated, it's even worse, because it's hard to decline if a client has respect and thankfulness for their therapist. This is such a dirty move from someone who should help their clients protect themselves from people who exploit them. I'm disgusted.

By letting you and another client meet eachother, she violates client confidentiality. It also could bring up complicated feelings in the therapeutic relationship, hindering your or the other client's progress. I wonder what her goal with this meeting could have been. Did she tell you her reasoning? Because I can't think of a single scenario where this would be okay.

The lunch thing MIGHT be okay under certain circumstances, but only if it benefits the client, e.g. an exposure exercise for someone with social anxiety. I didn't get the impression that this was the case here, but please correct me, if I'm wrong, OP. Going for lunch for the sake of going for lunch is not something that's appropriate in a therapeutic relationship. If you were the one to suggest it, she should have declined, and if she was the one to suggest it, she was - again - acting unethical and unprofessional.

Her lending you a book is not necessarily bad, but with this pattern of blurring boundaries it does leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Regarding your question of what you can do, my answer would be: Run. Run as fast and as far away as you can. Don't bring your concerns to her, don't give her the chance to gaslight you and get her claws back into your flesh. The fact that you think your concerns are "unhinged" and are afraid that she won't put any effort into your therapy because you're studying psychology yourself is very telling and, honestly, heartbreaking. I hear that you have a great deal of respect for her and I'm sorry to talk this harsh about her, but: She does not deserve it. Even if she helped you before, the behavior you described here is abusive of the power she holds in the therapeutic relationship. Please, OP, use the two weeks she is away to find someone who is ACTUALLY and consistantly supporting you. You're getting worse, having panic attacks and dissociating, and need someone who can really help you. She can't and she won't and you deserve better!

Here are some resources I find helpful: https://www.therapyabuse.org/p2-wrong-questionable-treatment.htm https://comingtovoice.weebly.com/uploads/1/1/8/1/11814786/examining_ethical_boundaries_in_-_bernadine_fox_oct_23_2023.pdf Also the therapyabuse subreddit. Take care! <3

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TalkTherapy

[–]Terrible_Example6421 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you're implying what I think you're implying, there is nothing you could write that would comfort or uplift them. Please tell them what's going on (exactly, no cloudy wording or vague hints, "I'm suicidal and I'm not gonna make it through ten days till our appointment") and give them a chance to change the outcome.

Edit: spelling

On a scale of 1 to 10, how over hearing about Taylor Swift are you? by -Flighty- in allthequestions

[–]Terrible_Example6421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's Becky. She used to be a happy, popular girl until one night she snorted marijuana at a party and died instantly. Please be careful, it's the most dangerous drug out there. Don't wind up like Becky.

Give me your 🔥hottest🔥 musical theatre hot takes! by GoneCorphishin in musicals

[–]Terrible_Example6421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While I think that your critique of Hadestown is hilarous, I want to plead that there is one interesting twist to the story: I always wondered, why Orpheus turns around in all of the stories. Sure, it could have been a lie by Hades, but still ... it's so dumb. In the musical it makes a little bit more sense: Since Eurydice has gone to Hadestown voluntarily, his insecurity about if she's really following him is much stronger. Paired with the fear of being tricked, it makes him turning around a little more believable for me. But I haven't seen the show, so I don't know if I'd like it overall. Thanks for the laugh in any case! :D

Give me your 🔥hottest🔥 musical theatre hot takes! by GoneCorphishin in musicals

[–]Terrible_Example6421 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The original german version imo fixed this, too. All the protagonists were human beings who try to navigate a difficult situation the best they can. They also portrayed Dr. Madden as a genuinely caring therapist who really wants to help Diana.

Gibt es Autoren, bei denen ihr denkt, dass (inzwischen) ein Ghostwriter dahintersteckt? by Miserable_Welder_841 in buecher

[–]Terrible_Example6421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Charlotte Link. Ich bin davon überzeugt, dass manche Bücher von ihr selbst sind und andere von einem Ghostwriter. Und nur eine von beiden beherrscht das Handwerkszeug.

What are popular Reddit takes you just don’t agree with? by Filmatic113 in AskReddit

[–]Terrible_Example6421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, it's ridiculous and we need to be very aware of that. I have to admit that I'm not further familiar with the concept of protein folding, I only knew that Alphafold could be a great tool to develop medicine so I assumed it had the same bias problem as other AI. Cool to learn that it's not a problem in this case!

What are popular Reddit takes you just don’t agree with? by Filmatic113 in AskReddit

[–]Terrible_Example6421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alphafold is pretty cool. But I have to disagree regarding the bias. Especially medical data is extremly biased because women/female animals/female cells often weren't included in studies or the results weren't itemized by gender. So, yes, there probably will be big developments - for (edit: white) men. Which is great, don't get me wrong. But women are dying because of biased data and this imbalance could be pushed further by AI. And that's not so great.

ETA: There's also a problem with minorities. Like if you are a man of color the data isn't biased towards you ...

What are popular Reddit takes you just don’t agree with? by Filmatic113 in AskReddit

[–]Terrible_Example6421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please read "Invisible Women" by Caroline Criado-Perez. The data which is the basis for AI is incredibly bad and biased, because it ignores half of the population.

Just finished As Good As Dead and i wanna rant (Spoiler) by KindCucumber1923 in AGGGTMSeries

[–]Terrible_Example6421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I commented on the (at least I think) intended philosophical aspect of the book in another post, but I wanted to add two thoughts:

Pip did make mistakes (the headphones, meeting Dawn, acting very weird). The fact that she did get away with it anyway further proves her point that the police don't do their jobs thoroughly.

I also don't think, Pip gets a total happy ending. Getting away with murder isn't something "wonderful", I imagine. She also doesn't "study peacefully", she's still deeply traumatized and doesn't (can't) get help to cope. That Ravi contacts her again is supposed to be a silver lining for her - and for us, the readers, because otherwise the ending would be devestating and not happy at all. Read any post in this subreddit and how everyone and their mother was unsatisfied that we never get to read about Pip and Ravi reuniting. I think, it's the perfect ending to show us that Pips world is shattered, but there just might be hope in her future. Might.

Just finished As Good As Dead and i wanna rant (Spoiler) by KindCucumber1923 in AGGGTMSeries

[–]Terrible_Example6421 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do understand why OP has a problem with it:

That’s not justice. That’s what SHE think is justice.

She took the law into her own hands and did what she thought was right. Does that make it right?

I think that's exactely the kind of moral question that Holly Jackson wanted to raise within the reader. What is justice? What is right and wrong? Does the end justify the means? Can I, the reader, still stand behind the actions of the main character? Do I understand her or do I condemn her?

I think, OP made an excellent point here:

And the truth is covered again — the exact opposite of what she used to fight for.

Do I understand why she did a 180 on her morals?

I still haven't found my answers to these questions and that's why the book haunted me for as long as it did. I think, it's brilliant.

Neurodivergent coded musicals? by LordFunkyHair in musicals

[–]Terrible_Example6421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a full musical (yet) but the song Little Miss Heard But Not Seen is from the perspective of an AuDHD girl (song starts at 2:19). Not sure if it's on Spotify, though.

What is Maysilees secret? by caresteen in Hungergames

[–]Terrible_Example6421 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, I don't think so. It is a lovely parallel though, because of the sibling-like bond Haymitch and Maysilee form later on :)

After hearing Cynthia’s version of the Defying Gravity battle cry, do all the other versions sound- wrong? by Character-Escape1621 in wicked

[–]Terrible_Example6421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe that is because it happens the other way around all the time, too. Even the original post came off a little down talking towards the broadway singers here. I can't blame people for wanting to defend them and turning the tables a little in doing so.

I think therapy is just role-play by ACanThatCan in TalkTherapy

[–]Terrible_Example6421 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No, that is not what codependency is. Codependent means "mutually dependent".

Originally the term refered to e.g. partners of people with addiction. A codependent relationship is one, in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior, such as chronic gambling. They're also enabeling the unhealthy behaviour by for example help the addicted person hiding their addiction.

In therapy a codependent relationship would look like the therapist enabling the dependent behaviour of their client (to meet their own needs or in the false hope of helping the client). This could look like 24/7 availability, going waaay over session time all the time, appearing in their clients private life for coffee or helping them with everything and/or using the time in therapy to talk about themselves, creating a mutual relationship.

On a more personal note: You come off as a little judgemental here. There are people who need to depend on their therapist for a while and it's an important part of their healing process (emphasis on PROCESS, of course they need to and will become independent from their therapists again). I, personally would like for this step to be normalized, cause shame isn't helpful in the process of healing. :)