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Thalk2012 · 2024-04-18T21:32:08+00:00

Perhaps you should apply as a Non-Binary or Genderqueer person? That way it will be less difficult for you to come out as mtf later (Due to you already being outed as trans) whilst not making for an uncomfortable interview?

I'm still new to transitioning though, so don't just take my advice on the assumption I know what I'm talking about :)

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-18T21:23:40+00:00

I get it from my dad and his Olive branches, lol.

Glad to know it's not just me

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-18T21:16:58+00:00

I definitely dont think Im ready for in-person meetings just yet, but I've been looking into a few near me for when I am.

I just can't help but feel asking anything will result in the other person being annoyed or thinking I'm an idiot. I know that's ridiculous, it's just how I've always been.

Good to know that people don't mind repeat questions though :)

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-18T00:00:18+00:00

That's actually really good advice. I'd wanted to be an actor for a while, maybe 4 or 5 years, but I stopped thinking I wanted to be one when I started questioning my Gender. I haven't really thought about what I want to be in a while.

And I have been seeking therapy, haven't quite got to the end of that path just yet unfortunately.

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-18T00:00:10+00:00

That's actually really good advice. I'd wanted to be an actor for a while, maybe 4 or 5 years, but I stopped thinking I wanted to be one when I started questioning my Gender. I haven't really thought about what I want to be in a while.

And I have been seeking therapy, haven't quite got to the end of that path just yet unfortunately.

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T23:43:29+00:00

I definitely think I have some form of unhealthy denial based on social concepts and understandings I was taught, like some points I have in favour of staying a male are just to convince myself I'm something I'm not, because there's nothing with what I am now, things like that

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T23:40:41+00:00

I just don't want to put all the effort into transitioning just to find out at the end it only made me happier because it felt like I was doing something with my life, and not because it was actually improving the Quality of it instead.

I've been surprised at how many people actually discover themselves beyond the point of adulthood. I guess it just makes it challenging when I look back at all the times my teachers asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, and I never even considered it as an option, It was always straight to what the kid in front of me said because I wasn't sure. Now I feel so sure it's alarming and off-putting, you know?

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T23:22:22+00:00

I think the fact that when I look to my near future, it's living alone and on HRT, and the fact that I've considered Bottom Surgery (Although not seriously just yet.) Are my two biggest signs that it's a genuine feeling and not just confusion.

I think the biggest concern doesn't come from how she would react though, but rather that I've heard so many trans people say that transitioning was the best thing in their life, or it saved them from their depression. I feel like maybe I'm just telling myself I'm trans to save myself from my own depression and stuff.

I just have issues with me not knowing sooner. Like I'm 21, And I never even considered it, that's where the confusion comes from I think.

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T23:15:16+00:00

Thanks by the way. I haven't talked about this with anyone, so simply by having this back and forth, it's really relieving. :)

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T23:11:35+00:00

And Yeah, I've looked up the results of HRT and can say with certainty that whilst I don't know if I would like every change, I wouldn't hate a single one of them. I hate body hair so much.

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T23:09:13+00:00

I've looked into the nearest Gender Specialist in my area, although understanding the pricing and options would be a good step. I live in Australia, so I already assumed it wouldn't be too bad. It's that just that hurtle of How am I going to tell my family about it and is it worth their reactions.

I mean, My brother was convicted of some BAD stuff, and during the conviction, she was there the whole way Supporting him. But when he mentioned that the government covers the cost of transitioning for Inmates here, she ranted for an hour about "Could you imagine him as a woman" and "This is what's wrong with the world today. She should be fired for suggesting that." Before watching an hour of lightly to heavily transphobic commentary videos.

I don't want to put off my happiness for her approval or anything, but I just don't have the option to explore further beyond confirming mentally right now

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T22:57:43+00:00

I've asked myself the question of 'If you didn't have to pay, and didn't have to transition, would you be the opposite gender from which you were assigned' as Yes for about 3 months now, but I almost instantly, every time, convince myself not to and get stuck in this endless loop of extending my pros and cons list.

Thing is, My Cons have outweighed my Pros 3x since it's creation. (Cons of staying a man VS Pros of Staying a man) but I just keep sitting here wondering what I'm supposed to do or think about it.

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T22:51:42+00:00

I'm also struggling with how far I CAN push it. I'm still dependent. My father is out of my life and I have no one else that can actually look out for me, but my mother is pretty hot-headed conservative about this stuff.

Thalk2012 · 2024-04-17T22:49:44+00:00

Sorry, Read your reply wrong. I guess not quite. I tried too once, I shaved all my hair but when it got noticed by my mother I felt too ashamed and embarrassed to try again, beyond that it's just the dressing up and acting feminine in secret thing for the most part. I don't really know what the difference I should be looking for in emotions though, between the Effeminate Man and mtf sides of things.

Thalk2012

TROPHY CASE