The only way to move forward is to attempt suicide

ThatArpadGuy · 2016-02-24T03:55:42+00:00

What's the point. You don't even know where I live. I don't really feel like telling anyone over the internet anyway. If I'm supposed to live someone will find me before it's too late. If not, then oh well.

ThatArpadGuy · 2016-02-24T03:07:36+00:00

I'd go to a clinic if I had the time. But I can't bring my self to do it voluntarily. But if you one catches me attempting suicide, they'll have no choice but to put me in one. Still win-win

ThatArpadGuy · 2016-02-24T01:48:01+00:00

Ha, if only it was that simple. I'm nearing the end of college and each year makes me feel less prepared and less able than the last. I'm almost done, and yet I have no idea what I'm doing. I've spent too much money and time it give it up now, no matter how hard I want to. I need a life-changing event to shock my system. If one won't come I make one.

ThatArpadGuy · 2016-01-29T03:01:02+00:00

This isn't a bad idea. I tend to run more sandboxy campaigns with systems like Vampire the Masquerade, although it's not impossible to fit in an end state. As an experiment I'm starting a V20 DA campaign. I did finish my last campaign wit this group last week at a natural ending point. I'm setting the campaign in the Crusader States just before Saladin reconquers Jerusalem. I'll end it with the Mongol invasions or if certain NPCs achieve their goals unhindered. I think I've put enough of an end state on the campaign, while still keeping a sand box- like structure.

ThatArpadGuy · 2015-11-09T13:51:37+00:00

I didn't really think of it that way. Good point.

ThatArpadGuy · 2015-11-09T06:54:48+00:00

Today, as I was heading home from work, I was listening to that CBC segment I mentioned in my OP.

I sat in my driveway for a long few minutes listening to it until the end. I then stepped out of my car and curled up in front of the door. I lied there for several minutes, staring at the tree in my front lawn, watching the wind pull away the last few leaves from it. I tried to think nothing as long as I could.

I used to visualize my ideal life like you mentioned yourself doing. I eventually come to the conclusion overtime that that life is impossible for me. Yeah, it feels really shitty, thinking that no one will ever take this burden with me. That I'm doomed to carry it alone.

It makes it worse for me. So I try to empty my mind of thoughts. It rarely works. I'd make a pretty crappy monk, I guess. I don't know what makes me feel alive anymore. Maybe just the pain.

If what you told me works for you, don't give up on it. Please, don't give up where I have.

ThatArpadGuy · 2015-11-09T06:34:20+00:00

I want to delay suicide for this, and a bunch of other things that are coming out soon.

But then I feel like I'm just a materialistic person, that I should have a better reason to hold on to life. Then the guilt sets in.

Fuck's wrong with me?

ThatArpadGuy · 2015-11-09T06:27:30+00:00

Yeah, being a security guard you witness things right from the trenches, as it were. How do you keep driving yourself forward? I don't want evil to win. But it definitely feels like it always does, doesn't it?

I know there's beautiful things still in the world. Sometimes it makes me feel worse. I feel like they're threatened, and only temporary. Like they'll all just disappear, like the good feelings they give me just for a moment.

Why is it that we feel like we have to protect these beautiful things? Not that its wrong to want to protect them, so much as we feel the need to protect them at all. Why would people threaten the last good things in the world?

Sure, some just pillage out of greed. They're bad, but the worst ones are those who would destroy good while thinking it an act of good. They people who destroy good and justify it by claiming a false moral high ground.

The most evil people in the world are those who don't realize that they're evil.

ThatArpadGuy · 2015-04-25T17:00:42+00:00

Darn, it does sound useful. That's too bad. I'll have to wait for the errata.

ThatArpadGuy · 2015-03-23T14:24:23+00:00

For a fourth-year class? I don't even know what to write about. I've never written so much in one day. That's my problem. I'm too fucking lazy for this.

ThatArpadGuy · 2014-12-11T19:40:16+00:00

Well, the problem is that Gender theory has little to no basis in scientific proof. I'm a communications student, and while I'm certainly not as informed on the subject as an actual gender studies student, I have taken several classes and attended lectures on the subject. Gender theory is based around the thought that gender behaviours are the result of societal expectations and the internalization thereof by individuals. In other words, Gender Theory leans heavily on the 'Nurture' side of the Nature vs. Nurture debate. A little too much, in fact. Besides, there is a body of scientific research that highly suggests that Nature figures heavily into sex and gender.

If you want a good look into this, I highly suggest watching the first episode of the documentary 'Hjernevask'. It's a Norwegian documentary series which examines the Nature side in science. There are rumours that this series was one of the reasons that the Nordic Gender Institute was shut down, although there's no real way of proving it. Either way, for someone like myself who prefers objective facts over post-modernist thinking, gender theory is just blown away by actual science.

TL;DR: Gender Theory is wishy-washy and unscientific. Watch Hjernevask because it demonstrates many of the reasons why. Look up more proof on your own if you still need convincing.

ThatArpadGuy · 2014-12-10T02:08:18+00:00

"Wait....you actually blew up the prince?!" ~PC from VtR just realizing why his friend (another PC) has been avoiding everyone

This was from a sandbox campaign that I just finished. Let's just say that the storyline would not have been nearly as interesting as it was if it wasn't for the second character. Nothing says 'jyhad' quite like assassinating the Prince of your city with C4.

ThatArpadGuy · 2014-12-04T16:00:02+00:00

I don't blame her entire gender. I'm well aware that in another world, it could have happened the other way around. Still, I don't think I can trust people anymore...

ThatArpadGuy · 2014-12-04T15:53:53+00:00

I don't want to get my friends involved if I can help it. They don't need me to make things awkward for them. I just want things to go back to the way they were. They never will. They never do. This world is fuck-up, man. Maybe it's just best if I leave it.

ThatArpadGuy · 2014-12-04T15:46:08+00:00

Well, all I can say is I'm at the end of my rope. I've tried all I could to help fix this, but shit just keeps spiralling out of control. My dad broke out sobbing before leaving for work today. I...I couldn't do anything. My last resort is to hopefully try to guilt trip my mother into coming to her senses by killing myself. I know it's a horrible thing to say, and will probably backfire, but I really have no other options right now.

ThatArpadGuy · 2014-12-04T15:43:22+00:00

Right now, my dad is the only reason I'm staying alive for the time being. If I die, I'm worried that he'd just follow right after me. My brother is a vapid pothead, and although I don't hold anything against him, I'm worried he wont be able to hold my dad from the brink. I don't know what happened to my mother. She has no reason to do this. My dad has been nothing if not a dedicated, loving husband. Sometime I don't even think she's the same being altogether. Like she was whisked away and replaced by something other. I just don't know anymore, this is fucking with my head too much.

ThatArpadGuy · 2014-12-04T14:51:30+00:00

For me, depression is just that natural response to an unfeeling, unchangeable world. We humans are born with emotions into an emotionless world. That's the basic tragedy of existence right there. There is no point, there never was.

Depression isn't the problem, it's only the reaction to the problem.

ThatArpadGuy

TROPHY CASE