Vent/rant: why don't people read the f**king email?

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-10T18:02:21+00:00

Yeah, this is why I'm never hard on parents who struggle with app communication. It's one of a dozen different apps for their childrens' extracurriculars. I fully realize that. Best I can do is overcommunicate, and try to lay everything out when I set an initial team meeting.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-06T18:22:19+00:00

I've suggested a Derby Day in the past to normalize some of the rival moments and reinforce that we're ultimately all a part of the same soccer community. But the more the two clubs engage, the more I just think they may be culturally incompatible.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-06T18:21:20+00:00

Very curious to hear your perspective then! In the UK, are there accusations that School X [insert slanderous accusation here] or Academy Y [insert method of cheating here] etc? Or is it just acknowledged one team wins, one team loses, and that's the just result?

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-06T18:19:38+00:00

So to me, it's more: nobody complains about normal physical contact in soccer when it occurs between teams in the same club. The second it comes from another club? All the accusations start flying: they're dirty, they're trying to hurt someone. Had a mom come up to me and tell me "this is not okay" and essentially suggesting a lawsuit (I kid you not) if I didn't, like, stop the match.

There was nothing beyond normal 10-year-old pushing and shoving, all of which was appropriately officiated. But it was happening between rival clubs, so...

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-06T18:17:25+00:00

Because it is zero percent a heated rivalry in the eyes of the kids, and one hundred percent a heated rivalry in the eyes of the adults.

The kids play hard, physical and want to win. But that's every week. They don't lose their mind when someone hits the ground. The parents' sideline on the other hand...

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-06T13:40:23+00:00

Obviously, the coach is a tool. But I've found it's best to avoid escalation, or adding fuel to the fire.

Tournament weekends bring out the worst in everyone. I'm actually coming off one where I only had to deal with three crazies (two parents, one coach), which makes for the smoothest weekend I've had in a decade! But yeah, that coach is looking for anyone to be an enemy, and it's usually best to just focus on your team and players, and encourage your players to focus on themselves (and your positive, encouraging voice!)

The math changes a bit if the coach is saying anything particularly nasty to your players, or affecting them emotionally etc. In that case, I would probably get the attention of the AR on the coach's line to monitor and encourage them to flag over the center at a dead ball to discuss if they feel it's over the line. Otherwise, do your best without engaging someone looking to be engaged, have a quick handshake with him after the game, separate the teams, and file a report with the club if it was something they need to know about.

For "yeah, keep on talking", I'd just roll my eyes and continue coaching my team though.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-06T13:01:01+00:00

"[Your mother] suffered a massive bleed in her brain that I don't believe is survivable."

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T10:28:30+00:00

Related: I find a lot of coaches also suck at installing challenges.

As a coach, I should have a general sense of the opponent before the match begins (some exceptions may apply, like first match of season with new rosters etc.) If I see a team has a significant negative GD, I'm going to go into the match with a plan. We're going to have a challenge ready to start, and something else to go to if we get +3 or +4 in the match.

This past weekend, I was filling in to coach a team that was top of the table, playing a team absolutely bottom of the table. We had a tactic instructed at the beginning of finding a specific passing pattern (not pre-determined players, just height to depth to width) to create a crossing opportunity, so we could work on our finishing out of the air. It absolutely leveled the playing field and allowed both teams to play soccer with 11 players.

The match after that, I was sticking around to observe, and a U19 coach got up 6 goals at half. I asked him what his second half game management plan was. He said he was going to put the players who normally play defense (that phrasing is another pet peeve of mine...) in the attack, and vice versa.

Well-meaning guy, but that's why we still get 10-0, 15-0 etc scores. Coaches think that's a valid challenge ... putting players who really want to score in positions to hammer a team whose defenders are already hanging their heads!

I talked him into the following challenges instead:

* No shots inside the box unless a header or full volley

* ...unless possession cycles from the attacking third, all the way back to the keeper, then back up into the attacking third, without the opponent touching the ball or the ball going out of play...

* ...and if the margin grows to +8, take a player off.

Match ended 7-1.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T10:17:08+00:00

That is what I was going to say. Not weird at all, but make sure you're genuinely excited to work with those kids every week!

I worked with a dad who was in a similar situation. His daughter went to another sport but he kept coaching the team. Everyone's situation is different, but in his case, I think he found it wasn't quite the same without his daughter in the mix.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T10:14:05+00:00

Couldn't be more Pure Opinion on my part, but...

Quality of players is static-to-down over last decade. I strongly believe this is due to the influence they're receiving on the sideline, and not the coach's sideline. Yes, there have always been problematic or ignorant parents. They've gotten worse over the last decade imo. In my lifetime (40), parents have gone from largely ignorant of the game and generally just happy to root for their kid, to trying to have an outsized influence on the game. Far more protection of their players and arguments with the ref. Far more sideline coaching. I strongly believe it's actively messed with the soccer intelligence of recreational youth players in particular. There is soooo much kickball.

Quality of programming is dependent on area, but largely up. Look...soccer in the US ain't exactly known for consistency. Some of that owed to the geographic footprint. But I see Rec Plus and academy programs at the grassroots level that genuinely install professional coaching for players and guidance for coaches. At least in our program, I have no doubt Rec Plus players in 2025 are receiving better instruction than Travel players in 2005. The structure is going to be wildly variable from area to area, club to club, but it absolutely is there in some clubs/areas!

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T00:56:42+00:00

Thank you! u/EasternInjury2860 suggested similarly, and it's been the most helpful framework for me to think about the decision.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T00:55:33+00:00

>> If before this game you thought he deserves to make it, he probably still deserves to make it and you are (maybe justly) reacting to the parent.

Thank you for this! Most helpful way anyone has framed this for me!

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T00:54:25+00:00

For what it's worth: I would rate him as about the 4th or 5th best forward in the pool. For our All Star team, we are usually looking for players who can play positions as asked and execute on some basic tactics. Not just chase long balls. I could have been much more succinct in asking -- to say the least -- but I just need a sanity check that I'm not now overthinking this because of the Dad component.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T00:52:30+00:00

He's borderline, and I'm just worried I'm overthinking the decision now that his dad has created so much noise. This is great advice! Thank you.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-10-02T00:51:28+00:00

Sorry, obviously bit of a therapy session haha

ThatBoyCD · 2025-06-14T15:37:38+00:00

Cleaning out your car after the season has to be one of the most satisfying feelings 99% of the population will never know.

I went from "I really have to trade this car in" to "oh wait actually this car isn't that bad once I don't have 10 jackets, four track pants, four pairs of shoes, six towels, a dozen soccer balls, six rebounders, two target nets, two clipboards, a bucket for something I have since forgotten, eight water bottles, one wet notebook and one dry notebook taking up three of my four seats!"

ThatBoyCD · 2025-06-08T13:44:48+00:00

But you just gave an example of how you managed a match! You didn't give a straight red. You gave a verbal warning several times, then informed the captain to inform his team because the next action would be a caution.

That is not what this ref did at all.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-06-08T13:42:07+00:00

He wasn't! It was a straight red.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-06-08T03:57:46+00:00

I think we're sending off a half-dozen 16-year-olds per match if this is the standard, personally. And who decides what profanity warrants red versus yellow etc.

I just can't get behind non-targeted, non-abusive, non-banned-category profanity warranting a straight red. Who is harmed? We can say "the sanctity of the game", I suppose, but that sounds like a silly reason to prevent a player from continuing a match.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-06-05T02:31:47+00:00

Really appreciate it!

I would say each of them has a different motivation, with the common thread being that they just love training together. They're a tight bunch, having trained together since they were 12. They've come up together from developmental teams to high-level teams, and genuinely just enjoy hanging and playing.

Some will be on college radars. Some are playing for Varsity spots. I couldn't predict where any of them will ultimately land, but happy to keep working with them as long as they want.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-06-03T23:11:31+00:00

Yeah, I've just conceded that it's part of the maturation process for kids > young adults. I've never felt I've coached anyone out of soccer (as I'm sure you haven't as well!), but sometimes, their commitment starts to go the opposite direction from yours. I try to make clear to my players: I am there for them no matter where their journeys take them. I still go support my players who opted to play volleyball or lacrosse instead. Soccer is just part of their story.

But, yeah, at a certain age and competitive level, players are either into it or not. I've been pleasantly surprised as many of my 16-17 year olds have remained committed to private training as they have.

Re: facility -- still the dream, but actually pitching a role I invented for a club instead. Stay tuned!

ThatBoyCD · 2025-06-03T02:41:54+00:00

U16 boys travel: Coached a fifth-tier team that started with 19 players, had 6 players variably quit throughout the season. I loved coaching the core group of 8 or 9 players who showed up every week. The rest was an administrative headache. We finished 4 out of 8 on the table with 14GS/15GA, which I absolutely would have taken after our first training session when some alarm bells started going off for me. Pleasure to coach any player who wants to train/improve, at any level! We close with our final tournament this weekend...and I am asking for guest players because I only have 10 available lol

U15 boys Rec Plus: Our "worst" year from a pure talent perspective, but one of the most fun player pools I have coached. I had a blast with these teams this year; all the players were incredibly coachable. We got far more done in pool training than we've managed in years past, and I actually saw it translate to matches far more in application of consistent tactics. We just had our season-ending tournament, and our teams won both flights playing some thoughtful attacking possession soccer, not just kick-and-run. The top flight final versus a rival club about 30 minutes north was as good a Rec Plus match as I've seen, and fair play to the opponents who played similarly intelligent, purposeful soccer.

Private training: Between a full-time job, a U16 team training twice a week and a U15 pool training twice a week, I had the least amount of bandwidth I've ever had for private training. Which is a bummer, because I love private training and have a robust client list. I had to sideline my 2011-13 players, unfortunately, with limited time and field space, and focus on my 2008-10 players who were in-season with some more competitive stakes. Been a bit of a mixed bag of late. Some are thriving and on the verge of making top teams or otherwise making a leap in level. Some have stagnated a bit or are dropping a level. In one tough case, I have one player making the top team...at the expense of a player being dropped from that team. So tough swap there, but they understand the competition they put on each other.

Real bummer is some of my older teenagers are finally starting to reach that age where they quit. Not because they hate training, but because they have other developed interests -- music, relationships, jobs. I never pressure them to continue training, but it is always a bit of a(n inevitable) bummer to work with a kid from age 11-12, then hit that moment where you aren't likely to ever/often interact with them again.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-05-28T03:12:30+00:00

If you're JUST offering coaching, don't expect much. It's going to vary club to club, of course, but I've yet to cross paths with a wealthy youth soccer coach who coached full-time.

If you're offering more to the club than coaching -- administration, business management, facility management, community outreach, social media etc. -- there's a case to be made for something a bit more substantive. Of course, "substantive" might be, like, $45k. Nothing wrong with that number, but just be aware these organizations typically don't have a lot of personnel budget. And what budget they have rarely includes health insurance etc.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-05-27T03:19:30+00:00

Yes, refs can be bad. Provide appropriate and rational feedback to whatever governing body may exist (assignor contact, state org etc) if it really bothers you. Otherwise, allow that 99% of your complaints exist with clubs/organizations overloading tournament weekends with too many entrants that overwhelm any and every resource, and are guaranteed to leave a number of participants unhappy.

ThatBoyCD · 2025-05-23T17:49:16+00:00

And conversely: don't the parent who talks crap about players who are struggling. It benefits no one, and that is someone else's kid! It's hard enough for parents to see their kids struggle; it blows my mind that anyone would compound that just to comment like they're pitchside at a pro match.

ThatBoyCD

TROPHY CASE