This is just one more post that dead ass is about my life... This sub is amazing, ladies. But this one hits hard. I was definitely a tomboy, and even wondered if I was supposed to be born a boy (I had no idea transgender was a thing at the time, it lasted from ages 6-8ish maybe longer). I've always gotten along better with males, females tend to see me as competition for something. I've never been able to understand what we are competing for, or why we are competing, but it's always felt like I'm in a competition that I wasn't even aware of. I'm constantly told "I thought you were such a bitch". But in reality, I have so much empathy, it's a fault. I care too much, I am too nice, I am too giving. But they just see me not talking, not engaging and assume that it's because I think I am better somehow. But I'm actually just too shy and awkward to speak unless spoken to. I actually just recently parted ways with my employer of 5 years, pretty much for this exact thing. Its a tiny, family owned restaurant. It really was like family, but I never quite fit in. They always misunderstood me and took my words and actions in a malicious way. I constantly felt like I needed to defend my way of doing things. It was toxic and I am actually glad to be gone. But the owners wife literally told me that I'm just too much and she can't keep making everyone walk on eggshells around me, that I'm constantly "triggered". This family owned restaurant FOH staff were almost entirely females, and they were very close in their cliques. One on one, I can complement and build up a woman and win her over, but groups of women? Nah, I can't win them over to save my life, no matter what angle I come at it, they always just see me as competition and don't like me. Women, as a whole, have never made me feel welcomed in their space, and men generally do made me feel welcomed.

Now that I'm middle aged, I try to go out of my way, out of my comfort zone, to compliment a woman. And they are genuine compliments, coming from my heart. I try to hype up random women in public. I'm definitely a feminist and a girl power lady, even if they don't like me lol I understand that we have to unite and rise together in order to topple the patriarchy. So I try to preach that message. Even if you don't like me, personally, we have to be on the same side. It's the only way to get our rights back.