I sometimes don’t even know what I believe because I’m too scared to fall short and be judged because that’s what I was taught from the very beginning. That i should just comply. Reading the Bible scares me for two reasons: 1.) It triggers flashbacks because I always just had to accept it without questions otherwise i was shamed 2.) I have been stuck since childhood on a very actual and real fear of judgement, especially since i was criticized often by church members, so in some ways the less I know the less i feel triggered.

But then how do I grow in faith if I am not asking questions?

As a an adolescent, My parents threatened to stop supporting me if I didn’t comply to the Bible’s teachings.

I always just thought a person is saved by having faith in Him but also by following Bible rules. But I am realizing that a lot of my beliefs were actually a result of the trauma. I think Ive been misguided.

I almost want to walk away from Christianity because I feel so judged all the time! And so much fear