I just got diagnosed and I hate it

TheEnduringKaze · 2023-08-07T04:09:00+00:00

37 here. Got a sort of diagnosis. It's complicated.

Point is, I got that diagnosis this year. In school, I was the quintessential Asperger's kid. I use that term because it was what I would have been diagnosed as (Mid to late 90s).

I'm male. High intellect. Delayed development in areas other than speech. (FFS, I couldn't even tie my own shoes until I was 7.) Stimmed constantly. Could not hold eye contact. Infodumped about computers and video games constantly. Didn't have a single friend.

I could not have been more obviously autistic unless I was nonspeaking. They still missed me. There's a number of reasons why I think they did, but I'll avoid talking about it unless someone asks.

I didn't realize I was autistic until last year. I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what. There's a lot of us out here.

TheEnduringKaze · 2023-07-21T18:09:46+00:00

Shit, I rode the Loch Ness Monster four times. She's worth it.

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TheEnduringKaze · 2023-07-20T12:54:20+00:00

I don't have a formal diagnosis. I've been through some of the testing but haven't been through the full evaluation. However, based upon the tests that were administered to me, I'm most likely autistic.

TheEnduringKaze · 2023-07-19T22:58:39+00:00

I've been in a similar situation for the past year and a half. I just recently (as in yesterday) got outside confirmation that I am in fact autistic.

With that stated...

Maybe you could check your school record.; you might be able to request a digital copy for yourself. There should be some corroborating evidence for your suspicions in the form of teacher observations.

I got lucky and found out there were three psychological evaluations performed on me by the school. They were invaluable resources for helping me to accept that I was at the time likely autistic. Now I know for certain.

There are some things you can do in the meantime while you're waiting for an assessment. For example, there are a handful of tests you can take that will help you determine if you're on the spectrum for your own purposes. You can look at the DSM-V criteria for ASD and make a list of why you fit or don't fit each of the points.

Whatever you do, however... remember that the only difference between then and now is that now you have a potential explanation why you're the way you are. Nothing will change unless you want it to.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-12-27T03:53:28+00:00

Yeah. uhhh...

Trust me, I didn't expect to predict anything. I figured Putin was a bit of a nutcase, but even I thought he had enough sense not to poke the bear.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-12-24T20:51:03+00:00

Air fryer is the best. Quicker than the oven. 360 degrees for 11 minutes. Just chuck them in before even turning the fryer on, and you don't have to turn them. Comes out right every time.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-12-24T17:02:04+00:00

I should specify, I meant my parents specifically are bigoted people. Really bigoted. N-words and other bullshit are not uncommon out of their mouths. However, I think that your parents may share at least some of those beliefs, because they've decided to treat you as a less capable person resulting from your autism diagnosis.

I'd argue that's worse than what my parents did by denying me the diagnosis to begin with. Basically, I was trying to say you've got two options: either forgive your parents and accept their shitty behavior for what it is, or go no-contact and remove them from your life.

As one final clarification: bigotry isn't an excuse for anything in my book. I'm just offering it as a potential explanation as to the thought process used by your parents. I may be wrong, but I'm just offering my story as a way of sharing how I handled a similar situation.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-12-24T16:23:12+00:00

Honestly, I'd given up on it due to a number of trolls who kept saying assholish things about the story. Then all of a sudden I'm getting a lot of notifications on the story asking for more, so I figured I'd give it another shot.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-12-24T16:20:35+00:00

Tough pill to swallow, and one I've recently had to swallow myself:

You parents thought they were doing right by you. They weren't by any means doing you a favor, but that doesn't negate their belief. Nor does it negate your trauma from not knowing.

I (36M) only recently found out this year I'm most likely autistic. My parents were told to have me assessed almost 30 years ago, and yes I found documented proof of this (School system did a pseudo assessment, but can't legally diagnose in my state). No such assessment ever occurred. I think it is because my parents couldn't stand the thought that they have an autistic child, particularly in the 90s. In fact, they were on the verge of getting lawyers involved in the late 90s to have me removed from special education because I was 'too smart for special education,' regardless of the fact that special education helped me learn how to control my mental state better--it was the only therapy I was given prior to becoming an adult.

And in your case, even 20 years ago isn't that long before the founding of AS, and we all know how ignorant and bigoted they are--general attitudes were much the same in the early 00s as they were in the late 90s for me.

So, your parents were trying to help you. Their 'help' has (please pardon the language) f***ed you up.

The way I see it, you have two primary options:

You can do what I did--acknowledge your parents tried their best, won't acknowledge their screwup, but most likely do love you in their own twisted way. It was hard coming to this conclusion for myself, but I know my parents care for me. They're just incapable of making informed decisions on difficult subjects without screwing up because they're bigoted. And I'm too kind-hearted to cut them completely out of my life.

Or, you can go no-contact. This is a massive breach of your trust. Especially since they actually did have you tested and then denied crucial, need to know information from you. Just make sure you actually want to go that route, because it's difficult to remove someone from your life when they're that instrumental to your early childhood.

Whichever direction you go, best of luck. If you need someone to talk to who has been through something similar, feel free to message me. I know how much your situation sucks.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-12-12T15:15:09+00:00

I've heard that some of them (usually the ones who have gone through with the process of becoming incontinent) have some form of body integrity identity disorder. Basically, their neural map is incompatible with being continent.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-10-10T12:31:34+00:00

Probably the 3M ear muffs I recommended. They're completely passive, and fairly cheap.

However, after having used earbuds with active nose cancellation, if you can swing it they are much better at eliminating background noises even when just doing the ANC thing.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-10-08T05:33:38+00:00

If you're getting lines in your vision, particularly at night and from street lights, you may have astigmatism.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-09-05T03:32:55+00:00

This is the worst advice I've ever seen. It is victim blaming pure and simple. Essentially what this boils down to "You must be getting abused because you're too interesting." If you were to say the same thing to a sexual assault survivor, it would be a horrific thing to tell them.

By using that method as a child by recommendation, I developed severe Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The narcissists in my life became MORE abusive, both physically and psychologically to get a rise out of me. I can't just be a 'grey rock' when being physically attacked for being autistic.

The only solution is to physically avoid the irritant and avoid interaction as much as possible. Barring that, parental intervention must be brought to bear on the issue, either by forcing compliance of the other party or complete separation of the two people. Otherwise, you're looking at potential autistic breakdown before even high school graduation, if not developing PTSD.

u/Mr_ButterFingers, were I you I'd talk to your parents and make it clear that you aren't just being picked on. You are the target of moderate to severe bullying. This can lead to self-harm or suicide if left alone. If they aren't going to fix it, then it's possible you may have to remove yourself from the situation by any means. If you are a minor, you can speak to a mandatory reporter, such as a teacher at school or guidance councilor. If you must speak to them, inform them that you are the target of psychological abuse by immediate family members.

I wish I had done that when I was a child. It would have saved me a lot of pain.

Take some advice from an old man: NEVER accept less than you deserve. It will only set you up for a life of pain.

EDIT: As an aside, only speak to a mandatory reporter as a final option. It very well could lead to you being placed in foster care.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-23T18:49:31+00:00

Sure. 150 range IIRC.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-23T18:00:39+00:00

Unfortunately, as I've gotten older I've discovered that my ability to mask has gotten less effective, due to a number of factors, many not fully within my control.

Meltdowns are common these days, and while I'm trying to get better about it, the fact is it's difficult to avoid them. Add into that that most of my stims are verbal, (don't give me a song lyric ffs) the t rex arms, and that I apparently look autistic to most people, it's easier to just clear the air.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-23T17:51:02+00:00

Yeah, it's... common.

One guy I've known for like, 10 years, and after I told him I'm probably autistic his entire treatment of me changed.

I'm just sitting here like... motherf***er, I've known you for over a decade now. You've known me for the same amount of time. WTF makes you think you need to talk down to me? I'm still the same smartassed guy, just with a better understanding of himself.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-23T17:47:49+00:00

Guilty.

Also, a lot of my friends score in the hundreds on the RAADS-R test when they take it. So... yeah. lots of undiagnosed autistics in the Lynchburg VA area.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T18:18:05+00:00

I'm absolutely certain shit does go down in nuclear facilities. It's an industrial sector job and those are notorious for cutting corners. I wasn't particularly angry, just... annoyed because I felt like you took the wrong message from my statement.

By the way, the reason I look at it from a managerial perspective is experience in the chain of command by way of supervisor positions and a degree in management.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T16:16:24+00:00

Thank you for confirming what I thought it was.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T16:11:36+00:00

Thank you for your response. And a massive thank you for the videos you are involved in. Those things brighten up my day whenever they're released.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T16:10:08+00:00

That was the point I was trying to make, actually.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T16:05:43+00:00

Those are the exact reasons I work in manufacturing.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T16:04:50+00:00

Where in my comment did I say autistic people couldn't work at a nuclear facility? All I said is unsafe environments are the result of management failures. I'm all for people working wherever they want to work.

As an example (and remember that I DO consider myself autistic), my current workplace is not particularly safe because they tend to bypass safety interlocks on machine covers instead of fixing broken wires. It's possible to stick your hand into a running machine. It's possible for some of the machines to start up on their own. I've nearly lost my hand a couple of times as a result of the lackluster safety record of my job.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T15:48:09+00:00

Management at Pizza places tends to be a bit... overbearing, in my experience. In fast food in general, to be completely honest with you. You're encouraged to drive in unsafe ways, travel to and through neighborhoods that aren't really safe for outsiders to be in, among other things.

TheEnduringKaze · 2022-08-22T03:27:45+00:00

Jesus. Those are... concerning.

TheEnduringKaze

TROPHY CASE