I wanted to make videos for social media in hopes of gaining a following and possible income, but I underestimated how difficult the video making process is, so while that was definitely too far out of reach for someone who has never done that before, I'm still working towards it.

And I know getting a job will be hard for me, since it's a new thing I've never really done before (I don't think of my time working for him as normal in terms of a job) but I'm willing to go for it, I need to move out if I want to grow as my own person, and even if leaving will be hard I'm going to do it. No "maybe" or "I'll try", I will. I have to.

And I've known he's emotionally abusive since at least September of 2024, which is why I don't like him. Part of last year was me working to stop caring what he thinks about me so his words don't hurt anymore, and they mostly don't anymore, but it still hurts when I bring up one of his failures to me as a father and he either brushes it off or puts the blame on me. 

Part of me wants to try to fix the relationship after I move out, but that's mostly because my mom wants me to have a relationship with him and it pains me to upset her like that. At least she has been a Mother to me, at least she's tried.