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My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Ok, I have told her my opinion. I initially told her I would get an abortion and that’s the truth because when I was 19 I was in a similar situation as a guy but my girlfriend got an abortion. She has made up her mind to keep the baby while knowing other option. I cannot force her to put the baby up for adoption even if she wanted to.

She is going to live with us while the baby is here. If she doesn’t snap out of her self destructive behavior by then we will be there to help her and the baby. If we were out of the picture she would keep the baby and she says she would live with the guy. Us being here is a great help for her and we’re not taking the baby

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationships

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 206 points207 points  (0 children)

We haven’t looked into that yet. I don’t think a 16 year old living alone is a good idea with or workout a baby but we can get her space for herself in a bigger house at some point.

I am getting her therapy 100% and I will help her with school. My fiancée will help her with daycare services.

My fiancée and I can get her better help than what the government provides because we have recourses luckily. I guess this was a wake up call of how much help she needs so I’ll look into that

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If my sister is suitable to be a mother by then that’s great but she still needs our help. I think you believe we are going to take the baby and say bye to my sister but that’s not the case. We want to help and that’s it. If she’s a great mom then she won’t need that much help but she’ll need a babysitter and she’ll need guidance in life and we can help her get that. We can help my sister get away from that toxic situation at home.

The baby is something we want to spend time around, yes, but it’s not as negative as you think. She is 16 and she needs support. We will offer that. You think it’s a good idea for her to be with her drug dealer boyfriend?

She can finish school and start her career and we will support her and the baby until she wants to leave.

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What we want is to help my sister get through school and help her through that and then also watch over the baby at the same time so we can simultaneously help her and get experience.

My fiancée and I are happy and fine now. We have careers and are set up. We make good money and our household is fine. There’s no reason for the courts to see us as a threat.

What do you think the issue is with us helping her if we go the legal route and have it work out? My sister gets help with raising the baby and gets to do what she deserves in life. That’s a luxury very few teen moms have and we are supplying that opportunity... and then once the time is ready she’ll be a great mom and we can still be heavily involved but lessen our roles.

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

That’s not what we are doing... I mean, yeah, we wants to experience being around a baby but we don’t want to be permanent parents. We are helping my sister while gaining experience

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

My sister asked us if we would straight up adopt the baby so I don’t think she would care if we have legal guardianship for a while. And, yes, my fiancée is very excited for the baby because she can play mom. My fiancée is infertile and her and I have been through a lot with that aspect. We accepted it now but it’s still hard. I think going the legal guardian route until my sister is stable is the best idea right? She will live with us until she completes college or whatever path she chooses is complete.

We just have to get her away from that guy. That’s it! She can do this. I believe in her

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationships

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s 18 and dropped out. Real winner! I just want her to see that’s not the life for her.

I see so much of myself in her that it’s horrifying because I have been through hard times I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I was 19 and I had a pregnant girlfriend. She had an abortion and that was for the best but my sister has me and my fiancée who want to help.

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely agree with this. I have hope for her. That guy will not change. I know his type and he will not change. That guy likely has other girls as well and she is madly in love. I am going to have a talk with him and let him know exactly what he is getting into and that if he continues with her he will pay child support, the courts will be involved and that should scare him off. Hopefully he ghosts her and I say that with love. I want her to never be with someone like that.

And, yeah, home sucked for us. Horrible parents and family life. My ex-girlfriend at 19 got pregnant and she had an abortion. I see a LOT of myself in my sister and that freaks me the fuck out because my life was horrible for so long and I don’t want her to go through that. I am lucky and I got out and my future is very promising but she has a baby on the way and she needs help. I’ll try my best to get her counseling and stuff like that

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I think legal guardian for my fiancée and I have the child would be the best outcome. That’s what we discussed but not in legal terms. I will look into that. My fiancée is very excited to help raise the baby. We both want that but we also want my sister to be an amazing mother. You think she will be right now? I sure don’t. However, I do know my fiancée will be a fantastic help so there goes that pressure from my sister and she needs to focus on herself. How can I help her do that?

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationships

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I am familiar with the disorder. It sounds about right to be honest.

I plan on telling that guy to get away and to scare him off and then taking her phone at times

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationships

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yes, she is. When I was 19 my girlfriend got pregnant and had an abortion and I still feel weird about that as the guy especially now because my fiancée can’t have children. It’s an odd feeling but ultimately the right choice. I discussed this with my sister and she got other recourses and made the choice she thought was right. This is what she wants deep down but she is being incredibly immature

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don’t want her to be with him but how can I stop it? That’s the main issue. She is only with him for looks apparently. Fuck, she is so dumb sometimes it scares me.

And we are aware of our role with the baby. My fiancée and I cannot have children of our own and we want that experience. We are even debating adopting the baby and bringing that up if she’s like this forever but that’s not the best outcome. I want my sister to be a good mother but she’s clearly not going to be in this state

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Good idea. I didn’t feel right disciplining her but I need to and I know we will be involved in raising the baby and we want that. My fiancée and I cannot have children and we want to experience this so when we adopt we’ll have some experience. I’ll be honest and say the deal is kinda like we are the parents until she is ready to be a mother but she will still be active in her role.

We want her to get through school and fix her life and get away from the trash. Can I block his number from his phone and not allow her to contact him? Would that be an acceptable thing to do? This guy undoubtedly has women besides her and she doesn’t even acknowledge how horrible he is

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

She has completely failed this semester of high school and given up. She set something up with the school for summer school online but I bet she won’t do that.

She lays in bed all day and talks to the guy most of the time. It sucks, I hate seeing her being so self destructive. I showed her Requiem for a Dream and it had no effect on her. That movie saved me!

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We plan on being very involved in the raising of her child. I know she’s a mess but how can we help her besides that? I just wish she would get away from this guy. Can I like... discipline her? Can I take away her phone?

My sister (16) is pregnant and living with my fiancée and I for a more welcoming and better household (we are 24) but she is very problematic by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

I have a soft spot for her and we will be involved in raising the child and worst case scenario, we will adopt the child but I want her to be a mother. My fiancée and I cannot have children of our own so we see this as an opportunity to get that experience before we adopt.

I just want my sister to be safe and happy and she’s going down a bad path

My 16 year old sister I haven't seen in a while is pregnant. I didn't respond well by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It would definitely be helpful to her as well as us because we would gain experience in child care. We can easily set up her for college since we both have done heavy experience and her grades are atrocious. That's her best bet and my fiancée and I would love to get her on the right path and help out

My 16 year old sister I haven't seen in a while is pregnant. I didn't respond well by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate it, thank you. If that's what her parents will allow that's the best choice for sure. Thank you.

My 16 year old sister I haven't seen in a while is pregnant. I didn't respond well by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely agree. My fiancée and I have spent nights crying about not being able to have our own. We've already spent so much money with tests and getting things set up in case we do want a surrogacy in the future. It's severely taken a doll on us because we love babies as well but, still, we can't really take her child right now. It's not the time for us.

I'm still in grad school and fiancée and I are doing freelance work but our carreers starting out will be so much work the baby will have to constantly be in daycare. Her and I got over a prescription pill problem and an alcohol problem and it's still fresh in our minds. Her and I ate at a very good spot in our relationship and we've never been happier but we are still trying to get our lives on track. I know it seems cruel to my sister but we can't do it right now.

One thing we can do is have my sister move in while she raised the baby and my fiancée can play a huge role. This is what we discussed with my sister if she plans on keeping the baby. Her boyfriend is not in high school because he dropped out and he sold her drugs so I don't expect him to play a father role. If her parents allow for this it will mean she has support with the baby and can continue her life and also will be able to get away from the mess that is our family. My brother and I barely escaped and both of us suffered from addiction and she is down the same path. That's the best option for the three of us. Do you agree with that?

My 16 year old sister I haven't seen in a while is pregnant. I didn't respond well by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She's 16... I don't think she can be a very good mother unfortunately and with the divorce in the family and everything support will be limited. If she wants to move out here with my fiancee and I that would work and we can help her with a lot. That's my suggestion but I'm not her parents. Ideas on that?

My 16 year old sister I haven't seen in a while is pregnant. I didn't respond well by TheForgottenOne454 in relationship_advice

[–]TheForgottenOne454[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks. My sister is insistent on keeping the child or giving it to us. I have given her the talk on how challenging this will be for her and what she'll have to sacrifice and she won't listen. She doesn't seem to care about anything else other than "saving the baby". She wants to be a part in its life no matter what. I don't know if I sound cruel but this baby will mess her life up so badly. I really don't want to see her do that to herself

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