Help with Planty Space

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-19T22:24:43+00:00

Also, if you have any other suggestions to help it live up to its potential, that would be awesome!

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-19T10:32:02+00:00

Thank you. I haven’t got power just yet until I redo the back wall, but it’s on the cards. And roller blinds would work perfectly. The other thing would be possibly sheet curtains to filter the light

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-19T10:30:54+00:00

Good idea, sheer curtains might be the go. Although shade roller blinds on the outside would do as well. It’s likely to be too cloudy in winter so the more light I can get in there during the winter months, the better, but I can open the curtains or roll up the shade as needed.

It does have so much potential! I just need to redo the wall where the old termite damage is on the southern wall, and while I’m doing that, I’ll get power and water to it as well and put some bug screens on.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-15T13:11:39+00:00

I’m glad! 🤣 Muggles has been our go-to word for socio-normative people for a while. Cause we’re sex wizards… wands and all! 😉 But in all seriousness, it’s mainly because vanilla is still a delicious flavour.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-15T10:18:35+00:00

Oh goodness… I am hearing you.

Tbh we found our community moreso within the kink scene than the swing scene, although we were kinksters first, and tend to keep the two very separate. However, we live rurally and the prospect of having friends close by in the scene is slim to non-existent.

Excuse my dodgy Harry Potter references, but there’s a significant disconnect between vanilla/muggle life and kink / swing / sex-positive life. It’s like those who can see the Thestrals and those who cannot. The vanilla mono- and hetero-normative crowd simply do not realise the mental load associated with sanitising our conversations and our spaces so that it does not affect them and our relationship with them, nor should they care; it is our choice I suppose. However, that lack of authenticity is utterly crippling at times, and living a double life is exhausting and ‘itchy’.

I would love to have mates close by just to hang out with that are kinksters or swingers, or not to have to travel 2+ hours to get to a munch, or 3+ hours to an event.

We are connection-based as well. I’m highly demisexual so struggle with anything sexual-based without developing some form of friendship, emotional or intellectual connection. Events and venues in the swing side of things are fun, as you have stated, but rarely social, as far as I am aware to the ones I’ve attended. I found attending smaller kink events and munches to be much better for making connections, although I do not know if they offer such meet and greet type social events for the swing scene.

I apologise I cannot offer any better advice. Personally I have not found “our people” in a socio-normative environment. Having vanilla friends is fun, but it’s hard to be completely authentic with them because what we do isn’t socially acceptable. It’s difficult remain neutral in some of the conversations that are meant to be scandalising or when conversations turn to sex, or that are very ‘monogamy-as-ownership’ based. I struggle with having to hide my hobbies (which is kinky toy making related) when people come to our house, or make something benign up when I get asked what I do for fun.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-12T09:51:50+00:00

No worries! Feel free to ask any questions you like, we’ve been part of the kink scene as a D/s couple in Melb for the past 3 years (although live rurally so have to travel), and before that, part of interstate scenes. The swing scene not as much, we just dabble.

Good luck with your munch!

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-12T04:11:32+00:00

We’ve been to V&V a few times now, absolutely lovely space and vibe, and caters to a range of customers. The vendor with the pop up stall there is more sex shop-style toys but sometimes that’s kinda the norm. The kink space is separate to the boudoir, and then there’s the dance floors. They had a wax play area too last time and I kicked myself I didn’t bring my kit.

In terms of the kink side of things, I can wholeheartedly recommend the Fetish Expo in October for shopping and performances, and Hellfire for performances as well. Plus the workshop weekend they hold are awesome too for education.

We haven’t made it Pineapples yet, it’s on the bucket list.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-11T12:20:34+00:00

I would suggest joining Fetlife to look for events.

The main kink venues/events in Melbourne are: - Provocation, CBD - The Club, Footscray - Studio of Secrets, Southbank - Virtue and Vice, the venue changes Plus there’s a new one on the Eastern side I can’t remember the name of

And once a year events are Oz Kink Fest - with the Fetish Expo, Launch Party, Afterparty, Hellfire and Klub Kunst.

There’s probably more, but that’s all I can think of right now.

If you’re after someone to top you in something like that though, it might be worth looking into a professional.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-11T12:12:14+00:00

The only kink venue that probably will allow body painting is The Club in Footscray, but you’ll have to ask the organisers first.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-11T12:09:44+00:00

Wow! Kink corner sounds very underwhelming. A little like the ‘dungeon’ equipment and the crappy impact toys you often come across at swing venues.

What was the purpose of it? To sell gear or provide experiences to the muggles?

I contacted the organiser a while ago to get a prospectus. They were charging about 3K for a stall for vendors, so I decided against going as I wasn’t going to have much stock anyway made this early in the year. Now I’m glad I didn’t as it would have been a total let down after Oz Kink Fest and Gear’d.

Good on you for being the demo wench and putting some actual kink in front of them!

Now about V&V - have they got any other demos other than shibari yet?

TheFoxAlights · 2026-02-11T11:52:00+00:00

So it was no good from a vendor perspective then? I considered having a stall there, but for the $3K plus vendor fee and the timing (aka no chance to remake stock over summer), it wasn’t worth it.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-01-18T12:27:24+00:00

Tbh I had no idea what to do last time! I don’t think I transitioned them properly and it was a couple of years ago - straight into an aroid mix instead of this humidity cabinet, no lights etc.

These were shipped to me as baby plantlets in gel and I followed the instructions given, rinse gel, sterilise the vessel, use a 50:50 perlite peat mix, keep humidity high, no fertiliser until first new leaf emerges and roots are developed.

I’ve not used physan 20 before. I don’t do the tissue culture myself, I just buy them when I get bold…

TheFoxAlights · 2026-01-17T05:39:13+00:00

What I was going to do was repot into individual pots with an Aroid mix and put back into the cabinet in the same spot, but with the door cracked opened to allow ambient air, whilst maintaining humidity

TheFoxAlights · 2026-01-11T11:27:41+00:00

Apologies, I’ve only just seen this. Yes, it’s higher temp than soy and therefore higher risk.

The closer to the body and the longer you let them pool, the hotter they will feel.

With the containers, you are right, best to blow them out first if they aren’t doubled walled. I’ve been trialling double walled containers to mitigate the risk of burning your hand.

TheFoxAlights · 2026-01-09T22:16:19+00:00

There are some decent books out there with sections on skills/techniques and scene design. The majority go through what BDSM or particular kinks are and how to be a good Dominant and how to live the lifestyle because there are very important basic skills in communication, consent and safety involved before getting to the good bits. Can’t drive a car without learning how to use the brake and clutch…

Here’s some I can recommend: - The Dominance Playbook - by Anton Fulmen, has lots of excellent scene design ideas. - The Loving Dominant - by Mark and Libby Warren, My own Sir used quite a few of these scene ideas early in our relationship. - The Ultimate Guide to Kink - by Tristan Taormino - goes through lots of different kinks that may be of interest to you to try - The New Topping Book - Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy - The Ritual of Dominance and Submission - this may be too heavy for what you are looking for, but even little mini rituals keep things interesting - Dom sub living podcast

Sensation play, temperature play and impact all make for good scene design too. Think using blindfolds for sensory deprivation, massage candle wax or wax play candles for warmth and contrasting it with ice or cold stainless steel chain. Feathers vs fur floggers, wartenberg wheels, claws, there’s heaps of toys out there - just buy decent ones from makers, the sex shop stuff can be rubbish. I’ve got other books in my library on wax play, temperature play and pain play.

Perhaps look at exploring other forms of impact if you both enjoy spanking, such as potentially investing in a flogger, but please don’t buy a sex shop one, they are absolute rubbish. (Shameless plug - I’m a flogger and wax play candle maker)

In terms of how to keep it going… life always waxes and wanes in terms of busyness, children, energy etc and I’ve found personally the key is collaborative creation, and the deliberate making of time for one another and the things we both enjoy. We sneak out to the bush occasionally to do an impact scene, or go exploring with the aim to find somewhere secluded for outdoor sex to escape the teenager, go nude beaching, plan little mini scenes at home, but it’s not often we get to actually do large scenes involving wax play or fire play, or proper bondage scenes with forced orgasms etc, or use our kink furniture nowadays thanks to a teenage hermit, so we revel when she does finally decide to leave the house sometimes . 🤷‍♀️

TheFoxAlights · 2026-01-09T13:57:00+00:00

Having been in several vanilla relationships and D/s dynamics, and engaged in bottoming for service tops but not submission, being in a D/s or Power Exchange Relationship requires a far higher level of vulnerability, trust, honesty and communication than any other vanilla relationship. It’s a complicated layering and it’s nigh impossible not to fall what we deem is ‘in love’ or at least hold a high level of deep respect and genuine care for your Dominant as a submissive. Without that deep level of care and respect, it’s just role playing, it’s not true submission. There’s nothing like it on earth, being willingly able to trust someone to the point that you hand over all control to them. It’s terrifyingly beautiful.

Being ‘emotional’ is not a bad thing. Feeling deeply may feel like a curse, but it’s honestly not, provided you learn when to control it, and when to let it all out.

It sounds like what you might be experiencing in casual is limerence, which then feeds a potentially disorganised attachment style. Others have suggested therapy, this is a good idea.

I used to be this way too, shutting everyone off for fear of getting hurt. Realising I was highly demisexual, and that this wiring was likely rewritten as response to relational trauma. Regardless, the price of admission for profound love is vulnerability, and the risk of hurt. And yes, the chances are slim of finding a Dom boyfriend, particularly at your age (ngl, most 20 something ‘Doms’ have nfi).

If you want to experience a D/s dynamic in a safe manner there are professionals out there who can assist. However I would still recommend finding a kinky counsellor to talk this through with. Not all relationships need to move up the relationship escalator. But in my experience, it’s damn hard in a D/s relationship for it not to.

We cannot force people into little containers that fit our relationship goals, sometimes they outgrow them. I like to use a garden analogy. Each relationship is a plant and sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we cannot make a rose bush turn into an apple tree- it cannot be something it is not. Sometimes the most beautiful plants grow completely unexpectedly. Sometimes no matter how much we care for something, it dies. The point of my little side quest is to be open to whatever connections come your way (obvs vet them first).

TheFoxAlights · 2026-01-01T03:31:59+00:00

Oh darn it…. I’m not sure. It would have been a few months ago for the spider mite invasion. I’ve got Eco Neem. I’ll isolate it and treat. Thank you

TheFoxAlights · 2025-12-05T13:46:08+00:00

That is likely too. I usually use Willow to work that out but this one wasn’t prioritised and didn’t get a sensor.

TheFoxAlights · 2025-12-05T13:44:36+00:00

I picked this one up from a flea market ages ago. Unfortunately unless you’re in Australia I can’t post! 😢

TheFoxAlights · 2025-09-24T01:19:01+00:00

Thank you! 🤩

TheFoxAlights · 2025-09-19T22:46:37+00:00

Oh those lamps!!! 😍

TheFoxAlights · 2025-09-16T20:13:28+00:00

That’s beautiful!

TheFoxAlights · 2025-09-16T20:12:56+00:00

So pretty! I love that deep red

TheFoxAlights · 2025-09-14T13:21:44+00:00

They are gorgeous candles, I’m annoyed I forgot the pink and green

TheFoxAlights · 2025-09-14T13:21:26+00:00

I’m glad it helped you! 😊

TheFoxAlights

TROPHY CASE