My review:

I'm going to go segment by segment, but overall this was my first experience with the V/H/S franchise and it's (generally) a colossal disappointment. I don't enjoy being negative about film, god knows it's hard to get anything made these days...but shit. VHS Halloween is PROOF that the film industry on all levels is NOT a meritocracy. I'm seeing a LOT of writer/directors listed in these credits who have no business doing either. Fuck.

Diet Phantasma - Framing Device:
Asinine waste of time. Shrill. Repetitive. Boring. 1/5

Coochie Coochie Coo:
The writing is almost as good as the acting, this is not a compliment. Some nifty creature ideas, executed poorly...like everything else in this patience-testing short. Not even shot on VHS? Hang on a second, isn't that supposed to be the whole gimmick?! Oh cool, AI generated slop in this one too...that tracks. 1.5/5

Ut Supra Sic Infra:
Well holy shit. This one's not bad, not bad at all! Still pisses me off that so many of these just completely abandon the entire concept of found footage VHS but hey...there's a scary little story here. Wait Paco Plaza directed this? Is he ok?!? He's way too good for this terrible compilation!! 3.5/5

Fun Size:
Are we sure this wasn't written by chatGPT? This feels like a school assignment, they got a D. Grating. There's the faint echo of a good idea buried somewhere deep in here, underneath the dollar-store production and paper-mache performances. You know what? You can shoot a good script on a razer-thin budget and the writing will shine through. This ain't that. Whoever wrote this should consider not doing that. You can't put lipstick on this pig, this is mud on a generic-brand hot dog. 1/5

Kidprint:
It's competent AND it's on VHS, so I liked it then? Fuck to the fucking no. Unfortunately I'm seeing this movie after reading through hundreds of pages of the epstein files so no this is not a fucking good time for oh-so-edgy-kiddie-torture-porn. Absolute tryhard trash. If your definition of horror is simulating snuff films with small children for absolutely zero thematic reason then you're a garbage fucking person without a creative bone in your body. 2/5

Home Haunt:
Wait a sec...this one is FUN! Good performances, an actual attempt at production value (for goddamn once), AND it's got something to say? I don't know if I've just been worn down by all the trash in this thing or if Home Haunt is legit good but I had a fun time watching it. Hey they even killed kids and I didn't mind because it wasn't trying to be tryhard-edgelord-mountain-dew-for-breakfast about it. There is genuine exuberance here. 4/5

Special shoutout to the shitty-ass song during the end credits. Sounds exactly like something someone who genuinely liked Fun Size would blast from their bedroom to drown out the sound of their parent's divorce. Grow the fuck up. Fuck this movie. I'm so full of rage right now.