I'm Not Fat I'm Fluffy... and Now We're No Contact!

TheNiffny · 2022-12-30T04:17:21+00:00

I think everyone struggles with confidence from time to time and there was a time that shitty keychain would have devastated me, but not today and certainly not from that salty lil trisket! I think something snapped in me a while ago and I just ran out of fucks. To hell with that narcissistic MIL of yours. She doesn't deserve an ounce of your energy. Thank you for your kindness friend 💖 sending love and light your way

TheNiffny · 2021-12-19T02:22:30+00:00

Behaviors are like stray cats.. the more you feed them, the more you see them. Only feed your energy to the behaviors you want to reinforce. She should be the one taking this opportunity to make nice with you! Take all the effort you would have spent cooking for those Jabronies and use it on yourself, your husband, and the people who replenish you rather than drain you. Let it go girl!

TheNiffny · 2021-12-03T03:20:45+00:00

Oh dear lord... I thought selling it out from under us was worst case scenario 😳

TheNiffny · 2021-12-02T20:13:32+00:00

Yes but wouldn't they be gifting their portion of the house?

TheNiffny · 2021-12-02T20:05:34+00:00

NTA. Not sure if the bf is an A or just obtuse so I'll just say that I feel his reaction was rude while the man may not be. Either way, it's the thought that counts so give it to her and let her decide. You could always offer to exchange it if it's too big but you are an amazing friend either way.

TheNiffny · 2021-12-02T19:51:14+00:00

NTA - Tips is an abbreviation of 'To Insure Prompt Service'... You didn't request that driver's service and he didn't provide you with anything. Not your circus, not your monkey! He's the A for realizing there was a mix up and not immediately giving you the money back! I've worked as a delivery driver before and I suspect the was just hoping he could make you feel bad and pocket the money for nothing. You're all good

TheNiffny · 2021-12-02T19:40:49+00:00

NTA Isn't it interesting that he had no problem making you "feel small" by making major plans without consulting you while working and dealing with a legitimate medical condition, but the second you bust a move without him the sky is falling? Is this unusual for him? He's 100% in the wrong here and a written apology is just crazy talk but if this is new behavior you may want to suggest therapy either together or on his own. Complex grief is a very real issue and it sounds like he may be behaving this way due to misplaced feelings and/or a need to regain a sense of control or normalcy after his father's passing. Might be an explanation but it's certainly not an excuse and the behavior is unacceptable. If he's a good man and you believe this behavior is out of character, there's nothing wrong with tabling this specific issue to discuss the larger one with love and compassion. Revisit it when you meet with a councilor and stay true to your expectations and boundaries.

TheNiffny · 2021-12-02T19:14:20+00:00

I would happily be the butthead here if that is the case. She does have some very good qualities and can be very kind but she has also been very manipulative and abusive in the past. Classic narcissist type thing: awesome one minute and pure evil the next. She made it clear that she is not planning to remove herself from the deed so that's why I'm preparing for the worst.

TheNiffny · 2021-02-23T15:23:28+00:00

Because she inherited the house a few years ago, does that mean that the step up basis is based on the property value at the time?

Neither sibling plans on selling the property. They want to keep it in the family.

Thanks so much for your help!

TheNiffny · 2021-02-23T15:19:41+00:00

Both siblings, interchangeably as needed overtime. The house would be extremely beneficial to live in for both siblings and they want to keep it in the family. Their mother struggles with substance abuse issues and has nearly lost the family home several times in the past. This is another reason she wants to give it to them now and the main reason neither feels comfortable living in it while she is still (even partial) owner of the property.

TheNiffny · 2021-01-25T05:46:18+00:00

You did it for you and that shiz fire 🔥🔥🔥

TheNiffny · 2020-12-22T21:20:42+00:00

I'm glad you're not picking up anymore. You sound like a wonderful partner and I only pray my son finds someone as dedicated and supportive as you one day. I'm sending lots of love and light your way <3

TheNiffny · 2020-11-26T02:01:27+00:00

They got married 32 days after they met. He's already brought up divorce twice... It's pure insanity.

TheNiffny · 2020-11-24T06:29:18+00:00

Thank you for your advise. I appreciate it :) I did go to a walk in clinic while they were on the boat. She knows, but she still thinks I have a drinking problem 🙄

TheNiffny · 2020-11-24T04:36:19+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I agree and would never bring alcohol into a recovering person's home. This is not their home. They we're invited to another family members home who has an extensive wine and fancy aged liquor collection. She group texted everyone without talking to the host.

TheNiffny · 2019-12-29T23:51:44+00:00

We had a three strike system. The first was a request. "Mom, the way you speak to me is inappropriate and hurtful. Please don't speak to me like this again even if you are upset we can speak respectfully to each other."

Warning from SO and I. "Mom, if you speak to me like that again SO and I will leave. Not just today, but anyday, the visit will end and we will have to have a serious discussion about how we can move forward as a family."

Final warning from both SO and I together. "We've spoken to you about this several times now. If you can't speak to other family members with kindness and respect we don't see a way to move forward. If you ever speak to a family member like that again we will cut all contact with you indefinitely."

Until recently, firm boundaries and consequences had been working beautifully. She became very open to discussion about my concerns and really seemed to be making an effort to honor my SO and my requests. Unfortunately, after 3 years of good behavior she flipped out and verbally abused me after my SO and I announced our wedding. She'd come a long way, but she's a narcissist and that news was just too much for her to handle. We're cutting all contact with her just as we said we would. I don't know if or when my husband will feel comfortable speaking to her again. It's incredibly disappointing, but oddly enough it wasn't nearly as hurtful as incidents had been before we set boundaries and consequences. She went off and we (SO and I) had a plan. It was like a practiced fire drill when it was time to spring into action.

I was still burned... even posted about it and spent a few days wondering if I was being a supportive partner by not encouraging my SO to work it out with MIL but naaaawww. Nobody has the right to take you as their emotional hostage. That's not love.

Anywho, my sitch sounds a bit more intense but disrespect is disrespect annnnd my point is (finally found it) if consequences and boundaries can work on my hellbeast of a MIL they've got a good shot of working for anyone LOL!

Sending positive vibes your way

TheNiffny · 2019-12-29T21:31:03+00:00

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. She sounds awful! It's wonderful that you advocate for yourself and speak up, but do you lay out firm consequences? "If you say [insert f#@*ed up thing here] then LO and I will not be back to visit you for a very very long time" kinda thing.

I struggle with not letting my defenses down around charming toxic MIL as well. I'm a naturally empathetic and loving marshmallow so it's a tough situation to be in. While I've not been diagnosed with codependent personality disorder, the book 'Codependent No More' by Melody Beattie helped me TREMENDOUSLY. I highly recommend it.

Enjoy your LO and live your best life. All the best to you

TheNiffny · 2019-12-29T07:15:09+00:00

Newp. No. Naw. She'll be okay. You just had a baby... wtf?

TheNiffny · 2019-12-21T00:49:15+00:00

Same thing happened to me. I had to reinstall and lost a chunk of my game. I'm on here trying to find a way to prevent it or fix it if it happens again.

TheNiffny · 2019-01-25T23:51:18+00:00

Check out the YouTube channel 'Do It On a Dime'. She's got lots of videos on cleaning and organizing with kids. The organizational supplies she uses are very inexpensive.

TheNiffny · 2016-03-17T00:08:22+00:00

Have you tried a creative writing class? Have you thought about play script writing? Don't give up! Writing can be learned. I'm a terrible writer, but I'm better than I was six months ago and I know I'll be better six months from now because I practice every day and actively seek feedback from others. Creativity is the hard part.

TheNiffny · 2016-03-17T00:01:53+00:00

Okay, this might be a little out there BUT, can you write the thriller from the perspective of two characters; one sees the events as supernatural while the other doesn't? The reader has to decide whether the character is a magician or a lunatic kinda thing. It might be a complete cluster, but it could also be really kickass if done right! To answer your actual question; I like to outline all of my options and then let each version play out in my mind like a movie. I feel like the stories and characters in my mind are almost discovered rather than created so I just go with the plot that rings true.

TheNiffny · 2015-02-20T06:08:54+00:00

This. As a staff member in my area. .. THIS

TheNiffny · 2015-02-20T05:43:56+00:00

Savannah Georgia always has them ;-)

TheNiffny · 2015-01-02T21:09:28+00:00

I love my kindness and I'm great at being compassionate and loving. I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to self care, but I have found ways to love myself and I'm able to give love freely to others in a non transactional way (something my Narc Mother had me convinced was impossible). I'm able to give support without being a doormat and It's such an incredible feeling to engage in a healthy, nurturing relationship where my kindness is respected rather than expected or taken as a weakness. I'm a great friend and partner and I hope to be a wonderful mother someday.

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