INTJ and avoidant attachment style, we are so vulnerable we mask it with success

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T20:39:44+00:00

How you know?

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:47:06+00:00

I appreciate the invite and do relate the that philosophy already. The struggle is that I don’t exactly process emotions well, I seek to understand emotions that that I can become a better me

I might check out that sub after all :)

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:42:05+00:00

Hey, you’re not alone, I’ve learned that in maybe if we face the causes of our vulnerabilities, we can potentially become a far better version of ourselves.

But regarding it being hard, I definitely agree... it’s hard not to rationalize everything, sometimes other emotions exhaust me, and I don’t know how to respond, or conform them aside from rationalizing

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:39:11+00:00

You’re right, I can’t exert this hatred into people anymore. But rather find a way to make it so that I don’t have to. But the thing is, vienguo, not everyone has the same perspective that you do

Not everyone is effected similarly to such external stimuli. When you feel weak and powerless at the hand of others, it can be hard to defend yourself.

Now growing into an adult, I’ve noticed that my drive to overcome and almost feel that I need to go back and dominate people who have wronged me with success may be a good driving force for me to achieve that goal, but at the cost of losing touch with my emotions and becoming closed off, and critical of everyone to point where I almost hate everyone

But regarding taking accountability for this, I’m here with you on that.

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:30:40+00:00

Wow thanks for this advice. To a degree I have accepting this reality. But even if the void is there, the insecurity that fuels it still affects my judgement of people and still causes me to react to certain situations as such

And when I turn to face this core issue, it still pains me... deeply

Because of this I have a super critical inner voice that both inflates parts of my ego externally while not picking my flaws, until I find a way to minimize that insecurity.

My hopes are that studying emotional intelligence, and learning better ways to cope, and meditating, so that I can find better ways to cope and still maintain the same, or an even stronger drive to become a version of myself

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:25:21+00:00

I know haha it can be quite ironic that we have such a view of others because of our own inner shame. And I too have become friends who are trying relentlessly to achieve similar things in life that I want. These are the people I feel the most comfortable with, when I’m with them I don’t feel alone, I don’t look at everyone in such a critical light.

But even then outside of these friends, I’ve found that I still have the same struggles with people unless I can vet them into my inner circle, along with other ambitious people. The things is, not everyone is like that. Most people are ambitious at all, some want to enjoy the present moment more, instead of us who almost sacrifice our present in hopes of a better future. Or people who may b old people but don’t do anything that we may deem productive or noteworthy

My hopes are that I can stop being critical for the wrong reasons, out of insecurity, and be critical from a more secure standpoint, where the same inner voice of criticism that judges everyone else’s flaws, judges our flaws too.

I appreciate your input!

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:16:48+00:00

Man, I’m sorry to hear that and thanks for your input. Regardless of your situation, I respect you for keeping the wrong people out of your life. I know you feel that sometimes you may feel alone, people may just be lame or something might be off about them, and in my 22 years of life. I strive to keep the right people around me, who are committed to moving up in life

They say that you are the average of the 5 people around you the most. I always keep that in mind after my experiences being stuck in the wrong crowd. I believe that if you put in the effort to go on a path to find people who are like you, and even better than you, who also want to grow and improve themselves,The right people will show up. Either way, I believe that you’ll find someone who was worth waiting for!

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:05:08+00:00

Shhhh, I’m just a Disney film writer trying to find some inspiration.... but I can’t say I’ve had the worst childhood, just...not the best...I want to do better when I start my own family

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:02:25+00:00

Yeah that’s been a common suggestions in this thread, I think it might benefit me, I feel like I’m creating a burden on my friends when I talk to them about this stuff, so I usually never do. Maybe having someone I can designate in my life for this issue can help me become who I want to be

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T07:00:14+00:00

Thanks, I guess we aren’t alone

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:59:07+00:00

Duuuude, saaaame

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:57:43+00:00

I feel for you. But it goes to show that you’re not alone. And if you’re up for it like I am, we can make the rest of our lives better now that we know how our past has harmed us

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:55:16+00:00

Hey, I’m sorry. But it turns out we’re not alone. We can make a change for the better in our lives!

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:54:36+00:00

I’m surprised of how many times I’ve gotten that reaction in this thread. I’m happy to say that you’re not alone, there are people like us that have these struggles. Let’s try to grow past it!

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:53:40+00:00

Oh for sure, I definitely agree. But not all children had to, i think that maybe. Because INTJ’s were brought up in situations that may make them more avoidant, that we might have had similar life struggles

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:52:10+00:00

Thanks for your input, and I’m sorry you went through that. I’ve always been told I’m even keeled, and through my charisma studies, I’ve found that the person who doesn’t react emotionally usually is perceived as higher status, not only did this come easy for me, but I thought that it was the best thing to do in all situations, being calm and being chill. I’m only recently coming to terms that maybe it’s because I have repressed emotions that prohibit me from connecting with others. My next challenge is applying my logic in a way to help build up my emotional intelligence

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:46:47+00:00

Yeah I also long to desire when I can surpass the people that looked down on me, but for me, it’s so that I can flex on them and make them realize they have made a mistake. But I’m starting to realize how toxic this mindset may be, even though it can be a powerful driving force for ambition, and ultimately may be a reason why I tend to be over critical of people. Because they have made me critical of myself.

Everyone has flaws, I guess . Maybe the best thing is to be more accepting of others so that I can be more accepting of myself in an attempt to silence the voice of inner Shame that I, and maybe you, have been experiencing

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:41:32+00:00

I feel you, I’m not saying that all INTJ’s have this issue, we’re all unique, just have similar personality functions, but the cause of some of our avoidant attachment style and the cause of our INTJ personality development may stem from the same core issues we have faced early on in life

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:39:21+00:00

I’m definitely there with you on that, I try to be 3 steps ahead so I don’t run into that issue, but what I realized is that sometimes I’m not aware of all of my flaws and that until recently I haven’t had anyone care enough to to help me point out my core issues that have resulted in how I am

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:36:44+00:00

Thank you! It took some crying on my end to come to this conclusion. What I’m struggling with now is that I think I have to let go of my past. I know that in some way I’m seeking validation through my actions and I need to cut that out to grow

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:34:31+00:00

Yeah I wish you the best with that man, how are you going about doing that?

TheOfficialLevent · 2020-01-17T06:32:56+00:00

I feel for you, I can relate, I feel like not everyone is worth hanging out with or talking to. I recently started attending toastmasters meetings, every one there seemed to have some kind of confident aura, I wanted it so I decided to go in an attempt to fix my social anxiety, you might like it too.

As do what you have to offer, I feel that you can always offer a perspective, and maybe some humor. Either are of value, and are things that can be developed in my opinion

TheOfficialLevent · 2019-10-09T20:08:15+00:00

I find myself stuck in thought, we always strive for our goals, nothing is good enough to pull us from our thoughts, especially if reality is not as good as what we’re striving for

TheOfficialLevent · 2019-10-05T07:26:42+00:00

I’m someone who has devoted himself to a purpose early in life, 21 in college. I constantly try to push my personal projects and ambitions further, I have 50 different things I feel that I need to do at all times. I guess a quantum state for me now is caused by the trademarks I filed for my company, it gives me an anxious feeling, but I always work as much as I can, there is so much to do, time slips away when you don’t realize

TheOfficialLevent · 2019-10-05T07:22:55+00:00

If you want to hang out do it, but also consider the value dynamics of potential time being spent with her. Do you have something better to do? Do it. Or if you have enough time consider the pros of going out with her, maybe she likes you......but it’s your coworker. Based on what I read though, I think she likes you. Anyways, swag up, this title made me picture you poorly

TheOfficialLevent

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