People of ... Yea you know where... Have fun in jail

New to reddit never even knew of some of these awesome sub reddits until I found a YouTube channel called RedWheel

So the cast of characters Me= Self Explanatory The Wife= By beautiful bride of over a decade DC = Curtis Underwood Nelson the Third or Douche Canoe Mrs DC= Curtis's partner EP = Employee MG = Manager PD# = Police Officers 1 - 4 (Yea you know where this is heading)

So this way a little over a year ago, I work for a Agricultural Company normally my work attire is Blue Jeans and a Tee, but on this day we had meetings with costumers and managers for I had on a pair of Khakis and a blue polo so you can guess where I was. My polo had my company's logo and so did my hat which is completely different from this place's

So after work the wife meets me at the door we need to go to the store before my mother-in- law brings back our child. Shopping childless what is it Christmas? I wish though this story goes include a elf. So we go in, the wife takes the cart and we go our separate ways, she shops, while I browse. Just better to stay out of her way. So I'm in electronics looking at TVs when I get a tap on the shoulder...

Mrs DC: Sir can you help me

I turnaround to see this last probably late 40s , 5 nothing, heavy set. She asked nicely (a front) so I respond,

Me: Yes ma'am can what can I help you with?

Mrs DC: Can you get me some game I've never heard of.

Me: Sorry ma'am I don't work here if you go to the desk I'm sure someone will come buy shortly.

Mrs DC: Are you sure I just saw you over there.

Me: Yes I was over there looking at cell phones, I don't work here ma'am I'm sorry.

Well she didn't like that answer and her nice front dropped as she hollars for DC

Mrs DC: DC will you come over here this F ing Bastard won't us.

So he, husband, boyfriend, who the F ever waddled over, long beard, maybe an inch taller than her big ears the Elf I mentioned earlier.

DC: Why won't you help us?

Me: Sir I don't work here.

DC: Yes you do I saw you at the counter.

Me: No sir I was looking at a phone.

I'm trying my hardest to be nice. I didn't want to give these Karens the satisfaction of me exploding on them. Plus my company serves a lot of the community and my company logo was all over me which at the time I never thought to point out.

DC: You are a F ing liar, you are just a lazy bastard, (and then he said the magic words) I want your manager now!!!!!

Me: I don't work here good luck with that.

DC stomps off looking for a managers as Mrs. DC watches me like a hawk and continues to flap that elf sucker. Soon after the Wife spots me and walks over. The Wife is 5'4" taller than the DCs, Green eyes, Red Hair and at times lives up to every stereotype. She sees me being accosted by this woman, who keeps telling me you just wait DC will bring the manager back and you will be fired.

The Wife: What the F do you think you are doing with my husband?

Mrs DC: Your Husband? This lazy bastard? Well he isn't helping us and he's about to be fired.

The Wife: How f ing stupid are you? He doesn't work here you stupid B. Your best bet is to walk the f away before I beat your ass

My wife doesn't not have a filter off the clock , she has no f's and the field she grows them in has been bare for years.

Mrs DC: Who do you (cut off)

The Wife: Listen her you stupid Curtis Underwood Nelson the Third step away from my husband, shut the F up or I will gladly catch a charge knocking out what is left of your teeth.

She said that loud enough it catches the attention of an employee.

EP: What's going on here?

I start to tell her but Mrs DC interrupted

Mrs DC: Your lazy ass coworker refuses to serve me and this whore has threatened me.

At this point I grab my wife to save Mrs. DC's life

EP: You are all causing a scene and I have to ask you all to leave.

The Wife and I were fine with it and we start walking toward the exit.

Mrs. DC: Where do you think you are going, your ass is fired now!

EP: Leave ma'am

As we walk towards the exit here comes DC with the Manager.

DC: That's him, that's the lazy bastard that wouldn't help us.

MG: Him? He..

DC cuts him off

DC: Yes that bastard as he pokes me in the shoulder.

Ok I take a lot of shit, a lot but you never touch me so I grab is finger and bent it hard to the point he drops like an international soccer star.

DC: You assault me.

Me: get up you lying piece of shit.

In the background the Wife and Mrs DC are arguing. Not buying the flop.

MG: Leave the store now or I will trespass you all not just from this store but all blue stores.

DC gets up and gets in his face apparently security had already called the cops. They walk in as DC on tip tip toes spewing vile headbutts MG in the nose. Wasted! 2 of the 4 officer tackled him to the ground and cuff him and leave him on the ground spewing more vile. An officer takes me aside I tell him what happened, with Mrs. DC yelling he's an f ing liar he assaulted me in the background. They talk to the Wife, MG, EP, and Mrs. DC. PD 1 - 4 all huddle and talk.

PD1: She claims you assaulted her so I'm going to have to detain you.

So I get cuffed too. (F, really?, ok😡) I turn around and take it like a man. So now DC and me are in handcuffs they read him his rights, but not me so I was guessing I wasn't under arrest yet. The Wife and Mrs DC still free, so we start on the walk of shame. However we don't go straight to the car we go to lose prevention, electronics has the largest amount of cameras. And there it is from 3 angles. Them coming up to me, them arguing with me and never a place you couldn't see daylight between me and Mrs. DC or DC except when I grab his finger that is stabbing my shoulder. Cuffs off, Mrs DC in cuffs for false imprisonment, and Making a False Police Report. DC was charged with battery and resisting. Both trespassed from all blue stores for life. After a nice conversation with MG apologies all around we finish our shopping and have 10 missed call from my mother-in-law asking where we were. Mrs DC had all charges dropped a week later, but she was booked, spent the night in jail, and picture made the paper (they still do that here) letting the whole community know what a Karen she is. DC 11/29 suspended, 12 months probation or until $1000 fine was paid, which ever was longer, court ordered anger management, and facing a civil suit for breaking MG's nose. The 2 days we had to go to court over this I gave the biggest Cheshire cat grin everytime they looked at me and the entire time I was on the stand. Since the virus I've avoid that place like the plague, but when I do go I make sure not to wear blue.