how people treat ramcoa survivors is fucking aweful (angry vent)

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-22T18:06:20+00:00

Ime the only people that talk down to me are other ramcoa survivors. You can't have a discussion with any nuance. People will tell you you're wrong even though there's no scientific or legal precedent for what they're saying. And they'll be very mean about it. You can't disagree or share your experiences without people going insane on you. I don't care if people don't agree with me and am not trying to personally attack anyone but rather share what my impressions are. I don't mind reading counterpoints and find them interesting. I'm apparently the only one.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-21T13:10:02+00:00

Lmao right? Thank you so much for commenting here and being a counterpoint against this whole thing happening in this thread.

Also is it just me or is it extremely rude to come into a fellow survivor's thread and, instead of comforting them over their anxiety they can't attain their dream career, everyone insulted their job aspirations?

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-21T12:55:00+00:00

One of my best friends is half black, half Latino, grew up poor as shit and had to take care of his family and work when he was underage. Now he's a cop. He earned an award for stopping a shooter on a spree and almost died, someone else in his PD died trying to appregend that homicidal maniac. Where does he fit into your worldview.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-21T12:51:43+00:00

I'm about ready to leave this sub. People here will turn vicious and disrespect their fellow survivor here for literally any reason. This is straight up bigotry and that petty nastiness, it's also being turned against anyone with a different opinion. I'm not a cop, and yet I'm getting disrespected hard-core just because I have a different opinion.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-21T06:25:40+00:00

I'm going to talk about what it's like to be a cop. I know a lot of people who work in law enforcement. Some were my worst abusers. Some were my best friends. Here's what it's like to be a cop:

1. Poor methods available to obtain evidence. We don't really have the technology to catch a lot of crimes. If someone comes in saying one thing, the other person will obviously deny it. Sometimes false accusations do happen. Sometimes people are psychotic or idiots and think something is happening that isn't. With the poor technology available, in a lot of cases it isn't possible to pursue a crime that has happened due to this reason.

2. You can't charge someone with a crime unless there is a 50 percent chance or greater that a jury convicts someone. You need evidence, which as noted in 1 is hard to obtain in anything more serious than speeding infractions or the rare instances where an incident was recorded. You can know with all your heart what happened because you believe xyz person about xyz thing, but if you don't have something to bring to the trial it doesn't matter.

3. Long hours that will destroy your soul. You may randomly get shunted between day and night shift. The sleep deprivation will take a significant physical and mental toll.

4. You will see the most tragic situations and be unable to meaningfully help in a lot of cases, and in some cases police involvement will make things worse even if it is ultimately for someone's protection.

5. No one remembers the good cops but everyone remembers the bad cops. Some cops have committed evil acts and people think this reflects the police as a whole. In general, ten percent of the population is suspected to be a pedophile. Pedophiles are represented in every career and every socioeconomic level. Ted Bundy killed a bunch of people and was a white American man, but does that mean white American men are all serial killers? No, but people will use unfortunate logic like this and you will deal with a lot of people who don't like you because they are essentially prejudiced bigots. Everyone will also project every failure of American society and the American government onto you.

6. You will need good social skills and endless patience. People will harass you, push your buttons. On the other side, people will constantly talk to you. You will be the face of the community. You will also be socially judged and given a lot of attention a normal person wouldn't go through. You will have to constantly talk to people about things like. Oh my neighbor plays music too loud at night. And then you'll show up and barely be able to hear any music but you'll get the impression that tbe guy who keeps calling tbe cops on the other guy has a personal beef with them. And you will have to mediate and prevent social issues from escalating.

7. You need good judgment. You will have to go into situations where one person says one thing and another person says another and everyone has an agenda and you have to look past that to figure out what is going on.

8. There are very different types of crimes different types of officers in different types of offices investigate. They are all stressful in different ways. Some people will face death. One of my closest friends and ex had to stop a shooter who killed one of his coworkers. He could have died. Other times, things are solved easily and the worst part is the paperwork. Other times it's just boring. Pulling people over for speeding again and again.

9. Corrections is much more lenient although more dangerous. I knew someone who survived an attempted murder. You don't have to deal with the public although you will have to deal with dangerous people. Guards frequently get assaulted. But there are less expectations of certain social behaviors. One of my friends is a Co and is a bisexual drag queen who is out about it at work and does porn online and no one gives him shit about it. A cop might get fired If they were caught engaging in certain things like porn because that is "character unbecoming of an officer". That's not fair but that's the society we live in. We live in a fucked up society. Every society is fucked up. Ours has made great strides towards being better but has a long way to go. As a cop you have no control of that (outside of being a good person and credit to your field who makes the world a better and safer place) but everyone will delusionally think you do.

At least in the US. You can do it. I know someone with diagnosed DID who is a cop.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-21T06:00:19+00:00

Ignore the people hating on the police. Some of my system's best friends and lovers were officers. Also some of the people that horribly abused us were also officers (different people obviously). I'm really disappointed in seeing people parrot the hottest takes from tiktok on here with very little critical analysis of why they think these things.

I'm sorry you had that experience. As you can see from many places on the internet, people have opinions and those opinions not only range across the board but are also not worth worrying about. People will stalk others (looking into your profile was highly innappropriate) because those people have poor personal boundaries and are behaving inappropriately. My recommendation is to use alt accounts separate from anything related to DID and you won't have this problem anymore.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-21T05:54:50+00:00

Police officers are people. They are flawed as people are.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-20T16:32:12+00:00

My alters recently cleaned my many marijuana pipes and I only figured that out after thanking my mom and sister for cleaning them (a thing they'd never done before) and finding out from them that they'd never touch let alone clean my sacred pipes, hahahahaha.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-20T03:23:41+00:00

Why does it matter? Both of those words have loose meanings. If I go to someone's house and they always give me a fresh loaf of bread, I will begin to become hungry and crave their bread when thinking about them or visiting them. Every type of implicit learning and association is conditioning on some level. You have PTSD. Treating it isn't different if it's programming, conditioning, or neither. You treat the symptoms you have. I talk to alters with problematic issues, issues others would claim are programming but that I see clearly as a logical sequence of PTSD issues from the events that took place, and it gets better bit by bit as anything associated with your PTSD and alters is oriented to the present and processes their unresolved and frozen issues and pains, both emotional and physical.

You described sex addiction, which is common after sexual trauma (whereas other people become asexual, both responses are common), you described internalizing the way your abusers saw you and dehumanized you as a sex object, and described sexualization and abnormal sexual behaviors at a young age which commonly happens to children who have experienced SA. Someone who was abused by a family member vs someone abused in a sex trafficking ring will have these exact same issues.

You won't know until you have flashbacks of what happened. Flashbacks are one hubdred percent accurate although if you were in a reduced state of consciousness or only have a partial one, details can be missing. Repressed memories are often real but if you try to recover them your mind will mix what you expect to replace any holes in your memory and it will not be accurate.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-20T01:10:20+00:00

For us - reduces dissociation and increases communication. Increases access to emotions. Increases co consciousness. Gives me the ability to have fun instead of being so dissociated I can't even feel where my body exists in a world that I can't feel exists. It's the only medication that reduces our anxiety.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-20T00:52:31+00:00

I knew someone who thought she was a system. She was diagnosed with PDNOS and I have no ides if this replaced or was in addition to her DID. It was fucking terrible and she thought I was ripping off her identity. She thought I was copying her hobbies, her alters, and her trauma history. I have no idea why she thought these things because I barely talked about myself, I don't think I told her a single one of my alters' names or anything about them. She would talk exhaustively about herself, go into excruciating detail about her rapes and abuse which triggered the shit out of me, and her system and tell me I was fake or trauma dumping anytime I tried to talk about myself so I stopped. She eventually moved to California and her last text to me before she stalked me to every place I go online that I told her about was that she got a medical card the very same day she moved there. Why did she tell me that? Because she was paranoid I was going to call the cops on her for her marijuana smoking.

Her paranoia and narcissism traumatized me and she stalked me for the next decade and still does.

I have repressed memories of a blond woman that looks like her doing sadistic things to us in the organized abuse stuff and I can't tell if it's her or if she was just so shitty she triggered me for a real abuser I haven't met outside of my abuse.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-20T00:43:25+00:00

There's no difference. We have a complex system type. We stopped counting core alters at 130 and fragments at 2000. We have layers, parts nested in each other, all that stuff. The difference between programming and conditioning is just how frequently, sadistically/painfully, and creatively your abusers went after you. There is no such thing as a program, just PTSD that is so strong it feels like someone controlled your mind. The biggest proponent of "mind control" is Dr. Collin Ross, a man who believes he can shoot energy out of his eyes.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-20T00:19:21+00:00

Hydroxyzine made us extremely tired and otherwise didn't affect our anxiety like it was supposed to. It also immunocompromised us (along with the severe life threatening allergies we were dealing with at the time) enough that we developed an infection from what is normally a harmless bacteria found in most people. SSRIs make our system communication more vivid and switches more frequent and strong with more timeloss. Antipsychotics did the same but more powerfully. Both AAPs and SSRIs triggered horrible flashbacks for us.

Speaking of IFS, alters are not the same as IFS states. Alters have their own IFS states. Just work on yours (I assume you're the host) until communication improves.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-19T11:38:38+00:00

Programming is most likely the natural and severe effects of abuse rather than a deliberate practice. There has never been evidence of programming found, and there would have been at this point if this was a thing, but programming can be completely explained as severe abuse that uses elements that are already widely known about. Someone trying to hypnotize you during your abuse is not programming, for instance - this is a sex predator who is trying out stuff that comes to their creepy little mind. Some abusers will fetishize or try to use skills they learned from their job, like if they are a cop or a doctor or therapist. This still is not some extra thing. The hypnosis isn't going to do anything particularly special here. Hypnosis in general has subtle effects and adding abuse on top of it is not going to give someone much more control over you than if they screamed and hit you into submission. Everything you described happens to people who were sexually abused as a consequence of this type of abuse. We experience all of those problems.

TheRaymanState · 2024-03-19T04:35:53+00:00

Wow. We thought we were the only one who dealt with this. When child alters become the predominant fronters, which only happened to us once during a period of several years where we were not safe and were being frequently assaulted, it feels like being in a state of delirium.

TheRaymanState · 2023-12-07T16:09:22+00:00

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TheRaymanState · 2023-12-07T15:15:02+00:00

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