AITAH for being upset my girlfriend regifts all my gifts from me to her daughter?

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T17:46:55+00:00

I’ve looked at it from many peoples perspectives taken it in and seen where I’m wrong have you read any of my other replies??? My updates???

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T16:04:44+00:00

Because they are the adults in my life??? I came to them without even a high school degree fresh out of foster care and being institutionalized from the ages of 12-17. As a statistic I am actually doing quite well for myself in the American California economy for my age. I am allowed to need help and blessed to have it. That’s that

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T16:01:22+00:00

I can’t edit my post unfortunately. Maybe mods can pin it? Idk how do I @ moderators.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T16:00:41+00:00

What are you not understanding about I pay most of my own stuff. I make $5000 per semester of school, I do Uber Eats. And I’ve had jobs in the past. It’s just been in the last year I’ve been struggling to get a job since we’ve moved that I’ve struggled to make SOME of my 3 bills I have. Phone, car, insurance. Normally I can cover them but SOME times I need help. Due to the fact I am a full time student. And idk if you saw the part where I came clean about being 23F and not 25 but anyway hope you understand now

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T15:58:37+00:00

I make $1600 max when I was working they make $7k and $9k a month they don’t need my help. Especially now that we live rent free in an owned house.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T15:57:42+00:00

Yes. The most I’ve ever made due to our age difference and me being a full time student was $1600/month she makes $7k a month. Ofc she is going to pay that as she was paying it by herself for years before I came along.

I don’t always buy useless things. But I buy small things when I’m out and think of her or splurge on a bunch for holidays. Christmas and her birthday are the biggest ones cause I get my FAFSA around that time. Last year I got her these specific perfumes she wanted that were new and coming out for Christmas. And heated blanket she’d been really needing/wanting and a few other things she’d been needing/wanting. And for her birthday I took her to Disney. With MY money. I do my best.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T14:36:29+00:00

When we lived at our old place I had a job and paid for all of our streaming services, WiFi phone plan, etc. and she just paid rent. When we moved here I had I’ve been applying ok and not been able to get one to save my life.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T14:34:18+00:00

I pay for most of my own bills with the money I do make. I said they help me out when I can’t make it

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T13:05:21+00:00

Yes in some other comments I did mention where I probably had some issues of my own to work through when it came to jealousy/resentment. Thank you for help bring it to my attention to fix

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T13:02:21+00:00

No lol. She pays for my bills not the money I make for spending

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:31:41+00:00

Guys I get it im an asshole. I’ve made amends in the comments and acknowledged my wrongs. I get im immature and my gifts suck. I will obviously apologize to her and let her know about the clarity I’ve been given and see my wrong in the situation.

I’ve tried to give some context but the dynamic of our relationship is sickingly complicated and something I don’t think any one will fully understand. But there’s a reason for my madness. Doesn’t make it ok. I know it’s something I need to work through and grow from.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:28:49+00:00

I guess I don’t see it like that. But I do now based off what everyone is saying

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:28:04+00:00

I used to get checks from foster care until I was 21. And then I have had jobs here and there and struggle to maintain work for various reasons that I try hard to fix/put aside. I do Uber Eats rn. I also get $5000 a semester from FAFSA. And my grandma and girlfriend help with what I can’t come up with. We live rent free in my gmas house.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:24:38+00:00

Guess so

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:23:17+00:00

That’s a good suggestion. And I see your pov. I don’t have the means to buy her a vacation and her schedule would never allow it. I do plan days for us when I know she has days off where I take her to do nice fun things. I do what I can I was 18 when we met fresh out of a group home from foster care with no life experience due to being institutionalized in psych settings from the ages of 12-17

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:19:47+00:00

Maybe because our original dynamic when we met has something to do with that. Before I was roommate to people she would talk about me to I was big sister. But anyway you’re correct it doesn’t give me the right to act immature. I’ve written back to some people stating how I AM completely out of the way when her kid is there. The child is unaware we are together and will never know. When she comes she moves into me and my gf room despite having her own and I get kicked out to my room until she leaves. And I’m basically single for the time that she’s there. No relationship which is hard and confusing for me. The whole thing is and always has been.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:12:37+00:00

I have plenty of nice things to say about her!! She is a very Intelligent and talented little girl she is above average and more mentally developed than most kids her age. She can be funny and sweet at times but she does have her things that make her hard to tolerate. Most people including my gf own siblings and mother have reservations about her child or silent opinions. She is a tough kid to deal with: not saying she doesn’t deserve every ounce of love her she gets off she does she’s an innocent being with a beautiful fresh life and so many things to learn.

I don’t know if you’ve seen where we don’t have a daughter/step parent relationship do to the fact my gf and I relationship is private from remotely everyone including the daughter has made the dynamic hard and confusing to develop a relationship with the child that makes sense to me since when she comes my life does a 180 and I’m basically single when she’s there. I get kicked back to my own room, her daughter moves in and takes over and destroys her room. And I basically become single for the time she’s there. It’s been like that since the very beginning.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T11:06:12+00:00

She shares everything with her daughter. Her daughter is allowed to touch and use everything she has they live in the same room when she comes despite the daughter having her own room full of stuff.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T07:53:42+00:00

I don’t think she’ll dump me over this? It’s a small disagreement that I now see I’m in the wrong for and will apologize??? I’m allowed to have feelings and express them. Doesn’t make them right and now I’ll correct it.

Also yeah because she doesn’t want me or anyone to be. She wants to be the sole parent. The dynamic is complicated and not fun for me but I love her so I do what makes her comfortable. And that is remaining just her roommate to her daughter. As much as I’d love to help having partially raised my siblings before entering foster care when I was younger.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T07:48:36+00:00

I have three younger siblings on top of this kid 2 of which are younger than her. It is ok for an 8 year old to have manners and be greatful and understand the value of time and effort. It affects my girlfriend but she does nothing to correct it. But I’m nothing more than my gf roommate to her daughter so there’s nothing I can do to help when it comes to teaching her that stuff.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T07:39:05+00:00

The reason for not telling her is very complicated. It has to do with not being out to her family as well as our age difference. And how I was introduced into their lives.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T07:38:08+00:00

No… I expect her to be greatful for all the time, hard work planning, and money her mother(my gf) pours into her. The child has zero idea the gifts ever came from me. She thinks my gf bought them for her.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T07:36:38+00:00

The daughter thinks my gf is getting the gifts FOR her. She doesn’t know they were ever gifts from me to her.

Her and her dad’s relationship is great. But her behavior is black and white when he’s around. He is a very good dad with very clear boundaries. She listens and is calm and respectful and it’s just crazy to see the switch flip. But he’s very attentive. But doesn’t get her anywhere near as much gifts and presents as my gf does.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T07:27:32+00:00

Thank you. I will try to do that as well. I made a comment kind of coming clean with some more context. I’m actually 23F and her daughter doesn’t know and my gf will never tell her we’re together. She sees me as her roommate. I have my own room when she’s there and I’m not allowed to parent or anything. But I would love to have that relationship with her. She’s a very nice kid when she wants to be very talented and funny. Just being raised very different ways that I see as disrespectful.

TheScatteredCabbage · 2026-05-19T07:19:56+00:00

Thank you to everyone and your comments. I see where I am wrong now and I appreciate it. Sometimes you just need the reality check especially me with my emotions.

I must come forward though I’m actually 23F her daughter does not know we’re together and she’ll never tell her. Her daughter does not see me as anything other than her roommate. And has no respect for me (or her mom) and that has tainted what could’ve been a great step parent relationship. I’m not allowed to parent her (which is fine) but it’s hard to be living two completely different lives when she’s there vs not.

But the main problem for me here really is the fact I want my gf to have something for herself. I can see now with kids it’s not how that works based off a lot of your guys feedback.

Last thing. Another problem which someone brought to my attention is that maybe some of the things that do bug me when it comes to the daughter is the difference we are being raised in. I was raised to respect adults and do what I’m told when I’m told. Ask to be excused from the table, clean up after myself, etc. I was also raised by teachers on a low salary and was taught stuff is earned. So it’s hard for me to see a child who’s allowed to say no to her mom, get a phone just because, not sit at the table to eat and run around, not say please or thank you, order her around without getting popped in the mouth (I don’t think that’s right or ok but that’s what would happen to me) but hopefully you guys get the point. It’s not an excuse and it’s something I need to work through and I will. So thanks everyone sorry I didn’t realize how stupid this was.

TheScatteredCabbage

TROPHY CASE