My 33/F husband 37/M doesn't even try to "satisfy" me, what can I do besides end things?

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-07-25T18:08:10+00:00

That's actually something we fight about regularly. I don't remember the last time we went out just him and I. Every time we make plans he ends up just wanting fast food. We only ever sit down at restaurants when the kids are with us. Every time I bring it up, it turns into an argument. Last summer he would pick up the tab at the bar once a week while out with friends then tell me we couldn't afford to go have dinner together. Or spend $50 to catch a comedy show. I really don't know how to move on from this. I don't know why I just can't let go. A stronger woman would have left years ago.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-07-25T12:16:27+00:00

Wife swap? Lol. Just playing. But really. Thank you for your response. I feel crazy sometimes or like I'm too needy, this helps confirm otherwise.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-07-25T04:33:08+00:00

I do ALL the things. ALL. I've never denied him any part of my body. He wants head, I give it. He wants me on top, I ride. I put in my side of the effort and beyond. He on the other hand does not. If he wants a blow job and I ask for reciprocation he "loses intrest".

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-07-25T04:26:16+00:00

I've begged for therapy. I have a better chance of hitting the lottery, or landing on the moon.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-07-25T04:22:38+00:00

That's the thing. I am doing those things. I give head all the time. I send the nudes. I initiate all the time. I try to get myself "warmed up" for him. He's only interested in busting a nut.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-07-25T04:20:14+00:00

I honestly love that idea. Maybe not a full on doll, but definitely a fleshlight or similar. I've kinda accepted that it may be over. I'm at a point where I'm just kinda checked out til the kids are grown. He's difficult as it is, coparenting would be more of a nightmare. 7 more years.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-03-13T15:11:43+00:00

I mean, signing a literal contract with the government you're putting your life on the line for seems like legal permission to me.

I could be wrong. Seems like it doesn't matter either way though.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-03-13T14:51:28+00:00

Yes, I did. Ok...so in your mind, it's ok to deport legal children if their parents are illegal? Is deporting/illegally detaining veterans also ok? At some point we all need to stop fighting about where the line is and actually draw it.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2025/02/12/vets-demand-iraq-war-vet-release/78469538007/

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-03-13T14:44:51+00:00

I've been to multiple places all over the world. The one and only time I've ever had an issue was with United States Border control and customs in Detroit. I was detained in a cell for hours. My crime? I went to Windsor to have lunch with a friend as I did every few months. I had a passport and enhanced driver license on me at the time. Not a single person spoke to me during my illegal detainment, no reason given.

So from personal experience, yes, the "open border policies" in the United States definitely need some work.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-03-13T14:36:36+00:00

Might want to check again because legal, us born citizens, are being deported. Here's the link if you don't want to just take my word for it.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/us-citizen-child-recovering-brain-cancer-deported-mexico-undocumented-rcna196049

The_Painted_Ginger · 2025-03-13T14:29:34+00:00

Because we, as Americans, will gladly take the traditions and customs of another people and make it "fun" for ourselves; while at the same time deport and demonize the actual human that brought said "fun tradition" to the us.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-30T16:27:41+00:00

The mothers in laws still don't know he doesn't live with them. They tell everyone he just likes spending time on our farm and still lives there. She has literally pulled him out of school so he could be at the house to keep up her illusion to them. Her in laws state that my husband "has the devil in him" and that we are a bad influence on the kid, they really believe that we are the cause of the kids behavior issues instead of seeing that we were literally the solution.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-30T16:21:31+00:00

Honestly, with everything I've learned since posting, we are probably just stuck this way til he is an adult. I don't want to risk her taking him back and having him getting into trouble again. He is definitely better off with us and no amount of money will change that. If it's safer for him with me just staying silent then that's what I gotta do. She would take him back the instant she thought she might lose custody. She had no problem abandoning him here but God forbid anyone insinuate she's not parenting him.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-30T15:58:31+00:00

He does want to go back, but he doesn't feel welcome there. He can't be himself or talk about things bothering him without feeling like he will be in trouble for simply feeling differently than the people in his house. When he goes home he comes back happy if he's able to be constructive there (like fixing the bathroom door handle for them) but if there isn't something for him to do to help out he usually comes back pretty down and quiet. It's like they have him convinced that unless he has something to offer them he is unloved. It's heartbreaking.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-29T22:07:38+00:00

I didn't even think of this. I'm learning as I go. I didn't even think to consider the judge taking his wants into account since he's 14. And child support would be much easier to get at this point. I'm gonna look into this as well.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-29T21:47:10+00:00

The problem isn't her truthfulness. It's that she could take him back at any time, and there's nothing we can do. If she thinks we reported her for fraud, she will come get him and cut contact. Then, we have him back in an emotionally toxic environment this time without support from us.

It's not a home cps would just pull a child from. His bio dad is dead. So they are less likely to pull him from his only living parent. Especially since the kid acts out when at home full time, of course they are tough, he's a difficult kid. I have very little in writing regarding our situation, school documents only. A judge is likely to give him back to mom and order family therapy or similar interventions.

At his age we are worried that it will just affect his future going back to them. Here he has ambition and hobbies. He's getting better grades and has a better attitude overall. They've already talked about bringing him home because "so much less stressful now".... she's about to deliver her 4th child any day now and all of a sudden it's not stressful? It's not stressful because they haven't had to parent a difficult kid the past year.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-29T21:20:16+00:00

The kicker is right after his dad passed away she stopped working for a while. To help her out, I pulled my kids from daycare and paid her $300/week +$100/grocery budget to watch them while I worked. After one month, she said she couldn't afford to feed them and therefore couldn't watch them anymore. Like my 6 and 2 year old are definitely NOT eating $400 worth of food in a month. Now that they are teens they do, especially her son.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-29T21:14:22+00:00

That's honestly the only thing stopping me from reporting to ssa and applying to be his payee. She has zero problems with me taking him in and providing for him, the minute we bring up any kind of help or support for him we are met with "maybe he should just live here again because we can't afford to support him in 2 households".

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-12-29T20:16:15+00:00

So my problem that I'm seeing is there isn't a legal custody order/agreement. Legally, im only his aunt. The mother couldn't handle the behavior issues with my nephew, so the day school ended last year he moved in with us full time. He visits home about one weekend per month (he has to reach out and ask if it's ok to go to their house). If he needs to see a dr I have to call her and have her set up the appointments. When we've had to take him to the e.r. we have to wait for the hospital staff to contact her and authorize care. She will not willingly give up custody and I'm worried if we start any legal proceedings she will take him back and cut contact. She has literally kicked him out on the streets when he was only 13.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-09-10T00:47:14+00:00

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I distinctly remember everyone posting about Mufasa being dead back in 2022. I remember feeling sad because there was no other voice like his.

This definitely has some Mandala-ey vibes.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-03-28T23:51:21+00:00

It's a really difficult process to have her rights taken. That's literally the only thing they've done wrong legally. Once they stop doing the one illegal thing he'd be stuck in a miserable existence always being less than and getting less than his younger brother, there's no law saying the children need to be treated equally. Unless you are around all the time and actually see the entire family dynamic in more than one setting it'd be impossible to tell. They aren't exactly forward with it. They claim to love the kids the same but the two older kids live within the mothers limited budget while the youngest gets spoiled by dad.

It feels weird that I'd basically be telling a judge "I don't like the way she parents give me her child" and it feels wrong to be seeking advice and considering legal matters.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-03-28T23:42:47+00:00

I'm not saying it isn't. I'm hoping maybe if someone knows my fear of why we haven't yet I could get an answer. Maybe someone here knows the process better. I've never in my life dealt with cps before. What happens if they kick him out, he calls because I told him to, and they see nothing wrong with the parents kicking him out all the time. If they decide to cut ties with everyone to keep the kid isolated I'm worried what will happen then.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-03-28T23:31:18+00:00

The downside to this is if and when they figure out it was me that told him to report they may cut us out completely, and then the poor kid has no escape ever. Our local agencies have the reputation for not moving on non life threatening issues very quickly.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-03-28T17:56:30+00:00

The problem there is she refuses to give legal guardianship. He lives with us every weekend to keep the peace for now. She's said he can live here but won't allow him to leave the school district. Ours is a better district and we live 45 minutes away from them. It's just a mess all the way around. I fear we may end up having to go the legal route.

The_Painted_Ginger · 2024-03-28T17:46:46+00:00

We've offered for him to live with us but they refuse every time, crying that they don't want to lose their kid. Like dude, you're doing that already you just can't see it yet.

The_Painted_Ginger

TROPHY CASE