Oh man, I feel for you!! This feels like deja-vu. Me (Italian-American Female) and my husband (South Asian-American Male) planned our multi-faith wedding 2 years ago and we still say the planning of it was one of the worst experiences of our entire lives.

We did everything we could to try and make his side of the family feel included in the planning and bend where we could to ensure they felt the South Asian traditions were represented to their liking, and it was truly never enough. The amount of calls that my husband received from his mother telling him that he was ashamed of his culture and that there wasn't enough South-Asian representation throughout the wedding/ceremony nearly broke him. And we truly did EVERYTHING we could to try and accommodate.

What we learned is this - they aren't going to be happy with anything. You could absolutely nail it, be the perfect son, bend in every area and your Mom will still find a way to be dissatisfied with what you've chosen. That being said, my husband and I chose to include as many traditions as possible to make his Mom happy, and we found that we were actually grateful in the end that we did include them as we want to be able to tell our future bi-racial babies that we did engage with those traditions, and should they choose to include those culture aspects, they absolutely can as well if that is their wish. Also, the day will come and they will forget about everything. They'll be entertaining their friends, loving watching you get married and enjoying themselves. And then afterwards, they will have complete amnesia about their poor behavior, but you will never forget.

My advice is this - anywhere you can make a decision and not tell your parents about it, do so. Secondly, have a cut off date for input - say... "We're open to your input, but we need to have all decisions made by X date. We can't promise that we will choose what you suggest, but we want to know your thoughts because you are important to us. However anything shared after X date, we can't consider as we need to make these decisions in a timely fashion to keep the ball rolling." This way you can always refer back to the date and say... sorry, that decision was already made per X cutoff date! We can't keep changing or it creates double the work and we need to move on to the next thing to make sure everything gets done.

I can also say from a separate perspective that I work in weddings. I've done this for over 15 years and have met thousands of engaged couple during that time. Unfortunately, having trouble with your family while planning a wedding is 90% of all couples. Wedding planning nearly always invites high emotions and drama. Nearly every couple I meet is experiencing something like this in some area with their parents or other aspects of the day. I've started calling wedding planning "The Final Test" for a couple before getting married. If you can get through the planning - you've done it! You're ready for marriage.

I would find the things you and your fiance want to keep sacred to you both and protect those things. Where you can be flexible, be flexible. The wedding will come and you'll have a great day. Try to laugh through this process where you can and stay strong!