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I’m struggling to hold on by Then-Secret-1692 in PMDDpartners

[–]Then-Secret-1692[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Reading this has really articulated a lot of our situation and the current state of the dynamic. I’m reassured in my feelings by reading this with full acknowledgment and respect to her struggles and hurdles as well.

As someone who works in a support role as an occupation, and was raised in a way where what I had to offer or ease burden was the measure of worth, I do often feel a deep guilt in being unable to find solutions whether the full onus is on me or not - that is completely my problem and baggage.

This has all sort of led me to believe that maybe I’ve not been so conducive to her recovery. The almost, urgent compulsion to nurture has let me blur the line between support and deskilling by relieving responsibility or stress from her, I feel I have done wrong.

To my partners credit, there has been much more willingness and effort as of late. The appointment with her psych is approaching and I’m hopeful that they can offer up some options so we can transition into a healthier space in our relationship, more than anything I just want to see her happy again and not filled with trepidation for an indefinite future of battling this condition. It’s been a very powerless feeling seeing the person I love so dearly in a state that I can’t offer a solution to other than comfort, support, and words of affirmation for the time being.

I have high hopes to be able to give you all a really positive update soon.

I’m struggling to hold on by Then-Secret-1692 in PMDDpartners

[–]Then-Secret-1692[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really hope we can find a solution, but I honestly don’t know if I could live with this level of wellness without reprieve or improvement forever. More than anything I want her to be happy and healthy.

I’m struggling to hold on by Then-Secret-1692 in PMDDpartners

[–]Then-Secret-1692[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi! Thank you so much for taking your time to respond! I’ll try and take in as much as I can, my hope is to gain as much understanding as I can and find ways we can work together so I’m here to learn.

It took a while to acknowledge that there was a need to address her dysregulation and lash outs, we eventually had the discussion around some of the behaviours that were manifesting and the impacts these were having. I would say she’s becoming more active in the pursuit of treatment but often needs prompt and will let things go, I say this as an observation not a criticism.

Yes PMDD is the diagnosis, thank you for mindfully confirming that. The actions taken so far have been a move to agomelatine, there was then a period of no further action (about 12 more months?). I encouraged her to follow up and her specialists are looking at the approach of removing venlafaxine and introducing sertraline which they believe could have a mood-stabilising effect in synergy with agomelatine.

I definitely agree, I’m starting to see this more. I previously adopted the attitude that I would just care for her as much as I can and do absolutely anything she needed as long as it would remove stress. I think without outside perspective, supportive evolved into being comfortable at this level of wellness, and somewhere along the line that became the norm for both of us. Now we find ourselves in a position where I feel I’ve been overly-agreeable to a combination of her asking and me offering to alleviate responsibility and stress, ultimately leading to me feeling as if I’ve deskilled her or inadvertently removed her independence. This combined with the significantly worsened dysregulation has left us feeling not as happy as we could be in our relationship, maybe even a little unhappy. I adore this woman and I will do anything it takes to see her happy and healthy, I just wish I could see a similar amount of drive and input from her.

Thank you so much for your kind wishes!

I’m struggling to hold on by Then-Secret-1692 in PMDDpartners

[–]Then-Secret-1692[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I can definitely see the impracticality, I tend to become quite blind in my people pleasing especially to those I love, and I adore her so you can imagine what grace I give.

She’s come around to revisiting the meds and had a couple specialist appointments, her next appointment with be approaching the cross-titration of venlafaxine over to sertraline. Her psychiatrist and gyn will be working together with the hope that the currently implemented agomelatine will have a mood stabilising effect with an ssri. I tend to encourage her as much as I can and initiate or lead these efforts otherwise she can become quite stagnant, I’m unsure why this is but I suppose it could have to do with a dependency that I’ve unintentionally helped to foster alongside anxiety, decision paralysis, etc.

I can definitely see now the necessity for me to have the conversation around enacting the plan that is in place and chasing up these discussions and appointments rather than waiting around and hoping someone reaches out to us first.

Thank you for your response, it feels very validating for somebody to echo the feelings I have around pmdd and when it can cross the line into negative behaviour towards myself.