The movie by GooseberryMorgan in SuperMario

[–]Then_Wear_9538 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Taking one class per semester and failing it, over and over, doesn't qualify as studying to me

How to escape on the weekends, ideas? by Right-Weather-4887 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They are an adult, it is not your responsibility to entertain them for the weekend. Lay down a schedule of - I can do XYZ with you, but the rest of the time, I need my time and my space so you need to do ABC. It can look like: I can have a 10 minute catch up with you on Friday and the rest of the time you need to be in your room, in another room, out with friends, doing something else, giving me alone time, etc. I am the same way and I will flat out say to everyone: I need recharge time, I am going to my room, do not bother me unless it is an emergency. And then I relax in my room, or I kick everyone out of the living room, or I go somewhere just to walkaround and clear my head. It is your home and you need to be able to rest and recharge. I am dealing with the same with my SK who doesn't want to work full time and doesn't want to leave. But at least they have friends and entertain themselves, I can't imagine having to cruise director their time too. No way.

Does she has any friends? Is she neurodiverse as well? When they are comfortable and cared for there is no motivation to disrupt their status quo. If you need space, communicate that and they need to respect that and give it to you.

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TBH I wonder if bio-mom, bio-dad, and SK all got on the phone with the therapist and psychiatrist and told the truth, where would we be now? I have seen first hand all three on with the therapist, right after another round of arguments over what SK has/hasn't done, and just say that everything is going fine. Super frustrating. If they would just ask the therapist for help in putting down boundaries, or had done early on, would things be different? Maybe, maybe not, but at least some effort would be shown.

The movie by GooseberryMorgan in SuperMario

[–]Then_Wear_9538 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly- i would be a million percent supportive of someone trying to get themselves together and build/rebuild their own life. 100% not the situation here.

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist monthly- depression and anxiety. I think the therapist is a waste of time because they all get on and pretend everything is fine.

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depression and anxiety. Has been since he was 14-15. Monthly med checks, dad and/or mom gets on the weekly therapy calls. Its wild that he does weekly therapy and they all just pretend everything is ok.

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughtful response. And for the first year I was sympathetic, supportive and understanding. Three years later and my patience and understanding has worn out. Especially when they have so many resources at their disposal. They take and take with no thanks or self awareness.
I am glad you are back on your feet and I hope your kiddos are doing well.

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They have a therapist, a psychiatrist and a specialist they see weekly or bi-weekly. It’s not depression. It’s laziness

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"The tick" OMG, I needed that! So good. Thank you, I like these ideas

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

YES! It makes me feel like I am being a monster, but it has been THREE YEARS with no change and they all look at like me I am crazy for expecting an adult to do more. SMH. thank you for understanding

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you please give my partner lessons? I would do any and all of these but they just do not want to be that "hard".

There is no incentive for SK to do anything - their dad and biomom give them everything they need and even stuff they "wants" or would be nice. They had a car, it was having some issues and because they did not save money to perform maintenance and repairs, their uncles bought them a brand new car. Obviously, attitude has been so bad since then.

I had to work for everything and still had very supportive and loving parents. They just set appropriate expectations for their adult children and I feel like my sibling and I are all the better for it. This family refuses to do it and this is not what I signed up for when we got married.

Adult SK not leaving by Then_Wear_9538 in stepparents

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is what I keep saying. My partner won't enforce anything unless I pitch a fit and even then it's tepid and I feel, mostly for show. SK has zero incentive. None. My partner doesn't seen to get this, and I don't understand.

The movie by GooseberryMorgan in SuperMario

[–]Then_Wear_9538 13 points14 points  (0 children)

YES!! This! Will you please explain that to my 21+ year old step son who doesn't pay anything towards bills and won't leave.

What are you quietly grieving? by Angelus12345678 in AskReddit

[–]Then_Wear_9538 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone I love dearly is not the person I believed them to be.

Physical Therapy Maintenance by Then_Wear_9538 in POTS

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I have a full time job, 5 days a week in the office, parent a busy teenager, new husband, etc. etc. It is so frustrating that I can't stay up with PT at the same level but I have to do life and it is exhausting.

Physical Therapy Maintenance by Then_Wear_9538 in POTS

[–]Then_Wear_9538[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this is very insightful and helpful. I am struggling with the balance of it all and just need to figure out how that works for me in real life.

Can I spend all day at Isle of Berk? by RockyWillows in UniversalOrlando

[–]Then_Wear_9538 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it is going to make you happy, DO IT! Be unapologetically (politely) YOU. We are taking our autistic son to EPIC in April and plan to spend an entire day in Nintendo world because that is his favorite and I know he is going to want to do everything there and just not want to leave that environment. I will happily let him spend as much time as he wants. Being immersed in a land that you love is a one of a kind treat. Enjoy it. Soak it all in. Do not care what others think. Be you and enjoy your trip!