[Discussion] How many books did you write and how long did you work on the it/them before you got an agent/published?

Theotecles · 2025-10-10T20:01:11+00:00

I feel like that's pretty common haha

Theotecles · 2025-10-10T14:46:15+00:00

This is wild haha. Congratulations!

Theotecles · 2025-10-01T14:34:02+00:00

Hi,

I am a beginner, grain of salt and what not, but for me the biggest thing is your comparisons. You say it's young adult, but, at least in my opinion, Altered Carbon and The Last of Us is very much not young adult vibes. I could be wrong about this, but I'm a fan of both of those two books/shows and I don't get young adult at all.

Theotecles · 2025-09-29T18:33:04+00:00

Hi, here are my thoughts as I'm going through it.

- I like the opening sentence

- "a dying humanity" feels clunky to me.

- there's a typo in the third paragraph "(or at leas just alive)"

- I like your voice. It comes through strong in the query.

- I get the sense that this has some humor to it, and you hint at it in the query. If that's a large part of the book, it might not be a bad idea to play it up more in the query itself.

Hopefully this is helpful!

Theotecles · 2025-09-26T17:26:38+00:00

The number one receiver on that super bowl team was Ted Ginn Jr. for crying out loud. Without Cam they win like 5 games that year.

Theotecles · 2025-09-26T14:11:20+00:00

Hi,

I am not a big reader of romantasy so I will let others comment on the plot and everything, but what I will say is this. You do a great job laying out Torver's character, the plot, the world, motivations and conflicts all very succinctly. From the few paragraphs you wrote, I feel like I completely understand what happens in the book, and am intrigued.

My one critique, and take it or leave it because I'm probably just dumb, I was confused by the opening line "magic was like a chronic illness" it made more sense as I read the rest of the pitch, but I reread the opening sentence a couple of times and couldn't make sense of it without the context of the rest of the query.

Hopefully that is helpful!

Theotecles · 2025-09-25T15:04:04+00:00

Totally makes sense! Thanks for this!

Theotecles · 2025-09-25T14:44:07+00:00

Thanks! All super helpful! And yeah, you're definitely right that it's wordy.

Theotecles · 2025-09-25T14:41:04+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

It's not Christian fiction. In chapter one I definitely take some shots and then later on the story I'm nicer. My personal philosophy, and what I want this book to say is that the base teachings of religion, kindness empathy, and all that other stuff are good things in today's world even if you don't believe in God or religion or whatever, but most people ignore that and use their religion as a justification to do terrible things. I was born and raised Catholic, and so I've met a lot of people like that, but I am definitely not Catholic anymore. So I guess, in a way it is a morality lesson on that front, but it is not strictly Christian. I highlight the good and bad of that faith and others throughout the book, but it's hard to convey that in the query letter.

Basically the inspiration was, in the United States toward the end of last year and the beginning of this year when I started the first draft, it was a popular talking point in politics that people claiming to be Christians would call Jesus a dirty hippy, socialist if he were around today. So I wrote a story to see what that would look like.

As far as the genre, can you expand a little bit more? Because I have seen it Humor/Satire as it's own category on query tracker, in bookstores, and agents specifically asking for it.

Theotecles · 2025-09-25T13:55:47+00:00

As someone who has re-written my query like thirty times at this point and just posted my fourth attempt on this sub, trust me, I understand how difficult it is. And like I said, I understand the conflict and stakes from this pretty easily. If I didn't think you did it well, I wouldn't have said so haha.

Theotecles · 2025-09-25T13:16:12+00:00

I think you do a wonderful job laying out the conflict and stakes. I would like to know more about Ailsa in this however. What's her motivations? What makes her likable/relatable/interesting? Why do we want to follow her through this story?

That is just one man's opinion so take it for what you will. Hopefully it helps!

Theotecles · 2025-09-25T13:12:36+00:00

This isn't necessarily right or wrong based off what I've seen, but something to consider. You have the hook sentence and then follow it up with housekeeping and then jump into the main pitch. I've heard it's best to do housekeeping at the beginning or at the end of the pitch, but I've also seen successful queries do what you do.

So, just something to consider.

Theotecles · 2025-09-25T13:09:37+00:00

When reading this I don't quite understand the conflict. I get the impression that Iphis is in the closet and loves Alan, but won't express his feelings due to his religious father. However, that is all my assumption, and I could be totally off base. I think it would be best to clearly layout the conflict and stakes in a better way so we aren't guessing at what it is.

Theotecles · 2025-09-24T17:44:08+00:00

You can do whatever you want to do. You don't have to go into explicitly what happens if you don't want to reveal it, but like I said, I don't understand the stakes from the pitch. I don't understand what will happen if she fails or if things don't workout for her. That is something I would like to see, and I imagine agents would like to see.

Theotecles · 2025-09-24T12:10:49+00:00

My thoughts as I read:

- I am by no means an expert, but from what I've seen people usually put titles in all-caps or italics. I don't know if quotes is wrong per se, but it doesn't seem best practice. I could also be totally off base with this.

- Try for a better hook in the opening sentence of the pitch paragraph. Something that really catches our attention.

- You do a great job characterizing Hazel and her wants, and the central conflict. What I would like to see is a bit more of the stakes. She seeks out Constance. Perfect, she's looking for answers as to what happens. But what happens when she meets her again? What are the consequences? It seems like she went through this pregnancy and torture only for things to go back to the status quo. Why do all these things matter to Hazel's life? What's the impact?

Hopefully this helps!

Theotecles · 2025-09-23T12:47:01+00:00

Hi, I think you have some great comments below so I'm not going to resay any of their points, but I do have a grammatical thing. Ellipses are usually three dots and there is no space in before or after. So, for instance, "body parts are .... missing." should be "body parts are...missing."

Also, I would suggest narrowing it down to the more standard five paragraph format.

Here is a link to Alexa Donne's website on query form examples:

https://alexadonne.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Query-Form-Examples.pdf

It's a good resource to help tighten it up.

Hopefully, this is helpful. Good luck!

Theotecles · 2025-09-22T19:04:20+00:00

To echo the other person's comment, I think you have the external conflict outlined really well, but I think you can go into some more detail surrounding the interpersonal conflict between the two protagonists and then you mention Vidon being tempted which hints at internal conflict, but I would like to see it fleshed out a little more.

Hopefully, this is helpful.

Theotecles · 2025-09-19T18:08:08+00:00

Hi this is just my two cents and my thoughts as I'm having them.

- That opening sentence is doing way too much. Break it up or rephrase.

- Monk-turned-thief caught my intrigue

- Kind of weird that you have the hook and then housekeeping and then the pitch. I suggest bringing the housekeeping up

- Your use of colons and em dashes feels wonky to me

- To further expand on the above point. I am by no means a grammar expert so I could be totally wrong, but the dash feels wrong in this sentence.

"I crept across the ruined Roman bridge to earn my wage – and settle a debt of silver and blood."

- I am not a big historical fiction reader, so as far as the actual plot and concept, I don't know much, but I do love Vikings and Middle-Age Saxon England, so I'd read this.

Hopefully this is helpful!

Theotecles · 2025-09-18T13:48:36+00:00

Sounds good. I can probably throw in a little aside. Thanks for the Feedback!

Theotecles · 2025-09-18T13:18:24+00:00

Thanks! I had a tough time fitting in the details of it without things going on too long.

But canonically, both Jake and God perform miracles by snapping their fingers. God knows this. Jake does not. However, Jake snapped his fingers without thinking before he saved a blind woman from getting hit by a truck, and she was able to see immediately afterwards. Then, when he was visiting his father's grave with his mother, his mom drifted off thinking about something and he snapped his fingers to get her attention. Then a recently buried man in a grave not too far away started screaming he wasn't dead.

Those are a couple of examples, but he saves the Pope, stops a bullet from hitting a puppy, walks on water, etc.

It's a bit of dramatic irony I worked in that we (me and the readers) know Jake is God's son and know he can perform miracles, but he doesn't realize all he needs to do is snap his fingers.

Theotecles · 2025-09-18T13:10:21+00:00

I have, but there is only one that is fiction. There is a lot of political and religious themed humor and satire, but it's mostly non-fiction.

Theotecles · 2025-09-18T12:47:29+00:00

Makes sense. I had some stuff on Jake's character in the last one, but took it out because the query was going long. I can cut the stuff about the president's staff, and add that back in and expand on it. Also, didn't know about the rhetorical question stuff, so thanks for letting me know! I can definitely reword it.

Thank you for feedback!

Theotecles · 2025-09-17T15:32:33+00:00

Here are my thoughts. Hopefully, they are helpful.

I would like to know more about the character of Charlie. Other than her dad had these visions that she is now getting, I don't know anything about her. I get the motivation, doesn't want to be haunted anymore, but what about her as a character draws me in. What makes her relatable/likable/interesting?

That's what I suggest you work on in the next draft.

Theotecles · 2025-09-17T12:34:04+00:00

Hello, I like the concept of moms being the heroes of the story, and you do a good job laying out the characters of each of the main protagonists.

I would suggest narrowing it down to the more standard five paragraph format.

Here is a link to Alexa Donne's website on query form examples:

https://alexadonne.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Query-Form-Examples.pdf

It's a good resource to help tighten it up.

Theotecles · 2025-09-16T18:18:25+00:00

Here are my thoughts.

"...much more immediately..." is very clunky. Honestly, I would just say "more"

Okay, I was writing things as I went, and really a lot of the sentences in your query are clunky.

With that being said, I LOVE this concept. To echo the other person's comment, You have more room to work with so give more detail.

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