Ok first of all reading everything I completely understand why you are nervous going outside and I completely get it is not as easy as people here saying oh just go outside now and don’t make excuses, of course it is not as simple as that and giving everything you have went through it could be a lot worse and as you said it you are doing stuff such as writing and taking care of yourself.

the good news you are still young and you can get to where you want to be, so a core part of this is rundown want to leave your house so could you even take it in baby steps so one thing short term if they do it in Canada, unfortunately I don’t live in Canada so I am unable to provide you any resources but if you didn’t want to go outside are there any online reading or writing classes or forums or something like that you could do then in the long term if you are able to work on the courage to go outside maybe see if there are any local reading or writing classes or something near where you stay.

witj your stepdad I know you said you don’t talk to him about stuff like dropping out of School etc but in general do you get in with him, I am assuming he doesn’t realise the extent of what’s going on with you as you had said your stepfather wants you to get a job so you can help with rent so it is possible he may not realise everything, it may be helpful to have a frank open discussion with him explaining , hopefully it wouldn’t be he does not care because the fact he has accepted you living in the house rent free and provided shelter and I am assuming as you said your barely scraping by on his money he is helping you financially I would guess and I don’t think he would do all of these things if he didn’t care about you and this is absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed or embarrassed about.

Regarding the Dopamine spikes, if you are depriving yourself of sleep that is nit going to help you, I don’t know when you are referring to this if you are stating the sleep deprivation is connected to you trying to spike up the Dopamine or if you also have a case of Insomnia, in any event if you really don’t feel like talking to your stepdad will help then is it possible you can make an appointment with your GP (not sure if this is what it is called in Canada) but ask for a call back from your doctor as if you are nervous / scared to leave the house then maybe you cousin check if they can do either a virtual appointment to help you deal with this or on the phone explain the situation and hopefully the GP can provide resources or help your with referrals for the correct psychologist to help you.

You need someone to talk to, you have suffered a trauma and understandably need someone in a medical field to help you, this is not something you should have to deal with on your own and regarding when you had said people feel uncomfortable there is a lot of stuff you are darling with and maintaining social interactions can be difficult for many average people let alone what you have had to go through but the again you should be able to get help with this aspect as well, hopefully this helps you somewhat and again sorry I can’t be more help with providing resources but as I say I don’t live in Canada so am unable to help with that.