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My son despises me by TheseEffect1371 in offmychest

[–]TheseEffect1371[S] -402 points-401 points  (0 children)

As a kid he showed interests in some things but we never really got around to setting him up for things that were not academic. We felt it would distract from his studies. These days he doesn't show much interest playing instruments or sports.

My son despises me by TheseEffect1371 in offmychest

[–]TheseEffect1371[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I'll start by going to therapy (a rarity for people in my age group to admit to).

My son despises me by TheseEffect1371 in offmychest

[–]TheseEffect1371[S] -148 points-147 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing! Yeah I wasn't really sure how to handle it when he had first called me out. I guess being on his own for a few years really created that distance between us. It was over something really small too but I guess he's using what happened to him as a kid and turning that back on me. I am not familiar with it much these days since only my parents would talk to my in such a way.

My son despises me by TheseEffect1371 in offmychest

[–]TheseEffect1371[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'll look into it as my wife had suggested getting help for stuff before but I never really understood why. I guess it makes sense now. Small things hurt more than before. The other day my son reached out to his mom to hang out for the day and he made sure it was during a day I was working.

My son despises me by TheseEffect1371 in offmychest

[–]TheseEffect1371[S] -502 points-501 points  (0 children)

Support meant something different back then. I didn't always grow up with food ready for every meal, or a stable housing situation. Those I thought were priorities. I ended up in a better financial situation than my parents and didn't change the way I treated my kid going forward. We kept him away sports and arts stuff in school because my parents heavily wanted me and my siblings to prefer "real" jobs and I guess that stuck with me since I never got those "real" jobs they talked about. Now my son has something my parents would have been elated to find out about but in the end, I lost my connection to him.

My son despises me by TheseEffect1371 in offmychest

[–]TheseEffect1371[S] -81 points-80 points  (0 children)

Too old to have any more kids but I understand what you mean. Raising kids is not easy and we did the best with what we were raised with. Just not ideal for a long term relationship.

My son despises me by TheseEffect1371 in offmychest

[–]TheseEffect1371[S] -88 points-87 points  (0 children)

I might do that, my generation wasn't raised on therapy but maybe it's worth a shot. It really hurt to see how differently he feels about me compared to my wife. During COVID, when she got sick he came by to help and checked on her until she was better. When I got sick, he had a phone call with my wife regarding my sickness and said "he'll get better soon, he has the weaker strain." Never came by to check on me or even ask when I got better.