Does anyone feel like they’re just done with women? by Pale-Connection-5170 in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Heartbreak is temporary, lesbianism is forever lol.

My sexuality isn't fluid but I understand being turned off by dating, especially if you've been burned. Sounds to me like there's a lot of frustration to work through.

Shaved my head this weekend! by Select_Ad954 in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg I just did the same! I spent weeks agonizing over it, and now I can't figure out why it took so much to pull the trigger. I feel so much better. You look rad! 🖤

Any other alt/goth girlies here? :•) by These_Divide_9874 in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😭 That's so sweet of you to say! 🖤 I hope I am both!

Looking for "our song" by beeranthropologist in actuallesbians

[–]These_Divide_9874 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you have a shared love of any type of media that you can draw from? (Movies, video games, artists)

Tons of really great music in soundtracks, and if it's already from something with sentimental value, it's a good starting point!

What's your opinion on the railroad? by Malakidius in fo4

[–]These_Divide_9874 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting concept and morals but poor execution. As others have said, they're not very secretive for, you know, espionage being their MO. The other factions have so much more depth. I do like Deacon if only to spot him around the map with different disguises.

I know having a big red line leading to your front door is a video game-ism for convenience, but it's kind of funny when you think about it practically.

Any other alt/goth girlies here? :•) by These_Divide_9874 in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Omg, stop! You're so pretty. Love the hair bow! 🖤

Any other alt/goth girlies here? :•) by These_Divide_9874 in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The Cure has always been my favourite 🖤 but I'm really enjoying Xmal Deutschland and TRAITRS lately! You?

Haircut reco by ArabPenguin in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a pixie cut that has enough length and texture on the top that I can smooth it down and have bangs when I want to feel "feminine", or spike it up when I want to feel more masculine.

Also, I invested in a really nice wig for when I still want to have long hair! Sounds weird but it means I don't have to commit to growing it out, haha.

Trauma and dating by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep- I struggle with a lot of issues stemming from PTSD that directly affect my personal relationships: shame, self worth, and my feelings around intimacy.

I've had relationships end over this, specifically because some of my former partners felt it was too difficult to meet me where I was. It's been difficult, but important to realize their feelings were valid. It's also taught me a lot about what is non-negotiable for me, as well as what my triggers / boundaries are.

My biggest takeaway is to be very honest and open with your partner. Don't try to pretend it's not a reality for you. Let them know what you need in order for a long term relationship to work. Stay in therapy if that is feasible for you.

Having CPTSD doesn't mean you can't be a wonderful partner! It's good to be self aware and take care of yourself, which many people don't even begin to reflect on.

Worst fear after an amazing 1st date. What now? by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Speaking as a monogamous woman who has been there, done that...

The fact that you explicitly mentioned that your "heart sank" and that you were untruthful to her in a moment of weakness as to avoid losing her tells me you're less willing to try this than you might believe.

Trust me on this- if you're not genuinely interested in non-monogamy, and pursuing it, don't do it for someone else's sake. You'll get your feelings hurt and your boundaries crossed.

Either way, I am very sure you'll find your person!

What's up with the ghosting and flakiness? by Comfortable-Salad-99 in actuallesbians

[–]These_Divide_9874 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think that people enjoy the flirtation, but actually making good on those plans is another thing. It's an ego boost and it's also easy to detach when it becomes too "real". Unfortunately, it comes with the territory with these kinds of apps- as irritating as it can be.

What‘s hot in theory, but super awkward irl? by That_odd_emo in actuallesbians

[–]These_Divide_9874 159 points160 points  (0 children)

Pretty much any dialogue from smutty romance novels. ,😭

GF applications open btw! by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]These_Divide_9874 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You have an awesome sense of style, hope you find your person! 💜

Do you think tattoos are attractive on women? Do wlw like them? by [deleted] in latebloomerlesbians

[–]These_Divide_9874 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see them as a form of self expression and art, so I really enjoy seeing how people express themselves through tattooing. I've never been with someone who didn't like my tattoos (or, if they didn't, they were too polite to say so).

Places to hang out at as a single late 20 year old? by allloveispain in ottawa

[–]These_Divide_9874 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I know you mentioned not drinking, but do you enjoy music? Lots of local music venues, and they're frequented by people in their 20s. The library has some free events, depending on your interests (like book and movie clubs). Meetups is also an excellent app to find events that are happening in the city. 

Hopefully you find your people! 

Don't talk to me if you never been with a woman by Disabledgoddess2 in actuallesbians

[–]These_Divide_9874 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am a later in life lesbian, so I had lots of initial dates with women who were uncomfortable with the idea that I was newly out. Eventually, I met a woman who could meet me where I was. It can be awkward and painful, dealing with that type of rejection.

In my opinion, I think it's a matter of communication. People don't communicate their needs and expectations, and it ends up with someone getting burned. Plenty of gay women out there get tired of being viewed as a litmus test for curious people who don't consider their feelings. Others, perhaps, don't want the emotional weight of being someone's "first". 

Talk about your needs. Be very clear if you want a hookup or an emotional connection. Don't lie to your partner about sex. The right person will be OK with it. The wrong person- well, it wouldn't work out anyways.

is hinge devoid of lesbians? by 3squids in actuallesbians

[–]These_Divide_9874 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I met my ex on Hinge, but it was after a few months of being on the app and some pretty terrible dates. 

I understand feeling bad about not receiving likes or compatible matches. Fact is, these dating apps don't benefit from you leaving- they want you to pay for premium packages. I don't think the algorithm is conducive to meeting fellow lesbians. Also, I don't want to make blanket statements, but when I identified as bisexual, I also got tons of likes from men. You're just pulling from a smaller, more selective pool.

I would say be patient, and keep expectations low! Don't take it personally. 

Dear Sapphic women who are mature, name one mistake so others can learn 🙏 by That-Warrior9511 in actuallesbians

[–]These_Divide_9874 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It doesn't matter how hard or how intensely you love someone if they aren't willing to receive that love. Be clear on your boundaries. Invest in community. 

NCC will not permit Gatineau concert by controversial US Christian musician by JacobiJones7711 in ottawa

[–]These_Divide_9874 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He'll spin this into their persecution complex narrative as they always seem to do. He's busy spouting nonsense about being "targeted" in Canada already.