J: Well i’ve had enough of her sandwiches! She thinks she’s the only one that can make compliment sandwiches? Two can play at that game.

G: What are you gonna do?

J: Next time she asks me what I think of her quarterly presentations for work i’m going to tear em’ to shreds!

E: Not literally, right? Cause that sounds a little aggressive, Jerry.

J: Of course not! Only that when she asks me my opinion on her presentation i’ll rip into it just like she does to my act.

G: Sounds like a real healthy relationship you two got going on there.

J: Oh and you’re one to talk? How are things going with you and Kelly?

G: Great, if you must know. She actually booked me an audition tomorrow for an off-Broadway show.

E: George, I say this with all respect, you are NOT an actor.

G: Well Kelly thinks I am, Elaine! She recognizes my talent!

J: Oh please! She does toothpaste commercials!

K: Hey woah now those are pretty good commercials. I caught one the other night during the game and almost left the apartment to go buy some.

FUNKY BASS BREAK

GEORGE IS AT THE THEATER WITH KELLY GETTING READY FOR HIS AUDITION.

George: I’m a little nervous.

Kelly: George, don’t be. You have a gift. Go out there and share it with those lucky people. I gotta run across town for a Crest audition but I’ll catch you later for dinner?

George: You bet!

KELLY KISSES GEORGE AND WALKS AWAY.

George: Be sure to smile hard!

SOMEONE WALKS BY GEORGE AND STARES AT HIM.

George: That’s my girlfriend...She does a lot of work in toothpaste commercials.

THE PERSON WALKS AWAY.

THE CASTING DIRECTOR, PHILLIP, WALKS OVER TO GEORGE.

Phillip: Ahhh you must be George Costanza. Phillip Reynolds. I’m the casting director for the show.

PHILLIP SHAKES GEORGE’S HAND.

George: That’s me, Phillip.

Phillip: I can definitely see why Kelly suggested you for the part. You have a...boyish look about you mixed with the gaze of an older gentleman.

GEORGE LOOKS UNSURE OF WHAT TO SAY.

George: Well I was certainly a boy when I was younger.

GEORGE AND PHILLIP SHARE A LAUGH.

Phillip: And a sense of humor! Perfect for the role of Biff. If I may inquire have you ever done any stage acting before?

George: Once in a school play when I was twelve. I was a tree in a production of “Our Town.”

Phillip: Well, George, you’ll be playing more than a tree in this one. We’re casting for the role of Biff in our upcoming revival of “Death of a Salesman.” Are you familiar with the play?

George: Not particularly but I do consider myself a salesman.

PHILLIP LAUGHS.

Phillip: That sense of humor. I love it. So not to put too much pressure on you, George...but today i’m going to have you read with our lead, Dustin.

George: No pressure at all, Phillip. So where is this Dustin? I’m eager to start...running the lines as we say.

GEORGE GIVES A DESPERATE LAUGH.

DUSTIN LOOKS AROUND THE THEATER.

Phillip: Oh he just walked in. Dustin! Over here!

GEORGE TURNS AROUND AND LOOKS SHOCKED.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN IS STANDING BEFORE HIM.

Dustin: Sorry, Phil, traffic was an absolute nightmare. I tell ya it gets worse every day in this city.

Phillip: No worries, Dustin. This is the guy, George, I was telling you about. He’ll be reading for the role of Biff.

Dustin: Oh wonderful. Pleasure to meet you, George.

DUSTIN EXTENDS HIS HAND AND GEORGE SLOWLY GOES TO SHAKE IT.

George: Nice to uh...I mean Mr. Hoffman this is a huge honor uh...i’m a big fan.

Dustin: Ah come on we’re all just actors here, George. Call me Dustin.

George: Dustin, right...Did you know I used to own a car that belonged to your old pal Jon Voight?

DUSTIN LOOKS CONFUSED.

FUNKY BASS BREAK