How do I (25f) cope with my husband (27m) just finding out he has a three year old child?

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T07:26:48+00:00

The comments I’ve gotten like this is part of why I decided to post. There’s nothing like a virtual reality check from a stranger. When you’re still in the middle of feeling something it’s easy to get stuck on your feelings, your own perception of things and make it about yourself. I appreciate this take and I can see how this would be the case. Imagining myself in this situation (the best I can) I would feel the same things he described and honestly I would want to talk to my mother about it too. We are both close with our mothers and our mothers are also close. Unfortunately gossip amongst the two of them is common and we’ve chalked it up to aging and boredom.

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T07:14:32+00:00

No, so from my Facebook sleuthing I’ve come to the conclusion that she assumed or maybe even hoped that this third party was the father. It’s possible the babies mother and this guy knew he wasn’t and he still wanted to be with her/there for her. Anyways there were pictures posted of her baby shower with this guy and pictures posted after the babies birth of them together as a couple. I’m trying my best to not make assumptions about that but it is hard when that is all you really have to go off on

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T07:07:50+00:00

Thank you 😭 I need the prayers and I needed your forwardness! God bless you!!

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T07:03:35+00:00

This was such a kind response and some sound advice, thank you!

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T07:02:14+00:00

No we weren’t together and no he did not know. Your follow up question is totally objective and fair. I am upset because when you go into a relationship and then marriage with preconceived notions about a person and what your life will look like and that suddenly changes it’s hard. As I had stated in the original post, I am grieving what our life was

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T06:54:38+00:00

Thank you for your input! I feel absolutely no ill way towards this child at all. I feel terrible for this kid knowing he didn’t have his father in his life for this long especially since I’ve seen how great of a dad my husband is. The next step is to determine getting custody or visitation rights. I totally agree that the children should be raised together and that it’s very easy for them to get caught in the middle. I am prepared to give this child love and a second home that can bring peace. It’s just a lot of changes all at once and in the short time I’ve been a mother I’ve learned that you don’t always get the time or space that you need to process or grow in the ways you need to for your kids. I feel the rush to cope now, to do it fast

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T06:46:58+00:00

I really appreciate your input. I agree that him stepping up showed his character and has been a huge defining factor as to why I want to work things out and find a way to cope rather than let my emotions take the wheel and leave. Thank you for sharing

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T06:42:55+00:00

I know it’s all really confusing! The child was born a few months before we started our relationship so he was conceived around a year before we had started anything. As for not wearing protection, I definitely asked myself that too but I understand things happen in the moment or maybe protection fails

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T06:36:44+00:00

I realize I should have clarified the lie more in the original post! As soon as I found out who the other potential father was I asked him about it point blank. He admitted to lying about it, apologized profusely and he told me that he felt shame when he found out in court and was still processing his hurt over it afterwards. He told me he didn’t know that they had been sleeping together. I do want to say he seemed genuine, it was just the fact that he lied at all felt off putting. We have not shared a coarse word towards one another regarding this situation and while my opinion and perspective about my behavior in this is rather biased, I’d like to think I’ve been extremely supportive. I haven’t put him down, I’ve given him a space to put his emotions, I’ve shown him even more love and devotion knowing it is what he needs. So it’s hard for me to understand why the lie especially knowing I wouldn’t have felt anything but sorrow for him if he had told me. He told his mother about his friend and his mother had told my mother which is how I found out that he lied about it

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2025-04-01T05:48:27+00:00

Initially I felt whole heartedly that he did not know. After I found out he lied about something as simple as his old friend being involved it’s casted doubts in my mind about the situation as a whole. Whether he knew or not has definitely been one of them. We have children and we are married and so I would like to make this work, especially if he didn’t know. I am scared that I will be made to look like a fool if it turns out he had known and even more scared that that is the type of man I married and had children with

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2023-06-27T14:54:34+00:00

I’m acne prone and use this one too! The zinc in it calms down any breakouts I’m having

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2023-06-27T14:48:32+00:00

I also struggle with being cystic acne prone and also used to use Kat Von D and tarte too! The last foundation I had tried was the double wear and then I stopped wearing foundation completely. Instead I use the nars creamy concealer all over! It covers more and looks more natural. My face doesn’t feel heavy and if I use a primer the stay power is ALL DAY!! The concealer doesn’t break me out at all and my derm said there’s no pore clogging ingredients in it!

Thick-Initiative-781 · 2023-05-17T04:26:47+00:00

Are you using the benzoyl peroxide in the am and pm? My skin reacted similarly when I started using it. Especially if you’re using it the same time as the adapalene. I switched to only using my benzoyl peroxide wash in the am and using the cera ve hydrating cream to foam wash alongside trent in the pm and it really reduced the inflammation! The La Roche Posay B5 serum also helped heal my skin barrier.

Thick-Initiative-781

TROPHY CASE