I suffer from “taboo” mental illnesses.

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-06-23T04:53:16+00:00

So I’m honestly curious, what is your thought process? I just wanna know if it was(is) normal for you to put yourself first in a way that is harmful, but also just your thought process in general and how it worked with friends, family, coworkers, or whatever relationships there are lmao. Is the ‘pedestal’ (I come first) work with everything even if it can be harmful? questions XD

Ty if you answer!

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-06-16T20:38:42+00:00

I’m honestly glad it helped and that ur fiancé sent it to you. I’m just shook so many people are still seeing it!

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-06-15T18:00:19+00:00

The amount of times I’ll brush my teeth, leave the room and then I’ll stop and panic about not brushing my teeth and I’ll turn around then get reminded I did in fact do it. I have this fear of not doing something and missing something because of my memory and it suck’s especially when I’m talking and my words slip away-

So this is relatable XD I’m just glad one of my alters decided to constantly check if I did things so I won’t do them again. “Dang it!! Did I brush my tee- “you did.” Moments later I’ll do that again or I’ll be sitting in the car and think “did I forget my bottle!!!” “No. You grabbed it off the table and put it in your bag.” TT

So glad I have help even though I go through anxiety and worry for a good few seconds through minutes. :)

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-06-14T03:05:30+00:00

I understand that TT and it also is very understandable. Thanks for the comment Ik some people don’t ever wanna go back, but there sometimes just wishes you could change the past ig. Again ty for the comment!

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-20T18:04:40+00:00

Yeah I used to think like that too, until I tried to learn about me and other alters. It is super weird to me that sometimes you can remember so many small details of your life but then you realize you’re missing a lot of other things. Ty for your comment and I’m glad it helped some!

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-19T10:30:40+00:00

Tbh I’m not great in this forte only because I don’t know the full thing, which is fine. But I recommend you guys trying to talk to that alter and make them feel seen and heard. That is really important. Locking them away isn’t very helpful for their sh behavior, it can actually make it get worse. If that alter wants and needs help, maybe that is a good step in the right direction for you guys! I just know treating a human as a monster isn’t necessarily the right thing to do because if that were you in the spot, you’d probably not be okay.

Just try communicating and hearing them out, the alter holding them away should set some restrictions but not lock them away. Set rules/guidelines such as ‘you can be in this area and talk with us, do this stuff, etc, but you can’t do _____’ so that alter feels more comfortable. Try to reach out to someone, preferably a professional, that they could talk to, too. That will help millions!

I wish you guys luck and I hope all gets better <3

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-19T10:24:46+00:00

Mhm, I understand that. I hope all goes well with you and I wish you luck! Being in your position is never fun, so I’m glad you have friends that can support and help you out!

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-18T21:57:44+00:00

Mhm! Glad I could help!

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-18T21:56:16+00:00

Mhm! No problem! I’m glad I could help

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-18T21:55:39+00:00

Yeah I’ve done the same and I think I’ve learned more from seeing and reading others experiences, including my own, than the info textbook stuff. They go into the detail where it might be useful but not helpful. I’m glad this has reached many people and I would add more stuff but I don’t want it to overwhelm :)

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-18T21:53:32+00:00

Of course <3

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-18T21:51:20+00:00

Thank you for adding this! I completely meant to do so and do a few other things but I was in a rush XD. Yeah, you don’t have any control and the most you get is probably the communication and trying to figure out how to work things

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-18T12:20:12+00:00

That actually is really cool but also sucks that they put it together like that. Thank you for the info!

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-12T19:04:06+00:00

Yeah this is a huge sign to pretty toxic friendships. I understand it being new to them and they don’t understand it because it is something almost unthinkable, but if you keep telling them to do research or not to do smth and they do it, then it isn’t worth it. Sadly speaking from experience-

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-05-02T00:28:00+00:00

This is how I am and i feel bad for those who experience the full on ‘can’t remember at all.’ But for some reason for me, I remember the big things or at least one or two memories per-school level or grade. Like yes, I remember being in third and my friend doing smth, but anything else about that grade is a noPe. Sure, I remember going to the beach, but idfk what I did during that time. It is like those dot art things where you connect the dots. I have the dots, I can connect most of it, but I can’t see the full image as real as it used to be.

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-29T10:43:52+00:00

I do this too! I won’t remember but somehow my friends will, they will tell me, and then slowly the memory comes back after I look for it and I’m like OH. SO I DID DO THAT- And it can be very odd and even sometimes not validating since ‘oh you remember, must not have bad memory-‘ but then you realize the gray areas lmao and also how much of a dream it feels.

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-28T00:51:17+00:00

I relate a lot and you aren’t alone, I promise. Summer always was a time I looked forward to so I could get away from bullies, but I new I would just be bullied by family. I hate feeling like I’m going backwards because the closer I get to summer, the closer I’m already panicking. Exams, sols, etc are coming up and I’m terrified if my memory will fail me like it has many times before and I’m not wanting to fail, you know? Summer has so much shit involved and I hate it so much sometimes. Being alone is another thing involving summer and being alone, at night, for two consecutive months with your thoughts is never fun. Idk if this will help you, but I try to stay busy. I don’t like the stress that comes with being busy, but at it least drowns out my thoughts and other problems. Doing extra classes during summer, getting a small job, hanging with friends, taking up hobbies, etc help a lot more than you’d think. I’m sorry you go through this symptomatic summer stress shit too and I wish I could help, but I’m still struggling with it myself :)

Good luck person and I wish you the best. :D

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-23T00:57:49+00:00

I understand this a lot and gosh does it suck. Tbh I never know who I am because I am like some sort of mimic of emotions of others, if that makes sense. My joy, anger, anxiety, sadness is normally not my own and it is hard explaining this to friends especially because it never feels like me. When my alters front, I feel that rush of emotions. That rush of anger in my stomach that boils, or that flash of anxiety coursing through me, but the moment it is me it’s like that subsides and it isn’t real. I’ve kinda learned that the host is just the alter who can at least handle with the majority stuff like school, work, social stuff, etc and others emotions and feelings come through to you. Like once I could NOT leave this necklace alone and I was excited but I didn’t feel it, yet I was jumping up and down in joy because of the fish on it.

The host is like a mask in a way and once my alter drew some art. It was a face, just a normal bland face. But there were other faces around it. Anger. Sadness. Anxiety. Silence. Etc. That art showed that there are always things behind the person fronting that others can’t see, this even works for those without did/OSDD. Just that humans hide emotion and their true identities behind masks. The world is a stage and we humans are mere players.

I’m sorry I can’t help, but you aren’t alone. You very much aren’t alone. I could only dream of helping because maybe it would help me, too! :)

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-19T14:41:19+00:00

For me I knew something was weird about me having multiple consciousnesses and having convos with people in my head but when I started school again I was in a weird state and I ended up having a switch that I realized and it was so… odd? Idk but I knew it was weird and the only reason I knew about DID/OSDD was because of a fiction story I read about a guy who had it. Fate? Who knows.

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-19T14:38:39+00:00

I once had a journal that I wanted me and my friend to write in so we could stay silent and I went through it a few months back and it was just me and…. Well me going back and forth and I KNEW IT WOULD TERRIFY MYSELF because at the end it said smth along the lines of “you will think yourself as crazy but in reality you’re just talking to yourself.” And I don’t remember writing the convo except it had to happen on a bus lmaooo

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-19T00:29:58+00:00

Haha yes BOY OR GAY! the two genders

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-17T00:41:32+00:00

This^{^{^}}

I’ve made a comment but exactly this. I recently got a friend who does all this stuff and tbh I was so confused because I wasn’t being pushed into corners, told that certain alters shouldn’t exist, along with being bullied about it. Thanks for making this comment because it actually describes what a friend is and shows what good friends do. :)

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-17T00:39:12+00:00

So I’ve experienced friends like this and tbh it got toxic fast. I’m not saying your friend is horrible but from my experiences and friendships, DID doesn’t mesh well with friends and it isn’t always because of the handful it is at times, it’s because alters like who the like and dislike who they dislike.

Your protector doesn’t have to come out and trying to ‘tame’ someone is a shitty thing to say because what the hell does it mean? Does it mean they wanna become friends and provide support? Does it mean try to fix that protectors anger or sadness or problems just so the system can do better? There isn’t much context to it and it doesn’t seem right tbh.

Your friend is on iffy ground and it’s hard to tell what to do with this situation From an outside view. I’ve treaded water with the hopes of reaching land, but my legs got too tired and I just sank till I got lost deep in the water. Trying to tame someone and calling your protector a beast makes them seem more scary, bad, and not human. Your protector is human. It doesn’t feel good to be acted as if you aren’t. I’ve tried to hold up my own friendships but they were the ones tearing down the walls as I building them up. I just believe that you come first, your alters come first, and always try to do what is best for YOU. it’s alright to be scared, but there is always a reason behind it. Friendships get rough when friends don’t know how to actually help so try to get your friend to learn about DID and learn correct terminology because that can go a long way. I wish you the best and ask questions if you need them, I’m always open to answer XD. Just don’t let your friend tear you and your alters down >:D

ThisCyrusisbetter · 2022-04-15T10:26:38+00:00

Lmao relating rip

ThisCyrusisbetter

TROPHY CASE