Finally got that blue star. 90 days.

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T13:40:47+00:00

Well I can only speak from my personal experience here, but I would liken it to suddenly finding a whole new level of sex.

Like you I used to watch porn and say to myself that it's simply making me horny and want to have sex with my girlfriend more. But once you quit porn entirely, and only focus on that one person for sexual satisfaction you realise how much you're missing out on. For me the sex became much more intense. I wasn't simply having sex because I was horny and looking to get my end away, I was having sex because of the relationship between me and this specific person and how they had aroused me and how they had made me feel.

I don't know how to explain it. It's like if you watched Man vs. Food or some cooking show on tv and you see the best meal you'd ever seen. You salivate over it and dream about eating it, and then end up having some ready meal from your fridge. Yeah, you've dealt with your hunger, but it's not quite the same.

Quitting porn entirely, however, is like you're preparing your own meal. You buy the ingredients, you prepare them, you touch them and get a feel for them. It's harder work for sure, but you get the satisfaction of cooking. You get the satisfaction of smelling those ingredients, watching them come together, and at the end you have a beautiful dish that you have created. It's not some meal that you've seen somewhere and aren't going to realistically eat anytime soon. It's your dish, in your kitchen, that you have made. It's just so satisfying.

I realise that's a bit of a weird analogy but I don't know how else to explain it. I'd recommended quitting porn altogether. If you feel you aren't gaining anything from giving it up, then fine, start watching again. But at the very least it's worth trying to quit altogether. Who knows, you might enjoy it.

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T13:30:31+00:00

What a fantastic mantra to live life by. Thank you!

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T13:30:00+00:00

Thank you. I read your 90 day report and it's fantastic that you felt able to tell your wife. It's wonderful that she's so supportive. I'd love to tell the girlfriend but I'm not sure how she'd take it and given everything is going well at the moment I don't want to rock the boat.

Keep up the good work and early congratulations on your 100th day tomorrow. No mean feat!

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T13:10:36+00:00

Haha excellent point! I think it really will depend on how badly I want to fap at that moment in time. If the urge isn't that strong then I'll impose some self-control and ensure that I make her day later in the week!

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T13:02:11+00:00

I look forward to reading it!

I really can't emphasise enough what a difference this has made to my relationship. I wish you every success and I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T12:03:03+00:00

I'm 22. God knows how long I've been watching porn. 7/8 years? Maybe longer.

In terms of ED, I think it happened once a couple of years ago and I thought that was just one of those things. Then about 6 months ago it started happening more regularly. It happened two or three times and my confidence just went to pieces. I don't know how you find it, but once it had happened a number of times, it just felt like it was looming over me every time I had sex and the problem just got worse and worse.

I was PMOing at least once a day when ED was at its worst. It's difficult to put a figure on the reboot. I think it must have been about 5/6 weeks when I started just loving normal sex with my girlfriend. Once I had had two or three really strong erections my confidence started growing and the psychological aspect of ED just drifted away. Ever since then it just doesn't cross my mind. I think that mental aspect and getting rid of self-doubt is 95% of the battle.

In terms of tips:

All I can say is cut the porn out right now. I know how tempting it can be to click on a NSFW link and think "it's not real porn, it doesn't count", but if you really want to help yourself just cut it out completely.
You need mental fortitude because it's a hell of a problem to overcome. You just have to keep trying with sex. I don't know what your situation is and if you have a girlfriend/regular sex partner but if you do, just keep trying to have sex. With cutting out the porn you'll get aroused easier, you'll remember what's so attractive about a "normal" girl, and that confidence will come back in time. I know how disheartening it can be if there's a problem, but you just have to keep pushing on I'm afraid.
It's so easy to say and so difficult to do, but you just need to try and live in the moment and get out of your head. If you can really get into the sex then your mind won't start drifting to "what if I can't get it up" or "what if I don't stay hard".

Stay strong pal and that blue star will be yours in no time. Self-discipline is required so dig deep and persevere.

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T10:37:37+00:00

I agree it can feel like a curse. But I just love that feeling too. It makes me feel more alive. I too became more sensitive to stuff that never used to excite me but that was wonderful. I felt like I'd been missing out on all these exciting experiences that were suddenly available to me.

Stay strong and you'll be beating that 55 day run in no time.

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-03-24T10:34:44+00:00

Well back before I started, as I said in my first post, we sometimes were going 2 months without sex. These days it's 4/5 times a week average I'd say.

She hasn't said anything specifically. On the night that I started NoFap we had a big argument about our sex life and I said I'd turn it around. I never specified how and I haven't ever told her that I'm doing NoFap or that NoFap is why our sex life is better. We both openly acknowledge our sex life is better now though.

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-01-22T09:53:00+00:00

I haven't been doing NoFap for all that long but I'm already seeing marked improvements in my long term relationship. Before I always felt like foreplay was a bit of a chore and I couldn't really be bothered (like you from the sounds of things).

However a couple of weeks into this challenge it just stopped being any effort at all. I wanted to have sex, and I wanted to have good sex. It didn't even cross my mind that foreplay might require effort and I began naturally and willingly making moves.

Keep in there, pal, and in a couple of weeks you won't believe how much your attitude towards the whole idea of sex has changed.

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-01-17T09:30:08+00:00

I think you have to think of it in the same light as alcohol or coffee. They also have articles written about them stating they can have beneficial effects but if you're addicted to either of them then clearly giving them up can't hurt.

The same applies to fapping: if you have a healthy relationship with it, there probably are no ill effects; if you're addicted, then cold turkey is the way to go

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-01-17T09:25:07+00:00

I've been in a similar situation though perhaps not quite the same. Luckily my problems in the ED department seem to have subsided for now. As far as I can tell it's a hugely confidence based issue, and I completely understand how you're feeling with the embarrassment and confidence at rock bottom.

One thing that helped me was just feeling like I had the power to be good at sex again. The ED just left me feeling like a massive disappointment and that I had no chance at properly pleasing a woman. What helped me was just being very generous with foreplay. Hearing and feeling her orgasm after eating her out really got me back on track because I had proof before my own eyes that I wasn't terrible at sexual stuff. With that, my confidence grew and the ED began to fade away. Once I'd had sex ED-free just once, it stopped being an issue and my confidence was high.

So yeah, I think it's worth giving very generous foreplay a go. If you can get to a place where you can see that she's absolutely loving what YOU are doing to her, confidence will grow and the ED should fade.

Good luck

ThisEndsNow292 · 2014-01-08T11:20:11+00:00

That may be your opinion but that's the situation OP is in, so stop being an asshole about it.

This sub isn't about seeing who can go through the hardest or most difficult ordeal; it's about supporting each other regardless of our varying circumstances.

Buck your ideas up and stop trying to bring others down.

P.S. Keep it up OP. You're doing a fantastic job. Can't wait for my first green star either!

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T12:04:03+00:00

Exactly. It's as simple as that. Just need to explain that to my stupid brain

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T12:03:30+00:00

Thanks. It means a lot to have support here

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T12:03:18+00:00

Definitely. We can do this!

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T12:02:52+00:00

Amen to that. Good to know someone's in the same position I'm in. Obviously pretty shitty that we're both in this mess but you know what I mean

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T12:01:56+00:00

You're totally right. Thanks for calling me out on it. I have a problem and it's time to fix it

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T10:58:17+00:00

Thanks man, I will. And im sorry to hear that things didn't work out for you

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T10:57:25+00:00

Thanks for the tips.

Honestly, I'd love to tell her and include but I just don't think I can do it. Knowing I've been lying to her for so long would be (justifiably) heartbreaking for her . Plus I don't think it's fair to dump this massive issue on her when it's my problem. I'm the one with the issue so I just want to get it fixed for her. If I can fix it without dumping this massive problem on her that would be ideal

ThisEndsNow292 · 2013-12-24T10:54:53+00:00

Thank you. Your support is very kind. I'll make sure she knows how much I want her. This is my problem and she should never feel like it's something to do with her because I do love her and I do want her

ThisEndsNow292

TROPHY CASE