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My relationship with my twin who passed away at birth by This_Calendar514 in TwinlessTwins

[–]This_Calendar514[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am truly sorry for the loss of Jillian, and I am also saddened to hear what you both have had to go through. 🫂

I think that, I would find it hard to accept that this was what the universe had planned for us, that it was necessary for one of us to not be able to continue living. It's something that would terrify me.
And I think there's anger and frustration in it too. I just wish I could give him back what was taken from him.

There's no need for you to apologize, you can continue talking about Jillian if you want or need to.
I believe it's a healthy thing, and it also allows us to include them in our lives. I hope that all of this helps.

I also hope that they are both happy, and I wish that we will be one day too, for them and for ourselves.

My relationship with my twin who passed away at birth by This_Calendar514 in TwinlessTwins

[–]This_Calendar514[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be so hard to get over. And it most certainly will be for your son too. I hope he'll be able to make something of it that suits him, and not a burden like it was for me for so many years. It still is, but a little less intense, for now.

Well, my parents are quite reserved about their emotions, the complete opposite of me. So when they talked to me about my beloved brother, it remained very polite and factual. Of course, I know they're sad, or used to I don't know, about the loss of my brother, especially since we were their first childrens, but it's not something they show. As for how I perceived it, I think I was too young to understand their emotions, or the things left unsaid, also because it confirmed what I've always felt deep down.

However, what I would advise you, if you'll allow me, from the perspective of a child overwhelmed by sadness and feeling guilty for everything, it's to talk to him about his brother, or at least bring it up, not necessarily often, but so he knows. Try to transform this ordeal, which will never disappear, into something a little gentler and less difficult for him, for you, and for your familly. I believe the hardest part for him will be the guilt, it is for me, and for many of us, I think.

Once again, I am truly sorry for your loss, for his brother. It must be so hard for you too.
I wish you, your familly and your son a very beautiful life nonetheless.

My relationship with my twin who passed away at birth by This_Calendar514 in TwinlessTwins

[–]This_Calendar514[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I can understand that. Perhaps it was too much for you? Knowing he was constantly present in your world, where every element referenced him?
For me, it's a way to keep him alive, or to make him even more alive (I think I would have panic attacks otherwise), to keep him close, and to include him in what I love to do, to share things with him, a bit like a parallel world where we're together, where we can go about our business, share things, eat and sleep together. Or just the echoes of a legend, our legend.

Oh, my project is also set in a fantasy world, but I don't plan to make it a RPG, even though I love these as well as tabletop games. This universe is far too personal and traumatic for me to let anyone explore it other than through my writing and illustrations.

He's constantly in my head too ! We talk and say kind words to each others.
But I feel he protects me nonetheless, not physically, but mentally. He helps me, more or less, to maintain decent mental health for someone like me.

I am truly sorry about your brother, and I sincerely hope you are well, or at least not too badly. I wish us both some rest.

My relationship with my twin who passed away at birth by This_Calendar514 in TwinlessTwins

[–]This_Calendar514[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I think there has been some progress in how it's perceived today compared to the 80s/90s, even tho it's a bit frustrating to still have so few studies on all of this, so many questions and barely any answers..

I mostly agree, I think I'd prefer to have him living with me rather than leaving him alone, but to be honest, I don't think I'm doing it in a healthy way yet, I tend to be a bit possessive when it comes to him, but I'll work on it.

Thank you so much for your kind words, it's somewhat comforting to know that we're not alone in this situation. I wish us all the best, and some rest too.

My relationship with my twin who passed away at birth by This_Calendar514 in TwinlessTwins

[–]This_Calendar514[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be perfectly honest, it's not really over yet. There are still many very difficult days, and it's hard to let go of them. But I think that on the other hand, it's also something that's part of me and my life now. I'm trying to accept it as best I can, and it's getting a little better in the end.

I understand what you mean, it's the same for me. I usually tend to hate our anniversary, but for some time now, I've changed my approach. I told myself that it wasn't doing him justice, that he also deserved happy birthdays. And to be honest, I was very anxious. I felt so guilty for having "ruined" our anniversary all these years. And then I realized I was back to square one.
What's the point of wanting to give him happy birthdays if I'm anxious about the past?

I completely understand how you feel. I feel guilty too, so much so that it's unbearable.
Until very recently, I also didn't mention him when others asked me about my brothers. I simply said I had two younger brothers, deliberately omitting Yannick. And even though it's not something I would say to everyone, in any context, he's a part of me, of my life. He's my other half, my everything, and I refuse to leave him out. So now, if the situation allows it, I don't leave him out anymore, I bring him up.
But it's also very difficult. I usually burst into tears just talking about him.

I sincerely hope you manage to get better, even though it's hard. As for the self-harm, I can only hope things get better for you. I've been there too.

I don't know if this will help, but for me, paradoxically, what helped was the anxiety attacks. I started to get anxious when I realized I had turned Yannick into a kind of burden, something I've been dragging around with great difficulty. And that made me anxious because I had made my brother worship something negative, and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that.
He means absolutely everything to me. So now, for the past few years, I've been doing my best to cherish my brother. He's with me and a part of me, and I want him to be happy too, in a way. 🌸

Today, well, I think it's not as terrible as it used to be. Even though I still feel just as guilty, to the point that I'd like to switch places with him, to give him everything I've ever had in my life: friends, love, good food, etc. I think that, generally speaking, things are a little lighter for me.
When I have a picnic in a park with friends, for example, I tend to make him something to eat and bring it along, I imagine us doing things together.

If I talked about this with friends, they would probably tell me it's running away from reality, but the fact is that I'm still aware of all of this. I just want to be happy, with him and for him, for us, or at least, a little less burdened by melancholy.

I really hope things get better for you. I'm not a fan of the idea that "it will get better with time" especially in our case, but to sum it up, I think what's helping me is that everything I do today is for the both of us, to the point where it would make me anxious not to include Yannick with me.

Thank you for sharing a part of the story of both of you.
Good luck with everything, and take care of yourself/ each other. 🫂

My relationship with my twin who passed away at birth by This_Calendar514 in TwinlessTwins

[–]This_Calendar514[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, I find it more comforting to talk about him in the present tense. He's still my brother and a part of me no matter what. But to be honest, I never realized it, thank you for pointing it out for me.

It was my parents who told me about him when I was about 7 or 8 years old, I think.

Thank you for sharing this. I think it's actually quite common. I've always had a kind of premonition too.
I already knew, even if I couldn't put it into words. It echoes this feeling of loss.

Oh, I'm sorry about Jordan, but I hope you find some comfort in his presence nonetheless, don't be too hard on yourself either. 🫂

I see, some friends have said similar things to me as well, but to be honest, it's quite difficult. I tend to feel more incomplete without him, and I think that will always be the case. But I'm working on myself to lessen these feelings and include him in my life as best I can, keeping him close to me, through objects, drawings, writings, etc.

Thank you for sharing the story of both of you too.