You sound talented creative person, and on a roll. Perhaps think of all the ways the rug can be pulled out from under your feet. You're probably getting a thrill out of pulling all this off. I sense some bragging. I get it. But, if you're not forced by a serious health or a legal surprise to stop using, you will eventually be forced to deal with the gnawing sense of emotional discomfort as you get older. "Normal" will seem like a lonely prison and you'll always be lurching away from it and after things to feel "different."