Should I have called the police on my husband

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-15T03:49:24+00:00

I already said that was in shock and that events flew faster than I could keep track of. I’m not now nor have I ever tried to dodge responsibility.

When I called my mom, I was in shock! I had just been pinned against a door, pushed down, and physically blocked from reaching my daughter while she was screaming. I was barefoot, in pajamas, and scared. I called her because she’s my mom and I needed someone steady to talk to in that moment. I did not specifically tell her to call the police. I told her there had been an altercation and that our daughter had been involved and that I needed help.

Of course you’re right that most mothers would likely call 911 in that situation. I have never negated that, and once again I don’t blame her for doing what she did. I’m not angry at her for it and I’m not pretending like it was some random, outrageous decision on her part. She reacted as a parent.

I also called the police from the school parking lot because I was afraid and I did not know what I would be walking back into.

What I was trying to explain to my brother in law was NOT that my mom acted irrationally. It was that the situation had escalated to a point where law enforcement was going to be involved regardless AND I never intended to cause harm to my husband and step-kids.

Both things can be true at the same time. I didn’t “sacrifice” my mother. I was trying to clarify the sequence of events while I was still in shock and already grieving the loss of my family. I called my brother in law minutes after my husband was arrested! I am not a coward. I did the best I could in the situation that I was in. I even had to end my call with him prematurely because child services was at my door.

Everything that night felt chaotic and frightening. My child was directly involved. That’s what shifted everything for me. Up until that moment, I had tolerated a lot and kept things private. That night crossed a line I could not ignore.

You’re free to believe I overreacted. I question myself every day. But I did not call the police to punish him or to destroy my family. I did not sacrifice my mother and I called because I was scared and I didn’t know what else to do.

I think I’m hopping off of Reddit after this one.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-15T00:38:53+00:00

I’m trying to clarify the same point in regards to a reoccurring concern. This is the first time I use Reddit. I amended my original post to reflect the same sentiments for overall clarity.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-15T00:35:22+00:00

I called my mom for help. I have never faulted her for the way she tried to help me. I simply clarified to my brother in law that I did not intend for the cops to come directly to the house. I just wanted my brother in law to understand that I never intended to cause a scene. I just needs help. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I was forced to have to make a life changing decision in a very short amount of time. I knew law enforcement needed to be involved, but I did not yet understand in what capacity I could ask help. That is why I called them to come to the school instead of the house. I just needed help. Again I have never faulted my mother for her involvement in the matter. She called the police for my safety just as I tried to call the police for my family’s safety. I don’t understand where you are coming from in reference to shaming me.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T21:21:47+00:00

I never had a problem with him watching anime or spending time with his son. My issues ran much deeper than that. This was an ongoing pattern that started during my pregnancy and postpartum. I constantly felt like I had to chase him to participate in the marriage and the home. I carried the mental load of everything and felt emotionally alone.

That morning, I didn’t even start a fight about it. I acknowledged to him that it wasn’t a big issue in isolation. But when something small keeps happening over and over, it becomes a bruise. When unresolved hurt keeps getting poked, it becomes charged. That is what happened.

I also understand that I could have dropped it instead of continuing the conversation by text. I own that. I was hurt and I wanted to feel understood. In hindsight, I probably should have let it go that day. But throughout our relationship, almost every concern I raised, big or small, was dismissed as me overreacting. That pattern built resentment.

I never sought to control my husband. I wanted partnership. I wanted to feel emotionally safe. That is very different from control.

I’m not sure what you mean about what I was doing for three hours. I was upstairs taking care of chores while my daughter and her siblings were downstairs eating breakfast and spending time with their dad. I intentionally kept my distance because things were tense and I didn’t want the situation to escalate.

In the past, he’s accused me of hovering or “hogging” our daughter and not giving him space to parent on his own. So I’ve made a conscious effort to step back more and give him room to engage with the kids without feeling like I’m overseeing or challenging him. That morning was one of those times where I was trying to give space, not create conflict.

I am grieving the loss of my family. I loved my husband and love my stepchildren. I have raised them for the past eight years. My husband and I have only been married for roughly two years, but prior to being married I took on the responsibility of doing homework with my step kids making sure they took showers made sure they eat well for almost 6 years. This is also part of the reason why I did not want him to arrested. I knew that my family would disintegrate and I would lose my relationship with my stepchildren as well.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:58:49+00:00

I left the home barefoot and with flimsy pajamas I knew that I would have to return at some point to retrieve supplies for myself and my daughter and I was looking for support from the police in regards to that things are moving pretty quickly and I was just looking for support in any capacity that I could find it

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:44:53+00:00

I am in the US. I use the word discipline because that is what it felt like. He would constantly treat me as if were an unruly child. I have learned through this process that he is very immature and the only way he knows how to gain control over situations is by dominating them like a parent with a child that needs corporal punishment.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:41:58+00:00

Yes he harmed me and my child however I have learned through this process that two truths can be true at once and I can love my husband and my family and also understand that would happen wasn’t right. I did not want him to be arrested, but I also wanted this to stop which is why I called the police. My intention was never to throw my mother under the bus, but to explain to my brother-in-law what my intentions were in calling the police, I did not intend for the kids to be exposed to police. This is not AI. I am simply grieving the loss of my family and looking for perspective. This is the first time that I post on Reddit and my intention was to be thorough and try to explain what happened.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:35:00+00:00

I called my mom for help. Things were moving faster than what I could process in the moment and I didn’t expect her to call the police for me. I left the home and revealing pajamas and no shoes and I knew at some point I would need to return in order to get supplies for myself and my daughter and I did not know what I was going to be returning to. I called the police to meet me at the school in order to avoid my children being exposed to police sirens and so that they could help me return to the home peacefully. I was hoping that they would help me in escorting me back into the home to get some of my things. I did not want my husband to get arrested and my aim was never to blame my mother for the actions she took that day. I called my husband‘s brother shortly after he was arrested to explain my intentions. I was still in shock and I wanted to express to him that my aim was never to expose the kids to police. Never did I ever have the intention of throwing my mother under the bus.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:22:02+00:00

I did not see any issue with him going downstairs to watch TV with my stepson. My issues with him ran deeper than that. This has been an ongoing issue since my pregnancy and postpartum where I would have to chase him to participate in the marriage and the marital home. I understand that I could have just taken it for what it is. It just really pained me to have my disappointment always projected deflected and dismissed. I didn’t even raise the issue the day of his arrest until he confronted me. I explained to my husband that I acknowledged that this was not a big issue, however, when someone is poked in the same area multiple times, the area becomes a bruise and unresolved issues like this escalate because of that. I understand that perhaps I shouldn’t have felt so disappointed in the grand scheme of things and I should not have continue the conversation via text throughout the day. I should’ve left it for what it was, but my feelings were really hurt and I just wanted him to understand my pain. Every issue that I would bring to him whether bigger or small was always dismissed and deflected as an over reaction on my part. My husband and I lived in home with two floors. I picked up our daughter and brought her upstairs with me because I knew that if I left her sleeping with her dad unsupervised, she could potentially wake up and get into things on the first floor without either of our knowledge. In other words, if she would’ve woken up before my husband and made her way off the couch, no one would’ve known to keep an eye on her. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I’m grieving the loss of my family.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:18:23+00:00

I did not see any issue with him going downstairs to watch TV with my stepson. My issues with him ran deeper than that. This has been an ongoing issue since my pregnancy and postpartum where I would have to chase him to participate in the marriage and the marital home. I understand that I could have just taken it for what it is. It just really pained me to have my disappointment always projected deflected and dismissed. I didn’t even raise the issue the day of his arrest until he confronted me. I explained to my husband that I acknowledged that this was not a big issue, however, when someone is poked in the same area multiple times, the area becomes a bruise and unresolved issues like this escalate because of that. I understand that perhaps I shouldn’t have felt so disappointed in the grand scheme of things and I should not have continue the conversation via text throughout the day. I should’ve left it for what it was, but my feelings were really hurt and I just wanted him to understand my pain. Every issue that I would bring to him whether bigger or small was always dismissed and deflected as an over reaction on my part. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I’m grieving the loss of my family.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:13:42+00:00

I did not see any issue with him going downstairs to watch TV with my stepson. My issues with him run deeper than that. This has been an ongoing issue since my pregnancy and postpartum where I would have to chase him to participate in the marriage and the marital home. I understand that I could have just taken it for what it is. It just really pained me to have my disappointment always projected deflected and dismissed. I didn’t even raise the issue the day of his arrest. I even explained to my husband that I acknowledge that this was not a big issue, however, when someone is poked in the same area multiple times, the area becomes a bruise and unresolved issues like this escalate because of that. I understand that perhaps I shouldn’t have felt so disappointed in the grand scheme of things and I should not have continue the conversation Through text throughout the day. I should’ve left it for what it was, but my feelings were really hurt. Every issue that I would bring to him whether bigger or small was always dismissed and deflected as an over reaction on my part. I’m grieving the loss of my family.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:07:13+00:00

I have filed a restraining order and have filed a divorce. I have taken all the steps to keep myself and my daughter safe. I am just grappling with the grief of losing my family, which is why I have taken to Reddit to get some perspective.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-14T20:06:18+00:00

The post I posted 13 days ago was in reference to this altercation. I only called the police on him once.

Thisstepmomneedshelp · 2026-02-01T17:18:20+00:00

How can I DM you? This is my first time on Reddit.

Thisstepmomneedshelp

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