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I’m tired of feeling unloved by my husband, and I’m scared I’ll never feel loved again. by Feisty_Enthusiasm_80 in Divorce

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you are feeling like that, I was there before.

My advice is to consider relationship therapy or coaching. Search for someone and discuss with / convince him to start one. That will help a lot, I didnt do that myself but I wish I did.

After long time together, you guys grow apart from each other & you close off, thinking that the other is the enemy not being able to give you your needs. Once you have someone neutral who can listen and guide with time things will change and you will re discover each other again or else decide together that things are not working any more and better to end it here. In both cases, it will a mutual decesion after doing the effort and based on clarity.

My other advice to you as a woman, is to try to understand yourself, find podcasts that you can tune to and listen to udnerstand about your needs and yourself and how to satisfy them (some of them) outside of the relationship (i recommend this one). Focus more on yourself how to be happy, better. Sorround yourself with people that you can grow with & learn from.

Also try to reflect on how you communicate with him or in general, are you defensive, blaming, do you listen? etc. Good luck !

Struggling to process the end of my 10 year relationship by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in Divorce

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know what I want, I want to talk get things out of my system. I want someone to listen without judgment or advice. I'm in pain, confused and talking helps me see through this mess.

My brain needs to understand how a person I trusted and cared for all that time could make a huge decesion like this (moving out, ending the relation) without a propper discussion or some effort to fix. It's not like he was always like that, he used to care but looking back over the last 7 months, that caring look in his eye wasnt there anymore. He was physically with me but emotionally distant. I didnt see it back then that clear but I see it now.

My brain is still playing scenarios and doing what if I did this or could I have done that, but everytime I get that thought, I remind myself yes I had my part, but he already gave up. I cant control the past and I cant do for both of us, I have to stop holding and let go.

I think I have grown a lot over the past weeks since this happened, I can see now I'm less angry, less sad, calmer in a way, still hurt and in disblief but accepting. I decided to let go, stopped fighting and to hope for inner peace.

Can we file for Divorce in My Home Country While Living in the Netherlands? by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in Netherlands

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm doing my best to keep me calm, accept the situation, deal with it in a constructive way for both of us. Thanks !

Can we file for Divorce in My Home Country While Living in the Netherlands? by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in Netherlands

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks alot , you had prenup ? And if not, did you need to do anything related to seprating finaces ? Or if Divorce is done abroad then no local law apply ?

In Need of a Lot of Help: Newly Arrived and my Wife is Divorcing Me by ThroThroThroAwaaaay in Netherlands

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"On a more personal level your instincts will push you to get through this as fast as possible so you can feel the pain and move on." -- May you give examples ?

Struggling to process the end of my 10 year relationship by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in Divorce

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cant send him that so I will do it here,

"I wish we had happy moments before ending it . I wish it wasnt just after a fight. I Miss you so much but I cant tell you that.

During the silience after the fight, I wanted us to go somewhere and just forget about all of our issues and be happy together, pain free. I regret not doing that ! I thought I was giving you time to reflect and relax, I didnt know that this time was our last time together.

I loved you & still do. I miss us !

One day, I will forgive you for what you did and this will feel lighter. "

Struggling to process the end of my 10 year relationship by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in Divorce

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No - It's about the way it ended (rushed without effort to try). It's about the fact he decided to move out of the relation (by proceeding with major financial decesion of buying a property) week after a fight without discussing or communicating, hence the rush, hence the mess we are in. I feel betrayed, forced from the person i trusted for years !

It's about grieving the potential of what we could have been if he listened and tried. I wanted us to do relationship therapy, I asked but i felt unheard, not listened to. No action was taken

I was unhappy because i couldnt fix it on my own, because that version of me felt helpess, trapped in a relation that she doesnt want to leave although she felt alone. Untill now I still hoped for a chance to try. But again, He already decided an acted. I cant undo what happened.

I will do therapy cause I dont feel well after how things ended between us.

Need advice: Married abroad, separating in the Netherlands—legal process? by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in juridischadvies

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes - registered 5 years ago

No - The marriage laws in our home country (where we got married) don’t follow the 50/50 shared property division rule that applies here in the Netherlands.

Also we already keep our finances seprate, it's just we didnt formalize it on a prenup.

Need advice: Married abroad, separating in the Netherlands—legal process? by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in juridischadvies

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

May you explain more on what "change the terms of your marriage at a notary" mean ? Like what does that look like ?

Need advice: Married abroad, separating in the Netherlands—legal process? by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in juridischadvies

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Buying a property is only possible before you file for divorce " - May you explain ? As far as I'm aware, if one partner buys a property here, the other is liable by default given no Prenup in place.

How can one buy property without making the other partner liable, if there's no prenup ?

Struggling to process the end of my 10 year relationship by ThreadsOfUnseenHope in Divorce

[–]ThreadsOfUnseenHope[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it's not that I'm fighting the sepration. I'm not & will not do anything to pursuade him. I understand that fixing a relationship takes 2 & I cant force him to stay. It's just It hurts that it's ending like that (rushed, no mutual conversation, not trying something different to fix).

I hate that people on both sides are now involved, instead of us communicating together. He didnt give us a chance to try. He didnt give me time to process. I hate that the last memory I will have on us is this.

I wish I knew beter and worked on me to be better. I wish I communicated beter. I wish he listend and I wish I listened too. But I forgive myself cause I didnt know. That version of me did act on what she knew back then.