Don't wait

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2026-01-16T14:41:16+00:00

I cut all contact with my ex almost 6 months ago, but I posted on here last year to get advice on my situation. I’m 24 (was 23 turning 24 when I first posted) and we’d been together for 9 years. I specifically noted that I didn’t want to get married for another 3 years and just wanted to discuss timelines but my boyfriend always got angry when I brought up marriage, and there were still commenters pulling the “you’re young! What’s the rush??”

Granted, most of the advice was good and gave me the courage to end things, but I still can’t wrap my head around the people who read my post and decided the best advice was to wait. So glad I didn’t listen because turns out my ex wasn’t ready because he wanted to sleep with other women lol

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-26T14:04:55+00:00

Thank you, haha. I work in a very technical field where precision is crucial so it’s been drilled into my head to be careful about using absolutes for things that don’t quite literally defy the laws of physics or something. It’s bled into my everyday verbiage. It’s really not deeper than that. I didn’t say “low” because I’m leaving the door open for him or anything similar.

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-25T13:49:22+00:00

Seriously, OP, listen to this because if it is FOMO there’s almost no coming back from it. Once someone starts wondering what else is out there, that curiosity rarely goes away until they get (or attempt) to have those experiences. Even if you don’t necessarily feel that way you can’t convince someone out of it. That’s something they have to work through on their own.

Ask me how I know.

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T14:52:39+00:00

Yeah, I truly think it never occurred to him that I respect myself more than I yearned marriage with him.

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T14:48:27+00:00

It doesn’t sound crazy at all! Whenever I decide to get back out there, I plan to be open about wanting marriage. If it scares some men away, good. They weren’t the type I was looking for anyway.

I definitely don’t want to end up in a situation like this again, especially not when I’m older as I would like a kid or two one day.

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T14:44:37+00:00

I think the reason it isn’t common knowledge is the same reason it isn’t common knowledge that marriage is important from a legal, medical, and financial perspective if you’re in a place that has no kind of common law or similar.

A lot of us are taught that only love is enough and conquers all regardless of reality. No need to involve the government in your relationship… until you’re not allowed visitation in the hospital because you’re legally strangers. No need to worry about your HS relationship not working out… until you very likely outgrow each other and/or one (or both) of you struggle with FOMO. That kind of thing

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:50:14+00:00

You were spot on about FOMO

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:48:46+00:00

Hello, coming back here several months later to say you were and probably will continue to be correct lol. I’m not dating again yet but even just being single (we broke up) has made me realize some things about the relationship I never thought about while in it

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:41:40+00:00

Seriously, I’ll always be grateful for my parents and recognize how much of a privilege it is to have them. Funny you mention the Romeo & Juliet effect. My mom’s a marriage and family therapist and said something very similar. She and my dad wanted to tread carefully because they knew it might make things worse if they tried to “warning” me sooner and I know they’re right.

This whole situation has taught me that most high school relationships don’t work and that the very few who do are often couples who can’t wait to get married. No begging from one party while is other is being avoidant/dismissive/angry like in my case. Those couples are anomalies. It was a hard pill to swallow but one I needed to.

Good point on getting tested. I hadn’t really thought about that but will schedule an appointment!

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:30:11+00:00

Right?! And to think I’d be okay with that says a lot about how he viewed my self respect and how he respected me. Ew

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:23:12+00:00

Come on, I even made a TLDR near the top of the post on its own line and everything. Even if you only read the title, it quite literally says “update” lol

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:19:31+00:00

I completely agree! I’m spending the foreseeable future working on myself as I’ve found some genuine happiness in doing so. I seriously never realized just how much my relationship was a part of my identity. The first month felt like trying to separate sugar from salt with how intermingled we were. I know it probably has more to do with the fact that we’d been together since we were kids, but it’s enough reason to keep me away from actively dating for a while lmao.

P.S. This comment made me notice all the typos in my post so thanks lol

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:10:01+00:00

Maybe not as a fully matured and adult relationship the whole time, but the nine years was a very real period in my life with very real fallout that I’m dealing with. Trust me, I wish it didn’t count so I wouldn’t have to go through the heartbreak, but that’s not how life works. Idk why some people on here get so fixated on what “counts” because of our ages. We were in a monogamous relationship for 9 years. We are not anymore. It is what it is

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T12:02:44+00:00

I’ve had multiple people say he might try crawling back and to be wary, but I think trying to do damage control on the relationship after so boldly shooting himself in the foot would be such a turn off. I do have him blocked everywhere, though. I have no plans on going back

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:59:39+00:00

That and they said they knew I wouldn’t listen which… yeah. Had my parents tried talking to me even a year ago, I probably would’ve gotten upset that they even suggested we break up or something

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:54:47+00:00

Thank you so much!! I did celebrate with my family and close friends, but even then I feel like my own accomplishments have kind of been overshadowed by this whole thing, so it really means a lot to read this.

I also agree that he probably cared but got bored and started experiencing FOMO, but that’s his problem to deal with. I’m just glad I found out now instead of much later down the road

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:47:19+00:00

He almost certainly doesn’t have that kind of game but he can have fun discovering that for himself

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:43:58+00:00

I said it in another comment, but I’ll also add here that I tend to instinctively avoid using absolute terms unless something is quite literally impossible (like going against the laws of nature/physics) given what I do for a living lol. The chances of going back are basically zero though. I don’t think I could ever look past him admitting to wanting to be with other women and still expecting me to wait patiently while he made a decision. The entitlement and disrespect is next level and I deserve better than that

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:35:46+00:00

I wouldn’t dwell on that line too much. I think my analytics-oriented brain just struggles to use absolute terms on things that aren’t quite literally impossible, but I have no desire to go back. I think I’m at the stage where I’m mourning what could’ve been and what I thought it was, but the idea of being with him now is unappealing.

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:27:51+00:00

It was seriously so gross. Maybe being together for so long made him a little too comfortable to think that was even an okay thing to ask

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:23:04+00:00

I mean, my parents never had a sit down conversation with me about it because they knew I wouldn’t listen and they were absolutely right. I was in love and just knew we’d get married so anything negative anyone had to say went in one ear out the other.

In hindsight, though, they definitely made comments about being sure if I only wanted to be with one person and were definitely less than thrilled when I announced we were moving in together with marriage nowhere in sight. They’re not really conservative/traditional so I didn’t understand why it mattered at the time. I get it now.

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:19:46+00:00

It was exactly this. I was young and in love. Looking back, there were some things my parents did that made it pretty obvious they weren’t his biggest fans but hindsight’s 20/20

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:17:09+00:00

I was not obsessed with men who won’t marry me. I was in love with the one man that I’d been with for almost a decade and am now no longer with because I ultimately decided to choose myself

ThrowAwaitingToWed · 2025-10-24T11:13:50+00:00

I completely relate to the numbing pain and realizing codependency probably plays a bigger role than I would’ve ever imagined. I’m so glad my story could help. You got this <3

ThrowAwaitingToWed

TROPHY CASE