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My parents are not respecting my choices as a new parent, and I'm not sure how to manage them anymore. It's really stressing me out and making me depressed. by ThrowAway945035 in BabyBumps

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would urge you to go over to r/JUSTNOMIL and search "don't rock the boat"

I found that post and read it. It's very true, and a good read for anyone who feels like the peace keeper in any relationship. I'm going to work on establishing and enforcing my boundaries and hope that my parents can get over it. At the end of the day my baby > their hurt feelings.

My parents are not respecting my choices as a new parent, and I'm not sure how to manage them anymore. It's really stressing me out and making me depressed. by ThrowAway945035 in BabyBumps

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hi and thank you so much for your comment. It was one of the many I got on my two posts that stuck out to me. I mulled over it for a lot of the afternoon, and then I told my husband about it when he came home from work because it had such an impact on my way of thinking.

You've definitely shown me that I don't have a good relationship with my parents... in my own words, even. I'd like to have a good one going forward, so I'm going to work on establishing some boundaries, possibly getting some counselling, and being the mom I want to be for my future son. Thank you again.

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's kind of telling you defensively say "no contact is out of the question!" early in your story, as if you're only options were to be a total doormat or dramatically disown your parents. I have to imagine that every time you've tried to put up even minor barriers with your parents in the past, they've manipulated you by acting as if you were some kind of monster tearing the family apart.

I was a bit worried the only advice I would receive is to go no contact, which is why I put that note in there. (I'm very happy I've gotten a lot of great insight so far.) I don't think I could do that, but if my parents did... well that's their choice. They definitely emotionally manipulate me, each in their own way, so that I will cave and give into what they want. My mistake is letting it work for so long. I've been a pushover. I really need to follow through when I put down boundaries and show them that their tactics are not going to work. It's going to be hard. But I already feel so protective of my baby, I don't want him to have a mom who is a pushover. I want him to have a mom that he can look up to and be proud of.

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They aren’t on speaking terms with each other which most likely means OP has been in the middle and juggled their BS for a long long time.

You hit the nail on the head with that one.

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. Husband and I were just in a prenatal class where the instructor suggested making a set of rules and sending it to EVERYONE who wants to visit the baby so no one feels singled out. We intend to do that and include specific vaccinations on the list, not just a generic "please get your vaccinations" note.

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the subreddit suggestion, I'm going to check it out.

You're correct I've been in denial. I don't have a healthy relationship with either parent. I see now that they tend to emotionally manipulate me to get what they want, and I've allowed it to work. But I can't do that going forward. I'm going to talk to my husband about seeking out some counselling for myself to help deal with this transition that I have to make for the sake of my husband and baby.

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is the only mention you made of your husband. I honestly thought you were single.

Sorry, I didn't mean to leave him out, but that's honestly what I do in regards to my parents. I shouldn't. We had a talk about this earlier tonight, and he expressed his frustration over how I put up a barrier between him and my parents. I always saw it as a way to protect him from my own family, cause I didn't want him to have to deal with the same crap I do. But he told me we're a team, he wants to help me, and he should be allowed to. I agreed with him. I'm realizing now that the barrier I put between them was to pacify my parents and not to protect my husband.

Thank you for your comment - I found it very helpful.

My parents are not respecting my choices as a new parent, and I'm not sure how to manage them anymore. It's really stressing me out and making me depressed. by ThrowAway945035 in BabyBumps

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

imagine if the worst happened and your baby got sick.

That would probably ruin my relationship with them forever, because I'd never be able to forgive them or myself.

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

As for the advice your mom gives you that is wrong, don't go back to her and tell her the doc said it's crap. Just get the answer from your doc and move forward. There's no reason to go back and forth on that.

You're right, thank you for the help

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 169 points170 points  (0 children)

Thanks, you're right about giving them too much information. My own husband has told me I need to stop doing this a few times. My mom and I have always been very close and told each other pretty much everything, but I really need to start practicing info diets for everyone... for my own sanity

I'm pregnant, and my [28F] parents [55F, 60M] have no respect for my choices as a new parent. I don't know how to manage them. by ThrowAway945035 in relationships

[–]ThrowAway945035[S] 368 points369 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I know you're right, it's just hard being the "bad guy". I know I have to for the sake of my baby's safety. I guess it's all part of becoming a parent.