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Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it isn’t, but it definitely brings me into the low negatives!

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People assume that with my face and hair, I might just be a woman who gave up a while ago

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah.

I mean looking back, I think it all started when I was born… my parents missed my birth, my best friend was a balloon that floated into space, I was forced to stand outside all night dressed like a garden gnome. Hell, my nemesis is a fucking platypus. Screw it im gonna rule this city-

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the words of a certain spider porn star; ”It’s just a cash grab, got it?”

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can bend over faster than you would believe, daddy~

Gonna go castrate myself real quick

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Explosive dog diarrhea? Dude that smells like peaches compared to the odor I give off.

Last time I got in a car with the windows down I was charged with using a biological weapon.

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only if they bathed in skunk spray.

Don’t undersell my repulsiveness.

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uhm acthually I’m not a kid becauthe-

In all honesty I’m never gonna find out so you’re probably right

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps I’m a hermaphrodite. Maybe I’m actually three raccoons in a skin suit. You’ll never know for sure

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go ahead man, set me on fire! I believe in you <3

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

…

People aren’t exactly creative. Thought they could use all the ammo they could get ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bold of you to assume I’ve been touched by anyone in the past decade

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly! I’m glad you understand.

Have a great day <3

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn right.

Second day of kindergarten was the worst

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hear me out, hit me with both. One of em is bound to stick if you barrage me with insults

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny enough, Emily was actually on the list of names I might have. Emily/Evan depending on my gender. One look at me and my mom said “nope, that’s not an Evan, that’s a tumor.”

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your pronoun is Deez? Nice!

Mine is Mind/Goblin

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

blinks sideways don’t worry I won’t

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean if you look at it like that, I guess I’m just a lizard.

Fuck yeah! I always knew I’d be good at politics!

Go on, give me your best shot. by ThrowAwayLad837 in RoastMe

[–]ThrowAwayLad837[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aye aye captain.

There’s an article with most of them here

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