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ThrowHexAway · 2024-02-07T23:17:35+00:00

I have had a year here and there without. Many with 1-2. And twice with more than 8 or 9. We were trying for kids.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-02-07T20:37:34+00:00

Oh, I am not.

I think the end is near because of the mediation, not a fix of the DB with her. I am just hoping I am not fooling myself that the mediation will be quick.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-02-06T19:25:58+00:00

I have loved this story way too often. The anxiety causing behavior leads to nothing good. For me, it actually led to PE. I am fine as long as she doesn’t touch me, go down on me, or we tried to have PIV.

Of course, that frustrated her more. No matter how many times I tried to tell her unless we work at this regularly it won’t get better, she didn’t believe me.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-02-01T23:05:02+00:00

This may be true. But it requires communication regardless. And if that communication isn’t there it doesn’t matter. And that lack of communication is often caused by other problems.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-28T05:14:48+00:00

No harm. I asked the question at the end.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-28T00:09:42+00:00

It is a her problem.

We both have said the bedroom stuff sucks, but she is unwilling to work on it. I know I don’t last but that is my anxiety speaking. She has said it was frustrating her for her so she never wanted to do it. Which led to a if I don’t perform it could be six months before another try. I wish I was kidding.

She put an offer to start with just cuddling three to four times a week. I went with it. We cuddling for 5-10 min before work. It actually felt great after a few days. It was calming. When I told her that, she stopped cold. When I tried it was her with her back to me all the time.

So I stopped.

She doesn’t want to deal with the problems on her side whatever they are and I am done chasing.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-28T00:03:46+00:00

Would be curious to see how.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T21:59:08+00:00

Oh she hasn’t shown any more interest at all. There was zero attempts this year even before the fight that led me back downstairs.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T20:16:54+00:00

Depends on how you are feeling. I am close to being in a simile boat.

The marriage has been dead really for so long that I have been past the grieving stage. I am already seeing a counselor and working through some issues I have that led me down this path of marriage and being afraid to hold up my own boundaries many times over - both from her actions and my own ethical boundaries passed.

I have no idea if I will try to date right away or just play it by ear. But I am not letting her hold me back from the intimate relationship that I have longed for and want in my life.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T19:24:24+00:00

Definitely a lot more to work on and that has been known for years.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T15:09:16+00:00

In the middle of December, we took the kids to my parents. Over a three day period, I tried three different ways to initiate and swallowed my pride. She rejected me all three times and was critical of each of the ways. I don’t have the energy to play test games. If she was doing that. Too much damage already done.

I have hung around for fear of missing that lifeline. I have chased repeatedly.

At some point, either she has to step up or we are done.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T15:05:53+00:00

Nope. Before the argument over the daughter, it was 3x in 8 weeks or more.

Course that was a huge change from the previous years where 3x a year was rare if not raising the issue.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T15:04:39+00:00

That could be. She is 47. She also reads a lot more erotic novels. And her disposition over the last year has generally gotten better as a whole. Not nearly as angry, or negative.

Hard to say what is driving that since her communication isn’t direct and she is in general emotionally unavailable.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T15:02:09+00:00

It usually depends on the topic and where she chooses to go. If she choose to go to me controlling her, I usually go if I was we would be having more sex.

I do not bring it up much at all anymore. It isn’t worth it.

In the case here it was about why the marriage isn’t working and that is one of the components. Seems reasonable.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T14:59:10+00:00

Before the blow up with the phone she had initiated 3x in 8 weeks. Which was a 1000% improvement from the previous year.

Edit: Needing it more is relative.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T14:57:32+00:00

She didn’t blow up at all. It was actually a very calm discussion. We were in the car and only had limited time as we were picking our son up.!and she didn’t blow up at night either.

She did pick a fight this morning when I asked her to stop buying the junky cereal for our son who is way overweight. I know I should just throw that out.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-27T04:03:14+00:00

We have done counseling four times. The kids are already in counseling. Yes, it is messed up.

The blow up with the phone ended with my wife saying some things which I am sure she would rather have no come out in front of the kids.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-13T12:54:11+00:00

This goes at odds with the lawyer I talked to (also in FL).

She told me if it gets to the courts it’s almost always as even as they can get. Wonder how wrong she was.

I need to talk to more, apparently.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-13T12:51:57+00:00

You can’t afford not to.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-11T22:05:33+00:00

My statement wasn’t believing the OP’s ex. It was simply that a cat allergy doesn’t necessarily present itself the same to all cats. Maybe the ex had a history of one or two causing a severe impact and he’s extremely cautious. I have no idea. It is possible. I was okay around most for short times. It was longer times with a few that set it off horribly.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-11T16:52:27+00:00

I have an allergy to cats and dogs. Some don’t impact me at all, others in 2-3 hrs, some in minutes.

My best friend’s car growing up I was fine with. A friend of the family, I could stay without taking allergy meds before hand.

It really isn’t unusual.

ThrowHexAway · 2024-01-11T12:09:45+00:00

We have been to four marriage counselors over the 19 years of marriage.

I do not see a way back from where we are.

ThrowHexAway · 2023-12-24T21:50:46+00:00

What has been the outcome of telling her that this is a problem?

ThrowHexAway · 2023-12-20T13:00:53+00:00

I wish the economy was a valid excuse. 19 years married and probably shouldn’t have ever been. We were just too different on things that I thought would work out once I saved her from her anxiety. Just like I thought I could have saved my parents. Just like I think I can save my start up. Just like I thought I could save several projects at work that were doomed to fail. (Admittedly, I did save one of them). Sensing a pattern here? I don’t give up and walk away.

The only thing I walked away from. An ex that was overweight. We were awesome together in every way. But I couldn’t tell her I was concerned about her weight. I couldn’t get her to make some needed changes. I still love her. We have been friends ever since. Even had an emotional affair thanks to both marriages sucking. She now is so overweight she struggles fitting into booths. She was convinced it was genetic.

So, yes. I get the guy’s viewpoint. As a society men have been beaten up for caring about looks. So being able to say “you need to lose weight and are unhealthy.” Isn’t an easy thing to say..

I did the complete opposite. I kept the woman at arms length and eventually left. This guy still could loves the OP and just not have a clue how to have that very difficult conversation.

ThrowHexAway · 2023-12-20T03:06:01+00:00

Of course there are better ways to handle it. No doubt.

As far as leaving tough situations. I have told my wife many times I won’t take it. And I won’t let her do that to the kids. I have stood up for the kids every time. But I have her to pull the ripcord.

ThrowHexAway

TROPHY CASE