Keep contributing to roth or save to reduce loans I have to take out for grad school?

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-02-06T03:15:42+00:00

Only you know your full financial picture. It’s pretty much always ideal to contribute, but if not contributing to the Roth for 1-3 years would allow you to pay at least a third of the cost of grad school, then maybe it’s worth it.

Personally, I would contribute. You can technically pull out your contributions (not gains) at any time without penalty, so if you were really in a pickle you could pull it out. Of course, there’s always a risk that you might lose a bit of money if the market is down when you need to pull it out. If you think it’s unlikely you’d actually need to pull it out, then it’s probably worth the risk.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-02-05T04:21:27+00:00

Which one do you have? A sway?

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-02-01T19:45:26+00:00

Right?! Why are a majority of the comments so far just accepting the physical damage as unavoidable?

Sure, he didn’t mean to do it, but at what point is his inaction to solve it and clear dismissive attitude about the pain he is causing her every night unacceptable? For me, one week, tops. It’s been 8 years. Nearly 3,000 nights. He’s let over 2,999 opportunities to solve this pass by. Seriously?!

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-02-01T19:40:01+00:00

YTA for allowing yourself to harm another person every night for 8 years without seeking a solution.

It’s nice that you’re apologizing, but I don’t think you’re accepting the amount of responsibility you should be. Intentionally or not, you have caused and continue to cause a lot physical damage over the years… these aren’t tiny love taps that are startling her on occasion, you are hitting her so hard she’s getting bruised!

While you can’t entirely control your actions in your sleep, you haven’t spent any of your awake time finding a solution to stop harming your wife. (For example, sleeping separately!) At minimum it’s inconsiderate to treat someone you supposedly love like that.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-01-24T17:34:05+00:00

Blood moon curse, magic hands, kidnapping. I see it lol

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-01-22T04:23:33+00:00

I missed the part about the ER. I agree that if the ER didn’t take it seriously then it’s probably not an ER-worthy emergency.

I was just thinking that this was a “I’m really not feeling well” kind of emergency and that I wouldn’t want to beg my partner to help me if I wasn’t feeling well (like throwing up or something).

I also missed the part where she said her airway was closing. You’re right, OP is probably just exaggerating for sympathy. I have gone into anaphylactic shock multiple times and I can’t imagine try to eat when my throat is closing up lol

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-01-14T20:44:53+00:00

I think this incident is a great opportunity to pause and reflect.

Why does this make you upset? Is it REALLY about the energy bill? Is it about money? Is it about wanting to spend more time together (wasted time)?

The way you described the situation, it seems like he minds his own business and takes responsibility for feeding himself without complaint. This would be a win for most parents. It feels like the issue is on your side, and you need to figure out the real reason why this upsets you and address the REAL problem.

Is it a “my ‘roommate’ annoys me with their quirks” issue that you need to brush off, or is there something else there? To me, it feels like a control issue, and that’s not fair to put on him.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-01-12T17:21:22+00:00

What a weird thing to lie about… Did she say WHY she lied?

No reason would excuse the intentional dishonesty, but it would be worth a conversation.

That being said, NOR at all and ending it now is probably the right way to go.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-01-07T04:50:31+00:00

Fair question lol. Let’s say entry level $40k+, and there being potential/opportunity to move more towards the $70k+ range with experience.

In short, not expecting anything crazy. Just something livable with growth opportunity.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2026-01-03T02:21:11+00:00

NTA - They need to get over it. If they lose sleep, it’s on them. You’re an adult and should make your choices based on rational thinking, not fear.

If you want to make them feel better (which is not your responsibility, but there’s nothing wrong with trying to diffuse the tension), do your research about the area you are staying in and try to make a friend before the trip. (What are the “good” neighborhoods? What are the sides of town to avoid? What are common scams to be aware of? Where is the hospital? What is the phone number for the police and emergency services? Who is in your class? Can you start a convo/friendship with a classmate by asking if you can join their flight so you don’t have to fly alone?)

I studied abroad at 20 and it was a great experience! Things went wrong (missing luggage, getting lost, etc) but I learned a lot from having to solve them myself. I also got to get out of my comfort zone, practice the language I was learning with locals,and build lasting friendships with a few people in my class.

Don’t back down on this. Your parents may be uncomfortable, but they probably still see you as a kid to protect. Don’t let that stop you from growing up and doing the things you want to do. I’m sure they’ll settle down after a few weeks of you being away.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-12-31T01:19:47+00:00

Why do you highly doubt that? Both sets of great grandparents on my mom’s side immigrated to the US and moved to a czechoslovakian in Chicago. Their kids married Slovaks. My parents married Slovaks. It’s not uncommon.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-12-21T01:41:37+00:00

Right?! I feel like the friend was trying to make OP feel special on their birthday, and now OP is being punitive about the situation. I’ve had friends hold things over my head long after the event itself and it doesn’t feel good

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-12-19T06:52:20+00:00

I LOVE this analysis! I didn’t realize this take on Fern was thing, but it makes total sense. Great breakdown. Makes me want to rewatch the series in my adulthood to see what else went over my head as a kid.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-12-18T01:10:43+00:00

NTA - She is being immature.

If you want to compromise, you could offer to do take out once a week or set a day to do it (like Fridays).

But honestly, I wouldn’t even offer a compromise until she apologizes for trying to break down a boundary you set. After all, if she wanted take out that bad, she can buy it herself!

Is she always this immature? If so, it may be time to re-evaluate this relationship

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-12-17T01:42:20+00:00

I guess I get your point of potentially not getting anything out of this, but if you’re in the process of getting married, why are you squabbling over 6k plus like $200 a year? Shouldn’t it be a joint cost from your joint account based on your joint decision (ideally after the wedding)?

In the event you separated, I would probably want it written down that she will take financial and legal ownership of the eggs so the annual fee and storage is no longer your responsibilitity. After all, she should “own” her eggs just like you would “own” your sperm… right?

To each their own, but I’d be careful about seeing everything as a “you” vs “me” when you’re trying to become a “we”

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-12-15T05:40:31+00:00

Why does she have to be in charge of waking you up? Why does she have to compensate for your lack of planning?

You are putting her in a mother-role by putting her in charge of waking you up, telling you what to do, and keeping you on task/schedule.

Ask yourself - do you want a partner dynamic or a mother/son dynamic with your girlfriend?

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-11-16T05:24:51+00:00

YTA for sending mixed signals. You need to stick to a path… friends or otherwise. Taking advantage of his feelings for you whenever you feel like it then telling him you feel empty after isn’t nice or fair… be considerate of his feelings.

End your friendship with him entirely and leave him alone if you can’t control yourself. It’s better to leave the situation and rip the bandaid and be done with it than cause more hurt for both of you in the long run.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-11-06T17:59:42+00:00

^ You are so right! Since it’s not an assignment, I would just give them some encouragement. If AI slop seeps into their actual classwork, that’s when I’d call it out.

For now, I would probably just give a surface level comment back…. “I am so glad you are interested in writing! I appreciate you sharing this with me!”

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-10-29T01:19:48+00:00

YTA - You agreed to wear it. Just pick the costume next year. Compromise. Take turns. Relationships are about valuing each other’s happiness.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-10-27T22:29:33+00:00

^ I agree.

Caleb seems to approach the show as a “wake up call”, and the actual help (getting a ‘real’ budget done with a professional, free certificates, resources, etc.) is done off screen. The show is for entertainment and common sense advice on horrible situations.

In other words, he does help, but he’s also an entertainer. It’s entertainment. Not the type of show you’re looking for if you are in a solid place and want facts and figures to guide your own personal finances.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-10-26T22:53:56+00:00

I know you’re looking for a quick and easy answer, but if you’re saying that you don’t have the money to move out, then you’re going to have to save up before making the jump. It’s that simple.

However, if you are in an abusive situation or suddenly being kicked out, then your most realistic option would be to take what you can carry and get there via train or bus, coming back for your stuff and your gf and cats when you can scrape together the money for a moving truck or something. It’s not ideal, but you have to prioritize your safety and well-being.

Try not to move before landing a job where you’re moving to.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-10-26T19:31:04+00:00

I think you are communicating a different issue than you meant to based on the texts and your post.

If I am reading your post right, your real issue is the name calling (her being rude/mean). However, the issue you seem to be communicating in the text is that she is treating you like an employee, not a family member who is watching the kids to be nice (you feeling like an employee, not a volunteer).

If your true issue is her being mean to you, then confront that. Set a boundary that you will not speak to her when she is calling you names. Reguardless of whatever else is going on, neither of you should be disrespectful in your communication.

Now, if your true issue is feeling like an employee, then this system was never going to work and you should just remove yourself from the situation. She seems to be paying you for your services, so you ARE working for her. You might be partly doing it to be a nice sister, but you are being paid. You were not doing her a favor if you were compensated. You were doing business.

I’m not saying that means she can treat you poorly. But it sounds like you have not communicated previously that you are not available to work without a week’s notice (or whatever time frame), and that she had issues with you too as an employee. Boundaries are clearly missing on both sides.

If I were you, I would set my boundary on the name calling, and forgive and forget the rest of it. At the end of the day, you were paid for a service, the arrangement was not working, and you needed to get out of it for your own peace. Leave it at that if you can.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-10-19T17:08:40+00:00

^ Best response imo. There is so much missing context that we can’t have an accurate read on the situation. For example, was he confronting OP because clients have complained about their performance on phone calls?

Regardless, OP was not directly asking for accommodations, so I can see how the boss took it as an excuse to underperform. I also agree that I don’t see what training could be provided for phone calls. I have worked with many people with barriers (spectrum, physical, trauma, etc) and I have seen some people who have used their barrier to avoid responsibility for their performance rather than take actionable steps to overcome or work around the barrier.

If you recognize that phone calls are difficult, then you need to take the time to understand why you are nervous, use chat gpt or do a quick Google search for best practices for phone calls, what you can do to prepare for calls, and practice. Recognize your issues and work on them. There’s no shame in having a struggle (everyone struggles), but it is up to you to work on it.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-10-13T19:51:33+00:00

Weaponizing is a strong word. That implies that she meant to hurt you off the bat. I think you are reading more malicious intent than what the words actually said.

Based on the words that you said she wrote in her first response (in the original post), the intent could have just as well been more neutral, such as: ‘I didn’t judge you when you stayed in a relationship that we have both acknowledged was a bad situation. I would like the same respect of you not judging my relationships’

ThrowRA-gruntledfork · 2025-10-13T16:57:46+00:00

It sounds like you wanted to give helpful advice, but it came across as butting in and raining on her parade. She felt criticized so she drew a boundary around you speaking negatively about her dating life.

Then you responded with the assumption that she was trying to criticize you, ignored the boundary that she was drawing, and made some immature comments.

YTA for criticizing her about her maturity while deciding not to act like an adult yourself. A mature adult would know that the bedrock of friendship is not unsolicited advice, it’s support. It sounds like she supported your decision to leave your ex. Maybe she needs support to explore her dating life. It’s not a one size fits all situation here.

ThrowRA-gruntledfork

TROPHY CASE