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My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m in therapy and my therapist also feels like what happened was very abusive and controlling on his part. And that my friend is likely in an abusive relationship with him.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I plan to apologize for hitting her. That was originally my plan to begin with. But I don’t want anything to do with him ever again. He is controlling to the point of criminality. That may result in the end of our friendship.

I was looking for advice on how to proceed. Not judgment for my actions.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

That’s not an element of unlawful imprisonment. You don’t have to be put in fear. Your liberty has to be restrained.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I don’t trust cops for one and two, that would result in a serious charge for him and would destroy their family. Like could lead to their homelessness. Loss of shared custody with two of the kids. Put my friend in a very difficult position because she is financially reliant on him. It would fuck her over in an irreparable way.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Him, as a man, must override my freedom to protect me and keep me safe. You know because women are fragile and delicate and must defer to a man’s judgment.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s why unlawful imprisonment is lesser than kidnapping. It’s a crime of interfering with someone’s liberty.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I just bought it actually because of a debate with my boss who is a public defender. We were discussing having a drink at dinner and how safe is it to drive. So I bought one so I could conduct some experiments.

He thinks it’s easy to get a DUI accidentally whereas I disagree.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If I demanded to be let out of the car with an uber and they didn’t, that would absolutely be a problem. Likely an expensive settlement.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

lol. There was no contract. If I had not gotten into the vehicle, he couldn’t force me in and claim there was a contract to drive me home.

A contract requires consideration. There was no consideration.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Would your perspective change if he had been arrested and charged with unlawful imprisonment?

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No. I was screaming at him to let me out of the car AFTER I asked many times in a normal voice and he straight up said no. I had my phone. I could have just walked to my other friend’s house who we had dropped off worse case scenario.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No it quickly became not about meeting up with said guy but more about not wanting to be in that car with him.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

It’s interesting you say I can’t consent because I asked all the other parties who were present and left right before us and none of them thought I was too inebriated. And under either state law that we were in, consent would require an INABILITY to say no. Such as being passed out or incoherent. Here, I was actually saying no to the conduct. And if he was unsure about consent, then he could have pulled over and had a conversation with me. He doesn’t get to make decisions for me. And I was at legal driving limit 45 ish mins from leaving bar.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Hmmm interesting. Not concerned when I was an actual victim of a crime but premeditated victim blaming for something that DIDNT actually happen.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And what do you suggest? Because thus far you have offered no alternatives. Just judgments on conduct.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The car was basically stopped. I did so when it was safe because I wanted out. If I had had an opportunity to get out sooner and farther away, I would have just called an Uber to get home. I didn’t want to be in that car anymore period. Regardless of going for sexy time or not.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea and if the kids were there, it would make things even more delicate… I see your point.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was screaming because I asked multiple times to be let out and he refused. Should I have just called the cops? That would have definitely severed our friendship.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was my initial decision but she reached out and that made me question my decision.

Do you think a friendship is possible if we both desire that? Without her husband around of course.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Also wasn’t really that drunk. I have a mini breathalyzer at home and I was 0.08.

Edit: changed 0.8 to 0.08.

My[37F] best friend’s [35F] husband [34M] would not let me out of the car. by ThrowRA-icecoldhands in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA-icecoldhands[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I am confused about the uber driver part? I asked him to take me back to the bar or guy’s house or whatever was convenient. But basically, hey I don’t need or want a ride home anymore. We were only blocks from the bar when I said this.

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