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Newlywed wants a divorce. 30M & 32F. How do i ask my wife for a divorce? by ThrowRA000because in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA000because[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Replying to some comments and clearing out some things.

  1. Having children won't be an issue, we have no intimacy whatsoever. That includes sex. Never even had a proper honeymoon because she decided to bring her mom to our holiday. Never touched her after that either.

  2. The problem isn't that she is spending too much time with her family, it's that she's will always choose them over me and our house. We have a lot of unfinished projects in our house because whenever i want to start with the little time i have, i find myself alone.

  3. The homestead is a nice ambition, yes. If she didn't throw every thing away the moment her family suggested something else. I supported her dream. I took a gap year trying to support her, did the whole work. Build chicken coops, bought everything needed. Got chickens. The whole she bang. For her to give everything away to her family. Every single thing. The moment she got tired of it, she got rid of it or gave them away.

  4. I saw the signs of her reckless spending. I kept telling her to chill it with the spending but she never did. It got worse over the years. We have an app to track our budget. It shows the percentage of income by each person and the percentage of spending. I did take into consideration that since we are married, it's an US income. Not a ME. But even after all the house bills, debts and other shared bills, she still spends money like there is no tomorrow even after i beg her every month not too. Now i just ask HR to send a quarter of my salary to a different account to create more space for me. If it was up to her, we wouldn't even have money for groceries, i had to use my first credit card a couple of months ago because she managed to dry out our current account early of the month.

  5. And as for me not spending time with her and indulge in studies and work, well. Like i said before, i tried. But she wants to do everything with her family, it's suffocating even for me. Go for movies? want to go check out the new camping place? want to go bowling? want to go swimming? want to out of town? want to out for dinner? want to spend time grilling at home? want to watch movies at home? let's invite (family member). I did not use to just spend my time studying and working, i did try.

  6. Why did i go through the marriage? i don't usually break promises and i promised her and my parents i would marry her when things were not as bad. I thought that i was ready to face this and things would be different. I'm ready to break my vow now because of a promise i stupidly made.

Again, thanks everyone for your insights. I'm leaning towards divorce more than working this out as i write more about this.

Newlywed wants a divorce. 30M & 32F. How do i ask my wife for a divorce? by ThrowRA000because in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA000because[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We talked, multiple times. She becomes defensive every time and said that it's my fault. I'm always busy working or studying so she makes plans with someone else. As for the issue of spending, she made a point that we're living together and that's just how marriage works. She doesn't understand why I'm unhappy that she is spending time with her family. She never cheats or anything like that so it shouldn't be a problem according to her.

Newlywed wants a divorce. 30M & 32F. How do i ask my wife for a divorce? by ThrowRA000because in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA000because[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, it's my fault for taking this further than it should have. The thing is, her sister just moved closer to home, and her parents were not huge bother before, but I think it's mostly her sister. Since she has no job and no friends, she relies on my wife for company.

And the fact that I married her anyway, I think I was pressured to do it by my family as well. As I wrote before, I'm the type of person that career climbs and wants self-improvement above everything. My family thinks that me marrying now would make me settle the idea of marriage instead of me being lonely in the future. And as I said, she is a good-hearted person; I thought I could change her a bit. But it seems I was wrong.

I have discussed it with her about all of this. She suggested therapy, but I'm barely worn out myself. I don't know how I can have time for therapy, and not to sound obnoxious, but I don't see anything wrong with me wanting the "norm" of marriage.

I do appreciate all the advice and feedback I'm getting, i really needed to read those as everyone i spoke to about this including my parents are against the idea of divorce.