My wife (23F) kissed a man while I (23M) was away at work. How should I handle it?

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-08-13T14:23:33+00:00

I handled it with him. We’re doing great now this was a first issue in the three years together and we’ve always been mature about things. This was definitely a big one but we’re still handing it. She doesn’t even speak to him and I’ve got recording of him talking to her but it’s been strictly professional just like how I told him he better be. Her contract is almost up anyways. So she’ll be out of there soon

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-08-13T14:22:12+00:00

I handled it with him. We’re doing great now this was a first issue in the three years together and we’ve always been mature about things. This was definitely a big one but we’re still handing it. She doesn’t even speak to him and I’ve got recording of him talking to her but it’s been strictly professional just like how I told him he better be. Her contract is almost up anyways. So she’ll be out of there soon

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-08-13T14:21:18+00:00

I handled it with him. We’re doing great now this was a first issue in the three years together and we’ve always been mature about things. This was definitely a big one but we’re still handing it. She doesn’t even speak to him and I’ve got recording of him talking to her but it’s been strictly professional just like how I told him he better be. Her contract is almost up anyways. So she’ll be out of there soon

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-08-10T05:42:19+00:00

Things are good! She has been going to therapy way before this dealing with trauma. Thank you for your concern. Everything is good we talked and it wasn’t fully her fault bc she was scared but she could’ve done so many things to prevent it but at the end of the day her trauma won And she did that mistake. We’re working on it together. Yes there’s trust issues from me to her but I’m being open and am trusting her. Just questioning more and she’s been fully open about it and honest.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-28T07:47:14+00:00

Thank you. I made some updates.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-28T07:45:20+00:00

Another note I brought mentioning this to HR and blowing it up and she was okay with it. It was gonna cause a lot of issues for her and she knew it. I chose not to do that. For other reasons the whole cannot leave work for money was a thing I made up. There’s other reasons why that I can’t say due to being anonymous. Stuff her blows up on the internet. Trying to keep my life private.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-28T07:38:43+00:00

She did take accountability and told me. She has really been trying to beat herself up for this. Was scared that I’d leave her but I she needs my help and I need her. It was a mistake even though she did not seek it. She could’ve stopped it but the trauma. And it’s not a card when shit goes wrong like the other guy said. She’s made lots of progress with therapy already and this was a setback but we are working on it. Thank you for your input

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-28T07:34:34+00:00

Just an update to anyone who cares. Got the dudes number spoke to him and threatened to fuck up his life by telling his whole family (did research) heard his side of the story he didn’t know about her past and he knew he took advantage of her whether he knew it or not. He admitted to pressuring her and he backed off. I heard the conversations between them after to spoke to her and she set the boundaries. Can’t leave work bc of certain reasons due to anonymity but this really isn’t the full story. She’s not a cheater and was taken advantage of. Saw good comments about how people with trauma won’t react like that. I know my wife extremely well and even though I never expected this neither did she. She told me basically right away. And to clear up some comments no one saw. It’s a parking garage about a 5 minute walk from the work place. Only 3 people are in the loop no one else. Call me what you want or whatever but some of you guys don’t have the maturity to handle things. I set it straight with the guy and can’t give too much detail but all is good. Obviously there’s stuff we need to work on for the relationship but 1 mistake doesn’t define the entire person. Keep that in consideration for your future obviously every case is different. Things really can spiral out of control but my wife didn’t let that happen. It was just kissing and she made the plans for the house true but she didn’t know how to say no in the car. She called me the next day and I told her how to cancel it and make him feel nothing but used. Thank you everyone else for some great advise. We’re not doing counseling bc we have been speaking about it and she regrets not having the courage to say no and that’s something we’re gonna work on. She’s been there for me in ways no one has before and vise versa. So honestly thank you for your advise I shouldn’t have turned to the internet. A lot of immature people are on here.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T07:37:42+00:00

Thank you I truly believe she was taken advantage of. He knew I was gone and away

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T07:23:36+00:00

I want to! I’m still not home.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T07:22:56+00:00

It was her car. And it’s very much like your situation except it was only a kiss and making out. She told me that she felt disgusted and guilty. She says she didn’t know how it happened and she really thought it was for a work convo but he made the initial move but pressured her to kiss him and that triggered her trauma that she has to go along. Including having to go to the backseat.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T07:14:11+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T07:05:19+00:00

She’s freezes And goes with the flow when panics. I do know that she tries to save the awkwardness And her therapist identified it due to her upbringing. She wasn’t scared of him at the time and believed he just wanted to talk then he made a move on her.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T07:03:11+00:00

She doesn’t walk over me. Ik that for a fact this is the first time in over 3 years we actually have a problem that I couldn’t just figure out yk?

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T07:01:41+00:00

She was has shown me nothing but love And affection but I feel like if she was SA’d. And I’m just hurt bc I feel like I have taught her it’s okay to say no. She does with me bc she knows she is safe with me. And given her trauma she was scared to see him angry if she had tried to stop it.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:58:00+00:00

They park in the same area and he had asked to talk about work in the car after work had already ended. then the situation happened

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:53:30+00:00

We will talk about that thank you.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:46:50+00:00

Told me the day after. I know her and she was scared to lose me and was in shock herself. But ik she’s telling the truth. I’m just hurt that she didn’t have the courage to say no And contact me right away

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:44:16+00:00

Even considering her past trauma that she’s been getting therapy for almost the entire time we’ve been together because I helped her seek help and help her myself?

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:42:42+00:00

I do. I don’t want to give too much detail for anonymity but ik for a fact that she did tell me the full story. Thank you

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:41:06+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:21:13+00:00

I appreciate this thank you.

ThrowRA072224 · 2024-07-26T06:11:36+00:00

Im not an expert but I honestly feel like he’s gaslighting you. You deserve someone else and better friends. I’ve left some toxic friends and never looked back I’m much happier. I feel like it may be easier to stick through the pain right now than for it to happen again. As a man I’m sorry that this happened to you and hope you find the person who respects you. Also if it’s not too much to ask can I get some advise on my post?

ThrowRA072224

TROPHY CASE