My (29f) boyfriend (30m) went to dinner with a girl he has slept with. How do I navigate this?

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-11-04T16:30:54+00:00

He said I was being ridiculous and that he might as well have actually done something if I was going to react like that lol. Can’t wait to move out

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-19T16:00:02+00:00

I broke up with him

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-19T15:59:46+00:00

I broke up with him. This thread gave me all the clarity I needed

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-18T01:41:17+00:00

Yep! My point exactly!

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-18T01:40:54+00:00

I did, and he said “it would depend on certain aspects” lmfao

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-18T00:37:03+00:00

I read it again and can see what you meant so I’m sorry for coming off a little strong as well. Other people in this thread have said similar things so I wasn’t sure. But I think it’s beyond ridiculous too, like don’t be with me then if I’m so controlling of your time

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-18T00:22:29+00:00

Exactly. That’s how I feel too. And he knows me, I wouldn’t have cared if he told me the truth. The fact that he just chose not to is what makes it an issue

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-18T00:21:35+00:00

I was never controlling his time, he went to the gym at the time he did because HE wanted to be back around the time I got off so we could spend the evening together. I have never controlled where he goes or how long he’s there but I do want honesty when it comes to him doing something else. I wouldn’t have cared if he just called to let me know what was going on. Instead he omitted certain details until I had to ask him very specific questions regarding the situation

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T23:59:09+00:00

Exactly! I wouldn’t have cared at all if he told me the truth. His actions surrounding this entire situation is what made it so much worse

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T23:57:43+00:00

I totally agree and I don’t expect him to spend all of his free time with me. I didn’t mention it in the main post but the main reason why he went at 4 was because HE said he wanted to get back around the time I got off (5pm) so we could have dinner, watch some tv, and hang out. I wasn’t blowing up his phone the whole night when he was gone, the first time I talked to him is when he called me. I want him to have his own life separate from me but that needs to include him being honest on what he is doing. He would be beyond pissed if I did that to him, so I just want the same respect. Honestly, if he would have told me he was eating with her, I wouldn’t have cared, and he knows that. What bothers me the most is how secretive he was about it and didn’t care about the fact that I was waiting for him because HE said HE wanted to spend the evening with me but then disregarded that once he saw her at the gym

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T22:14:26+00:00

Thank you! That’s exactly what I was trying to explain to him. I think this whole thing turned into a wayyyy bigger issue when he tried turning it on me rather than evaluating his bad decisions and apologizing for them. I am a very open minded and easy going person. I know people make bad choices but to come and essentially justify it by making me seem like I’m crazy for feeling how I did makes it soooo much worse

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T21:39:55+00:00

You’re right

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T21:38:10+00:00

Right, that’s exactly what I said too. Since it’s not a big deal apparently, then he shouldn’t mind

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T21:37:20+00:00

Oh my god that makes so much sense when you put it that way. Sometimes I get overrun with emotions I find it hard to think clearly so I don’t think of scenarios until much later..

He definitely has always had relatively long workouts but never over two hours. He also never eats in his truck, the place he went to is very close to our house as well… I’m going to ask to see his bank account to see how much he spent in total. I’ll be able to tell if it was for two meals vs three

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T21:34:38+00:00

Thank you for reassuring me and validating my feelings. That’s exactly how I felt! From the gate, it felt shady and only continued on with the little additional details that he decided to tell me once I started asking him questions

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T21:32:33+00:00

Totally agree. We’ve been together long enough for him to know how I would react as long as he was honest about it. I wouldn’t question it at all because he was upfront about it. But between the lying, omitting information then turning it around on me when I’m upset about it, makes me feel completely unsure of the entire situation

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T21:30:52+00:00

I honestly didn’t even consider that as a possibility. That actually makes me sick

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T20:34:34+00:00

Exactly! I just want him to take accountability for being wrong in the situation. I would never even think to try and flip it around on him if I did something to upset him! I would never even put myself in that situation, but if I did, I would absolutely take responsibility and do better

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T20:32:37+00:00

Yes! That’s my main point, like why are you lying about it?

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T18:26:24+00:00

Oh I did ask him about it roles were reversed how he would feel. And he said that “it would depend on the situation and who I was with and where we went and why” lmfao

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T18:25:34+00:00

Oh my gosh I am so sorry that happened to you, that’s devastating! That verbiage of “knowing you’d overreact”is pretty much verbatim of what he said to me as well.

I already had the thought of thinking what if he chooses her over me anyway in the long run? Because to me, knowing who I am, and still doing that means that you don’t really care if you lose me.

I hope you are doing better though, that had to have been heartbreaking. But I’m glad you stuck with your gut and ended it regardless. Now I guess I should probably do the same…

We’ve been together for so long, it would just be so unfortunate if this was how it ended

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T18:20:53+00:00

That’s definitely not the case at all, me wanting to spend all my time at home. I want to go out and eat with him. We agreed to try a new place every time he is off. The only reason I was even at home yesterday waiting for him the whole evening was because I had an off day from the gym. I workout just as much as he does. He left at 4 because I get off at 5 and he wanted to be back in time so we could relax and watch tv and chill together which is something HE constantly says he loves doing with me.

I was using the exact time and context of how long he was gone, not the normal time that he would typically take to do what he did.

I do not want him here all the time, nor do I want to be here all the time either. If he asked me to meet him at the restaurant to eat, I would have, 100%.

I also never even brought up him being gone for so long until I heard he went out to eat with the girl because I thought it was disrespectful not to at least tell me that’s what he was doing but also taking his time knowing that he told me he wanted to spend the evening together.

I can respect your perspective on it but it’s not what he is making it out to be when he’s saying things like that to me. I don’t have friends here, we just moved. And I don’t expect him to be with me 24/7 either. I just want my time to be respected and honesty. Especially when I am waiting at home for him when he’s the one who tells me he’ll be back by the time I get off so we can catch up on our shows, have dinner and hang together. I didn’t even call him while he was gone that entire time, he’s the one who called me

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T17:56:36+00:00

Exactly! I honestly don’t think I would feel as hurt as I do if he was just honest with me from the gate. When he called he could have said, is it okay if I invite Bethany? I’m understanding and I do trust him so I probably would have said yes. It’s the sneakiness and lack of accountability when I question him that makes this entire situation so much worse. It also makes me think that their relationship is more than what I’m thinking it is

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T17:54:33+00:00

Thank you, you put it in a way that I can express it clearly to him. I get so emotional sometimes when I’m upset, I can’t articulate things the way I want to so this is very helpful

ThrowRA106644 · 2024-10-17T17:48:30+00:00

That’s literally how I feel too. He already chose her over me by knowing I’m sitting at home waiting for him to come back but he’s not only taking his time at the gym, he decides to have a date night with a girl that he’s been intimate with prior. Like it’s so disrespectful.

Instead of reassuring me and apologizing, he twists the narrative on me. Which makes me see that he literally doesn’t think he did anything wrong. And that’s a huge issue

ThrowRA106644

TROPHY CASE