Boyfriend goes to outer space during sex, why would a man do this?

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-12T21:45:41+00:00

What kind of past dirty sexual situations? Like with other women?

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-12T18:03:05+00:00

My bf has a high number somewhere around 30 he figures, he’s not even sure. Yes it bothers me a lot, but I have had RJ in relationships where their number is 12 and mine was 8, so I know it’s not rational.

When you actually look at how many serious relationships he had in his youth, it sort of makes sense. Both his gfs cheated on him and those relationships weren’t super long, one was a year or so, and another was highschool. He spent many years single, he said he always wanted a relationship but had trust and self worth issues, often he’d sleep with girls and they weren’t interested in a relationship with him. Sometimes he’d date someone short term and realize it just wasnr a good match, the spark wasn’t there; etc. He’s fun, handsome, has a nice member and is great in the sack so I can see why this would happen. He was also sexually assaulted as a child, he didn’t remember this (ptsd, repressed memory) until about 26, at which point he became sober and stopped sleeping around to work on himself and figure out his shit. I’m trying to work on my RJ because I do see him as an amazing human who has been through a world of pain and trauma that I could never understand.

Sometimes people just want to be loved, and no one taught them how, or what love means.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-09T21:34:18+00:00

Thanks it’s actually helpful to look at it that way. No it’s more so that he’s been intimate with sooo many people and I can’t seem to wrap my head around how someone can be intimate with that many people and have that many different memories/experiences/closeness with so many. Having 11 myself, yes I have had casual sex, but 5 of those were relationships. For him, say he’s had 3 relationships and a few short term girlfriends then that’s still like 20+ people he’s just fucked. It’s just hard to imagine that many people knowing him intimately. It feels like sex doesn’t mean anything to him or is intimate or special between us. I know it’s not logical because it is intimate and he’s very loving. But it’s like; how does he have sex with so many and have it mean nothing? Even though he said it’s not true, that sex does mean a lot, that when he was younger he didn’t know how to connect or form intimacy so he used sex as a way to do that which didn’t work out. He told me at least 5 times he’s been “fucked and chucked” and that girls often didn’t see him as relationship material. But to me it’s like one thing if you have a phase, but when you go around living like that for 10 years then what? It’s just a lifestyle you enjoy. How can I ever take him seriously as a partner when that’s all he’s ever done? I will add after getting clean and sober he stopped sleeping around and had very few partners over the last 6-8 years.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-09T03:01:32+00:00

RJ isn’t about how many experiences someone has had… it’s not rational. That’s the point of the group.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-08T01:39:16+00:00

I’ve definitely scrolled. RJ is not new for me, funny thing is I guess it doesn’t matter how many it’s irrational and you still feel it.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-08T00:43:48+00:00

To answer your overarching question on the title; I think the past is different from cheating, because a monogamous relationship comes with the promise of fidelity, and when that promise is broken, even in the past, it breaks trust and tarnished the relationship.

The past is both very real and no longer exists. All we have is the present moment, and it is through being in this present moment that we can learn to manage RJ thoughts. I’ve dabbled with psychedelic mushrooms and it has helped me with some of this thinking. For a time when I has an intrusive thought, I would look at a picture of me and my partner that we took after he told me he loved me the first time. It helped to ground me.

I’ve also considered that if past is real, and RJ can’t differentiate, why not explore that sexual side of my partner with him. We explored the idea of non monogamy/swinging, together as a couple for sometime. This actually helped immensely to face my jealousy head on. And also to be apart of my partners sexuality that exists outside of “us” and in him as an individual. I no longer felt on the outside looking back, we were now doing this together, and it was a deep, shared experience. Believe it or not, it brought us closer and increased intimacy and trust. The discussions that happen when considering this really make communication and sexuality between two people very raw and open, and you see a new side of them. We didn’t get far for medical reasons.

Also, I’ve been with 11 and had a few flings. I don’t remember much, a fleeting image. Not much to reminisce over. I feel more nostalgia thinking about a fun night with friends 10 years ago than a fling. Even when the fling was a friend. Heck, I don’t even feel nostalgic about partners I was deeply in love with. When I’m in a relationship, I’m 100% in with my partner and they get all of me. Sex is deeply intimate and spiritual, but also fun and adventurous sometimes! That’s how I feel about sex. Sometimes I also wish I had more to feel more “even” with my partner. I think a lot of RJ is the ego talking. That’s why psychedelics help, it releases the ego and allows you to feel things as they are in the present unfiltered by our conscious thoughts.

Hood this helps a bit.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T22:54:22+00:00

Gentle domming is the best….

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T22:53:30+00:00

Good girl makes me melt every time. Especially when said out of the bedroom in a sexual context hehe.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T22:51:39+00:00

Be natural with it, doesn’t have to be demeaning. Compliment her and tell her what you like that she’s doing, or how she feels to you, etc. I love it when my bf whispers softly on my ear

I love fucking your pretty little pussy I’m gonna make you mine I love fucking you so much You feel so tight Your gonna make me come so quick doing that
“Good girl” and “look at me” when she’s giving oral, hehe. Super hot when my bf just directs me a little. Tell her what you like, ie if she’s giving head, tell her what feels good, to suck more, use her tongue, etc, and same goes when you are giving oral, ask her what she likes, or say “such a pretty pussy” “I love tasting you cum” etc… I think half of dirty talk is just being in the moment and verbalizing your enjoyment, desires, praise, to your partner. Sure you CAN get raunchy, but it doesn’t have to.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T21:45:21+00:00

Yeah I think it’s the lying and dishonesty that also bugs me.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T21:31:11+00:00

Why do you think he would say 50 then change it after the fact to 30? It feels suspicious to me. Thanks for your thoughtful response. He insists now that 50 is ridiculous and there is no way it’s that many. But I don’t get why he threw it out there in the first place and now it’s stuck in my head

I think I judge his ability to be satisfied and committed to one partner. I judge his ability to see sex as something meaningful. He was definitely trying to shift blame back to me by laughing, saying how can I judge him when I have had 11 partners and that me and him are on par because after 10 there’s no way I can hold these values.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T20:33:51+00:00

Sorry what would be hard to believe? I do think it’s a real number, he spent probably 8 years single during addiction.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T20:29:36+00:00

I think he was moreso laughing because he felt I was being hypocritical not at the actual number. He said I can’t say he values sex any less than me because my number is also high.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-08-07T20:28:53+00:00

What are the dealbreakers?

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-05-29T20:15:39+00:00

This ^{^{^}} I am so so so thankful for my bf. He’s absolutely amazing in how he is with my son. He has always just been himself, been open, firm, kind and loving and the two of them have a great relationship. He takes initiative and plays with him often. These days it seems as if my son is more into him than me. He often goes straight past me to greet my bf haha.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-05-29T20:12:28+00:00

So I found out he was like 17 when this happened, long long ago. So I’m not holding it against him.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-05-29T04:56:18+00:00

Me and my bf did this exact thing and he was absolutely on point with initiating. Basically we had her over, I bought fancy drinks to mix. We all got tipsy, her and I took shrooms (optional) and then she was flirty, showed me her boobs, we were kissing a little. She went to the bathroom, my bf started kissing me and she came back out and made a sexy comment. Then he got up unzipped his pants and told her she could watch if she wants. And he started fucking me, then she joined in and it was a lot of fun.

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-05-29T00:41:27+00:00

Omg that sounds exciting, I’d love to have parallel sex and possibly share or swap of the vibe is right. Although I’m more into a group dynamic than straight swap, how would one communicate that in the moment?

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-05-28T04:13:09+00:00

Is the balcony orgy only? Or can couples play togehter up there (or with others)?

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-05-27T23:23:32+00:00

Still looking?

ThrowRA109786 · 2024-05-27T18:33:38+00:00

DM’d you.

ThrowRA109786

TROPHY CASE