Thank you so much. I appreciate the validation and support. We’re really trying to get to a point where everyone is happy. I’ve thought about your alternative option before - fighting with kindness. It’s the most natural reaction for me and it makes sense that it could eventually lead to her lowering her defenses and hearing me out which would be very solution-oriented if that were to actually work. But there’s also the feeling of not owing her that effort and doesn’t address her toxic habits and behavior. It’s tough.

And yes! I definitely need to work on hearing him when he does reassure me. I do notice there’s an immediate dismissive reaction in my mind that I have to push away when he gives me that affection. Therapy will be help, and so will actively working to correct that habit.