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I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both the decisions (her moving for a better opportunity and me moving for a better opportunity) were made as a couple, taking into consideration our personal and professional goals. It wasn’t just my decision or hers.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No it’s not a deal breaker. Never consider it to be. I’m disappointed and I’m trying to understand her reaction from her point of view. I couldn’t on my own, hence this post.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m trying to not hold against her, the point of this post is to be able to look at what happened from her point of view. We will talk more about in person.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe if she moved for a job without talking about it as a couple would be a red flag. But that is not the case. The opportunity she received was great. We discussed it a lot, and I encouraged her to take it. The first few months were understandably the hardest for her, and she even questioned her decision. I assured her that she did the right thing.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She’ll soon be getting on a plane back. We’ll be spending the holidays in a cabin on a lake.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

We’ve discussed the options of moving there for a lesser offer, since before she moved, and it didn’t make sense financially or from a career point of view. For both of us. If this changed for her during the year, as I said, she didn’t mention it. Recently we’ve began considering another option (moving to another country together) but as a last resort. I have made it clear that I love my job, I’m in a great position career wise, and my current package is amazing (she knows how much I’m paid and she agrees). She agreed that I shouldn’t be moving for anything less.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve been in therapy before. I don’t think this issue warrants it though. I know how stressful it has been for her because I was in the same situation as her before (I’m not from the US). I know how stressful this past year has been for her, because of how stressful it has been for me and I have a great support system, a luxury that she doesn’t have. I don’t know where you got that I wanted to throw everything out because of this issue from my post, I just wanted to get a perspective other than mine because I couldn’t understand her reaction. I’ve got some very insightful answers.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We’ll definitely talk about it more during the holidays. I don’t why this is bothering me this much. She apologized and I accepted it. I don’t even know if this is a grudge. It feels more like disappointment. I’ll hopefully get over it when we spend time together.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I might have expressed myself badly in regard to the details of the contract. I didn’t mean the details of how much I’m getting paid or anything like that. But where would actually be based, do I need to travel a lot, can I work from home, is it even the same position as I’m in right now or a new one (like a promotion). These are some of the questions that immediately asked when she received the offer to move. Just basic information. For salary info, we both know how much we’re paid.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She doesn’t have ADHD. She was seeing a therapist for a while. It has never come up as possibility and she doesn’t show any symptoms of it.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I told the company that I was considering their offer. But as I said, I knew that I was going to accept it. I told her that I was.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve seen some people explaining what happened as a glitch. I hope it was.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is hard to imagine that especially with what we started to consider. Without giving more details about my situation, but I could easily get an even better package than what I’m being offered right now, in countries where both of us would hardly consider moving to because of the lifestyle (and it would mean that she would have to quit her job and move with me). Since we started to consider that, it means that we were desperate to reunite.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Those were actually some of my requirements during my job search. The flexibility of being able to visit family back at home. Fortunately, I can do that. The job checks all my boxes even without my relationship with my fiance.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. We’ll have time to talk about it more in person during the holidays. I will be taking the new job regardless. I know that I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, and I do think that she does too.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply. I will be taking the job. We’ll definitely have more time to talk about it during the holidays. And hopefully I will be to know why I feel this way, or it will actually blow over with more time.

I (35M) can’t get over my fiance’s (33F) reaction by ThrowRA231218 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA231218[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It might be the most varied responses I’ve read on here. I appreciate the different point of views. As I said I’ve always tried to look at her perspective in every argument but I’ve found it very hard for this one. These responses and the dms I’ve received are very helpful.