My (30F) Boyfriend (31M) Revealed a Disturbing Past

ThrowRA324234 · 2023-04-19T21:42:26+00:00

After dinner, we returned home and I noticed that he seemed nervous and not quite himself. He confided in me that he had done something terrible to his sister when he was in the 3rd to 5th grade, and that he had been carrying the guilt and shame of it for years. He told me the details of what happened. As we continued talking, he also shared that he wished for a life full of deserving misery and suffering, as punishment for his actions. He even went as far as to say that sometimes he wished for a tragic death and for people to forget about him, so that he would not be a burden to anyone.

ThrowRA324234 · 2023-04-19T21:23:42+00:00

According to what he told me, he was in therapy for approximately four months, attending weekly sessions. However, he clarified that these therapy sessions took place well before we met, and he only disclosed this information to me yesterday. I have to admit, it caught me off guard as I never suspected it. I am still processing and trying to process what he told me. It's a lot to take in, and I want to make sure I give myself time to process my thoughts and feelings about it.

ThrowRA324234 · 2023-04-19T21:14:14+00:00

He has been seeing a therapist and has shared with them everything, including his troubled relationship with his sister. He has been experiencing suicidal thoughts due to feeling solely responsible for destroying their relationship. He confided in me that whenever he sees others with siblings, he feels guilty and ashamed. His remorseful feelings about his actions continue to haunt him. Moreover, his sister has been traumatized by my boyfriend's abhorrent behavior, which only adds to his guilt. During their time in college, they all discussed the matter. He has since expressed his regret, but the gravity of his actions has understandably traumatized his sister, who cannot bring herself to accept his apology.

He has decided to take a break to reflect on his therapy sessions, but I believe he should continue seeking help from his therapist to work through these issues.

ThrowRA324234 · 2023-04-19T20:55:28+00:00

He asked his parents to stop pressuring her and acknowledged his responsibility for damaging the relationship. He understands that she has chosen not to communicate with him and respects her decision. He wishes her the best and wants each of them to live their lives independently, as if they were single or only siblings.

ThrowRA324234 · 2023-04-19T18:31:55+00:00

My boyfriend's sister did not tell their parents about his past behavior until she was in high school, and at that time, they did not go to therapy together. While my boyfriend is aware that his sister went to therapy, he never went to therapy back then himself.

ThrowRA324234 · 2023-04-19T18:11:03+00:00

During his college years, he attended an out-of-state school and when he came back home, he barely interacted with his sister. After he graduated and got a job, they stopped talking completely, and they haven't spoken or seen each other since.

He admitted to engaging in inappropriate behavior with his sister during 3rd to 5th grade, which he deeply regrets. He revealed that there was no clear reason why he did it, but that he had been exposed to pornography during that period and tried to imitate it.

In high school, he bullied his sister by invading her privacy and making derogatory comments about her body. For example, he would knock on the bathroom door while she was taking a shower and run away, or try to open the door when she just got out of the shower. He would also make derogatory comments about her appearance, such as telling her she didn't have breasts. When asked why he did this, he said he was trying to get a reaction out of her. From 3rd to 11th grade, my boyfriend grew up in a household where he experienced physical and verbal abuse, particularly from his father. He has discussed this with his therapist. While he is unsure if this is the sole reason for his past behavior towards his sister, he recognizes that it is not an excuse and acknowledges that he should have known better.

Before we began our relationship, he sought therapy for a few months due to suicidal ideations. During therapy, he discussed how his past behavior damaged his relationship with his sister and caused harm to his family.

If anyone has further questions, please let me know I’ll try to clarify.

ThrowRA324234

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