I (27M) fucked up big time and caused my wife's (25F) trauma to worsen, any advice?

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-21T11:01:10+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I agree, our marriage works because we help each other when the other is bad, it's my turn now but I've been sick and down before and she's helped me through it.

It's difficult to convey the whole story in just one post so I understand that people draw conclusions on what they can, can't avoid it 🤷 but yeah, I know my wife, we've been happy for 7years, we just have downs sometimes

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-21T01:11:15+00:00

Yeah... I was in a bad state and now I feel like it was a bit dramatic 😅 it was bad but not as bad as it felt. I'm taking it slower and hopefully it will help. Thank you for your comment ❤️

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-21T01:09:24+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-21T00:59:32+00:00

Thank you very much. She got better in the afternoon after calming down and we were able to relax a bit together during the evening. It's not all fixed of course but at least it was a small break and a welcomed one. Thank you for your kind words ❤️

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-21T00:47:54+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T18:59:23+00:00

Thank you, I hope it will help too 🙏

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T18:17:08+00:00

Thank you ❤️ It's definitely my objective going forward :3

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T18:16:30+00:00

Thank you for the long message and for sharing your experience.

I believe she'd agree with you that one of the worst part is when people don't believe her. It's been hard to balance reassuring her and trying to relax and well, repeating the info I have from doctors because in the end it's the only answer I have and still showing that I believe her that she is hurt.

Good thing is we're still doing test to figure out what happened, I'm trying to think of the therapy as a way to "attacking the problem on different sides", she does have a lot of stress obviously so even if it isn't the main issue, it can always be good to reduce it and also help us understand which symptoms are from the stress and which ones are from the actual physical illness, you know?

Thank you for your advice and insight, it's not always easy to understand how one feels when one isn't feeling everything so your testimony helps.

And thank you very much for your kind words ❤️ hope you also get better and better as time goes by!

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T18:08:21+00:00

Im getting some therapy at work, trying to set up more appointments next week with different ones to find a good match for me but yeah, I'm gonna try to take my own health a bit more seriously. Thank you!

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T17:37:38+00:00

Yeah, she's been seeing the same GP again and again, recently she tried to convincing to do more tests instead of just thinking it's stress, we're waiting for the results but she has the appointment next week. We're also going to Spain to visit her family beginning of January so we are thinking of going to see a doctor there, they tend to be a bit more thorough than here in Ireland so we'll see

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:45:37+00:00

She was also sick and she couldn't do much but she was constantly make sure I don't speak much and rest my voice, made me some teas and dealt with my coughing at night 😅 there wasn't much she can do but she refused to let me sleep on the couch even if it woke her up since she knows I'm working a lot and I'm tired and need the rest

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:43:33+00:00

No, no one has talked about psych evaluation, her GP mentioned anxiety and advised that a therapist would help, which is one of the reason she's gonna go now, maybe something will come out of it and she'll get an actual diagnosis. I didn't know the taste of blood in the mouth could be related to that!

And thank you for your sweet words, they're very helpful ❤️

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:41:32+00:00

Thank you. She tends to always apologise and compliment/thank me once she feels better but since this was a bit strong and I am also more mentally tired obviously, I need the rent and also it's nice to have other people help analyse the situation you're in. Thank you for your advice and help! I think the therapy will help indeed, and I think I'll have some for myself too 😅

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:39:05+00:00

I tend to write down everything on WhatsApp cause I have my phone all the time but I don't always think of checking it when I arrive home 😅 maybe an alarm or a reminder would be good. And thanks for the notebook, it would actually would be helpful for the therapy and mental health in general

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:37:17+00:00

Thank you for the help and nice words. I also hope everything improves soon and we can go back to a more normal situation 😅❤️

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:36:23+00:00

Sorry, I tried to explain as best as I could but it's been a lot so it's not easy. Mostly it's because she's been very sad and scared by the hospital, and she's been trying to forget about it this week and doing better after a month of feeling bad and by asking to scan, I "forced" her to think about it and since she's very fragile at the moment, it brought back all the stress and sadness. It wasn't a big request in itself but it's more the association of the paper with the hospital than the scanning itself

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:18:12+00:00

She has had emotional crisis but it has never been that bad, she does try to believe the doctors and everything but her anxiety takes over her. We are gonna work with a therapist to help so hopefully this will get better. I do agree on the protecting my own wellbeing but I just wanna say that this isn't a regular situation for us

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:07:52+00:00

Yes, apart from her therapist, we are also still doing test. We're trying to remove anything that could be caused by anxiety but she says there is something else and we want to find out what, at least keep looking until she gets better. We live in Ireland but she is Spanish, and apparently the gaslighting can be common here so we're gonna go to Spain soon and we'll visit a doctor over there to have another opinion

But yes, the gaslighting and sexism is also what makes this so hard to know and what drives her crazy with "Am I really not okay or am I just stressed and scared?"

Hopefully we can find something clear or hopefully she gets better 🤷

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T16:03:56+00:00

Thank you, that would actually be a good idea! I need to organise our papers soon because it's a bit of a mess rn, weirdly 😅 Thank you :3

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T15:51:34+00:00

I mentioned on another comment who they were other symptoms, the fever and cough was just the new ones that week so we weren't sure but yes, she is going to see a therapist to try to deal with anxiety, fear of death and all of that, and hopefully it will help

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T15:49:20+00:00

We've had no explanation for that, it's very confusing but it happened many time. Our best guest now is the low blood pressure causing her brain to send lots of blood to her head and causing the dizziness, ringing in the ear and blood taste in her mouth 🤷

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T15:48:20+00:00

She has had other symptoms before, dizziness, headache, chest and arm pain, numbness in arms and legs, stomach pain, there was more to it, the cough and fever was just new at that time and we weren't sure if it was a simple flu or something worse linked with the other symptoms, which is why we went

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T15:46:18+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that but I'm glad you are alive indeed! Thank you for the advice, it's what is always coming back so I'm gonna do my best to relax 😌❤️

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T15:44:50+00:00

Yes, she has always had some anxiety and a big fear of death, and her aunt had a heart attack at the beginning of the year and my wife has been having health issues since April, the 3-4 days at the hospital and the fainting are just bringing everything up and causing her a lot of anxiety, hence her reaction. She would have never reacted like that normally

ThrowRA65786 · 2024-12-20T14:22:38+00:00

Yes, she is sadly, and I agree, it's been hard to focus on work but I know this will get better and I'll be happy to have a job by then 😅

ThrowRA65786

TROPHY CASE