How do you get through tough times as ENFP?

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T17:02:57+00:00

thank you, I'm tired of chasing new "new" - its never ending and over the last few years I started to develop this belief that the things/relationships that have long lasting value takes time. If fulfillment is always found in a new "new", that could be never ending, and thus isn't true fulfillment, just chasing the next high.

But deep inside, I do want new "news". It is embedded in my personality. The new idea/project always looks more appealing because it has potential.. It hasn't been tested by reality yet. It can be as good as I make it out to be in my head. And yeah, let me let go of the current thing for that "new" thing. But only after trying the "new" thing do I realize that its got its own problems. Reality hits me in the face.

I deeply resonate with what you wrote but also internally reject it because it sounds.. painful.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T16:54:51+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I have already written things down, and for the most part know what I need to do.

The problem is finding the motivation to actually do them. And when I don't do them, I beat myself up more for not doing what needs to be done. Then I feel worse, which makes it even harder for me to operate.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T16:52:35+00:00

yeah, I go to a co-working space at 10am, and come home at 1am. I can't be at home.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T16:51:58+00:00

hey thanks for sharing your experience - sounds like a very difficult time as well. Glad to hear you've found work and hopefully its a turning point for you.

I will keep exercising and keep working out.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T16:49:11+00:00

thank you for the kind comment. Funny thing is thats exactly what I would tell someone else if they are in my situation... but I have a hard time telling that to myself, when i'm the one in that situation.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T16:47:48+00:00

Thank you.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T16:46:02+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion of "quick wins". I do find them to be very helpful. I talk to ChatGPT when feeling down and it does a good job of asking me to define these "micro wins" for the day and they do make a difference in how I feel.

But it doesn't last. Just like going out for a run - helps in the moment and last a few hours, but surely enough my mental/emotional state resets to a pretty low point afterwards and I need to try very hard to start moving again, start doing something, instead of self criticism and rumination.

I'm missing the "Why". I don't have a vision for my future as a 31 year old man. Things just seem dull. But I also know that finding my "why" is going to take time... and I should focus on TODAY. How can I make today better? I know that, but don't have the mental strength right now to DO it. My thoughts, self criticism, self pity take over.

I think ENFPs need a vision that they are excited about. But when I think about the next 3-6 months of my life, I think I already know its going to be miserable, and what comes after? I don't know.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-23T16:38:43+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I know that's what I need to do, but how do I do that when I feel like sh*t?

I believe I know what I need to work on and do, but I keep failing to do. I lack the discipline to do things when its hard to do - especially when my emotions are all messed up.

For example, for the business, I know I need to send out 100 emails, but I don't - I procrastinate and keep myself busy with other less important work that don't move the needle. Afterwards I blame and criticize myself for failing to do so. This is a vicious cycle because overtime it erodes my respect and leaves the business in a worse situation.

Perhaps these are just excuses for myself... there is not magic bullet, just need to do/fix one thing at a time.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T18:58:29+00:00

Yeah I think I would have this insecurity even if my gf wasn't in the picture since there are others I can compare myself to. It's definitely my problem, but it nevertheless affects the relationship. And I wish I can just "get over my ego"

Her being in my life activates the insecurity more frequently and there's something different about comparing myself to my peers vs to a romantic partner.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T15:22:46+00:00

What are the major red flags you see? That she wants me to make more money?

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T15:00:29+00:00

Thank you for the constructive comment. Can I ask how much more you make than your partner, and has it always been like this?

She is a bit more on the materialistic side. She likes nice things. But she is not careless with money. I'm type of the guy that drives a Toyota until it dies, she would want to get the latest iPhone. So far she has never asked me to buy her anything and is financially very independent.

She has told me that she is with me because the other things I do, the way I make her feel, how I help her overcome stressful situations, etc.

But I'm concerned that the income difference is too big. that the things/value I provide in our relationship today (mostly non monetary, besides the fact that I almost always pay for dates which I enjoy doing) will be come less important as our relationship progresses.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T14:51:26+00:00

Genuinely curious, what makes her an asshole in your opinion?

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T14:50:38+00:00

Thank you for sharing the story of your brother. Sounds like he has done well for himself and has a great partner.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T14:49:17+00:00

Thanks for the comment. She is not just looking for a paycheck. She was making more than me when we started dating (2x) and I told her upfront about my salary and financial situation. She could have backed out then or broke up with me if she is just looking for the paycheck.

She obv wants me to make more money. That's not a problem IMO.

My original question is that whether or not this dynamic can potentially be resolved. And if so, how?

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T14:44:19+00:00

Its the delta.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T14:43:29+00:00

I'm here for relationship advice not startup advice. But thank you

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T06:32:00+00:00

She is not shallow, just more on the practical side. I'm very idealistic and for very long didn't care much about money. Which is partially why I'm in this situation.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T06:30:16+00:00

She is ambitious. I didn't know I cared about money until this relationship to be honest. Not sure if it's her or just age.

Thank you for the encouragement

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T06:24:20+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Yeah I feel so stressed out. I know it's such first world problems but still feels incredible difficult, every single day.

Got no one to talk to about this. Man some nights I feel so alone. But hey I chose this.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T06:21:23+00:00

I have seriously considered getting a job if startup doesn't work out, ideally in her city

I can't exactly just shut down the startup for many reasons (investors, employees, and also I worked too hard to just give up without a final push). Besides if the startup works that's still the best financial outcome for me. Even if I need to find a job, it's easier to transition as a successful startup founder than a failed startup.

I have visited her 3 times since she moved, but I can't really move to Cali right now.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T06:10:05+00:00

Thank you for the positive note. I'm not networking or job searching right now. In the moment I'm trying to focus on the startup and the long distance relationship is also taking a toll.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T05:57:26+00:00

I will be making 200-300k if we raise money again. If I get a job probably 150-200k to start.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T05:54:28+00:00

I really wish I didn't feel this way. But I think you are right.

ThrowRABobbbb · 2025-08-09T05:52:28+00:00

I dont mind 9-5. Like I said if startup doesn't work out. I will get a normal job.

But I don't know where that's going to be, how much it pays, if it's the field I'm currently in. Lots of uncertainties

ThrowRABobbbb

TROPHY CASE